Into the Woods
by Clear Shadow
Summary: A mad mixture of anime and broadway. Includes Inuyasha, Ranma 1/2, Rorouni Kenshin, Zoids and Gundam Wing. I'm bad at summaries so please just read this and laugh. Act Two is up and finished! Hey that means that the entire fic is done!!!!!
1. Act One, Scene One

Into The Woods

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I don't own Into the Woods. The musical is owned by….somebody who is not me. Heh. Anyway. I don't own, Zoids, Inuyasha, Ranma ½, Rorouni Kenshin, or Gundam Wing. Nor do I own any of the aforementioned show's characters. Nor do I own the song that I sing in Scene Three. That song is "Eyes Like Yours" and is owned by Shakira. All I own is Chiyumi, Lilli, and Rina. Yume Tenshi owns Miaka and Sharpsnout owns Hawk. MereMew owns nobody here but since she's in the thing I guess I should mention her.

CAPS: Person is singing. (If in verse form)

Normal: Person is speaking.

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Cast:

Narrators: Clear Shadow, Yume Tenshi, Sharpsnout and MereMew

Jack: Himura Kenshin

Baker: Miroku

Cinderella's Stepmother: Irvine

Lucinda: Moonbay

Little Red Ridinghood: Hibiki Miaka

Cinderella's Mother: Rudolf

Wolf: P-Chan

Rapunzel: Maxwell Duo

Cinderella's Prince: Raven

Milky White (Called Yahiko-White for the sake of humor): Yahiko

Cinderella: Lilli

Jack's Mother: Kamiya Karou

Baker's Wife: Chiyumi

Florinda: Fiona

Cinderella's Father: Dr. D

Witch: Maxwell Rina

Mysterious Man: Inuyasha

Granny: Mousse

Rapunzel's Prince: Hawk

Steward: Van 

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****

ACT ONE

Scene One

:: The stage is separated into thirds. On the left is Cinderella's house. Lilli is frozen in place as if sweeping. In the center is Jack's house. Kenshin is frozen in place as if milking Yahiko-White, a pathetic looking cow. In the—::

Yahiko-White: Excuse me?

::Yahiko-White, a pathetic white cow, what? That's what you are::

Yahiko-White: Am not!

::You are in this play, so deal with it or it's hamburgers for lunch!::

Yahiko-White: Gul….ulp.

:: Ahem. As I was saying. On the right side of the stage is the Baker's house. Miroku and Chiyumi are also frozen, making bread and …stuff::

Baker's Wife: That's not a rolling pin.

Baker: It's not?

Baker's Wife: _No_. That's a spatula. Get it right.

Baker: Sorry.

::Can I continue? Please?::

Baker's Wife: Oh...sorry. Please go on.

::Thank you. Anyway. The four narrators step forward::

Clear Shadow: Once upon a time—

Cinderella: ::No longer frozen, Lilli begins sweeping:: I WISH…

Yume Tenshi: —In a far off kingdom—

Cinderella: MORE THAN ANYTHING…

Sharpsnout: —Lived a young maiden—

Cinderella: MORE THAN LIFE….

MereMew: —A sad young lad—

Cinderella: MORE THAN JEWELS…

Jack: I WISH, that I do…

Clear Shadow: —And a childless baker—

Jack: MORE THAN LIFE…

Cinderella, Baker: I WISH…

Yume Tenshi:—with his wife—

Jack: MORE THAN ANYTHING…

Cinderella, Jack, Baker: MORE THAN THE MOON…

Baker's Wife: I WISH…

Cinderella: THE KING IS GIVING A FESTIVAL

Baker, Baker's Wife: MORE THAN LIFE

Jack: I WISH, that I do…

Cinderella: —I WISH TO GO TO THE FESTIVAL—

Baker, Baker's Wife: MORE THAN RICHES..

Cinderella: —AND THE BALL…

Jack: I WISH MY COW WOULD GIVE US SOME MILK.

Yahiko-White: MOO…

Cinderella, Baker's Wife: MORE THAN ANYTHING…

Baker: I WISH WE HAD A CHILD.

Jack: ::To Yahiko-White:: PLEASE, PAL—

Baker's Wife: I WANT A CHILD.

Jack: SQUEEZE, PAL

Yahiko-White: WHAT?!?!

Cinderella: I WISH TO GO TO THE FESTIVAL.

Jack: ::Overlapping:: I WISH YOU'D GIVE US SOME MILK OR EVEN CHEESE.

Baker, Baker's Wife: I WISH WE MIGHT HAVE A CHILD.

Cinderella, Jack, Baker, Baker's Wife: I WISH…

::Irvine, Fiona and Moonbay enter::

Stepmother: ::Leans into Lilli's face:: _You_ wish to go to the festival?

Cinderella: ::snickers loudly::

Stepmother: Oh shut up. So I'm in a dress.

Cinderella: ::talks through laughter:: Cross-dresser!!

Sharpsnout: Ahem. The poor girl's mother had died—

Stepmother: _You_. Cinderella, the festival?

Florinda, Lucinda: The festival?!?

Stepmother, Florinda, Lucinda: The King's festival!!!???

Cinderella: What freaking festival did you _think_?

MereMew: —And her father had taken for his new wife a woman with two daughters of her own. All three were beautiful of face—

Cinderella: Except for Irvine!

Stepmother: Shut up!

MereMew: —But vile and black of heart.

Florinda: LOOK AT YOUR NAILS!

Lucinda: LOOK AT YOUR DRESS!

Stepmother: PEOPLE WOULD LAUGH AT YOU—

Cinderella: NEVERTHELESS—

Cinderella, Stepsisters, Stepmother: I/YOU/SHE STILL WISH/WANT/WANTS TO GO TO THE FESTIVAL—

Stepsisters, Stepmother: —AND DANCE BEFORE THE PRINCE ?!

::Irvine, Moonbay, and Fiona burst into musical laughter as Lilli glares::

Clear Shadow: Jack on the other hand, had no grandmother, and no father and his mother—

Jack's Mother: ::Walks over to Kenshin and Yahiko who are playing patty-cake:: I WISH…

Jack: We're _what_?

::Playing patty cake. Y'know when you clap your hands then clap one hand with your partners? You never played before?::

Jack: I don't believe so, that I don't.

::Oh…well make something up then::

Clear Shadow: Ahem. Well, she was not quite beautiful—

Jack's Mother: ::Twitches:: I WISH MY SON WHERE NOT A FOOL

I WISH MY HOUSE WAS NOT A MESS—

Yahiko-White: I WISH YOU COULD COOK…

Jack's Mother: ::Hits him with a frying pa— hey where'd you get that?:: Ceres. ::Ceres is in this thing?!?:: No, she's on the support staff. ::Oh. Ok then. Please go on.::

I WISH THE COW WAS FULL OF MILK

I WISH THE WALLS WERE FULL OF GOLD—

I WISH A LOT OF THINGS….

You foolish child! What in heaven's name are you doing with a cow inside the house?

Jack: A warm environment might be just what Yahiko-White needs to produce his milk, that it might.

Jack's Mother: ::Stunned:: It's a she!!

Yahiko-White: Am not!!!

Jack's Mother: How many times must I tell you? Only "She's" give milk!

Yahiko-White: Yeah well, I don't give milk so there you go!

::There are two knocks on the Miroku and Chiyumi's door. Chiyumi opens it and Miaka skips inside::

Baker's Wife: Why come in little girl.

Little Red Ridinghood: I WISH…

IT'S NOT FOR ME

IT'S FOR MY GRANNY IN THE WOODS

A LOAF OF BREAD PLEASE

TO BRING MY POOR OLD HUNGRY

GRANNY IN THE WOODS…

JUST A LOAF OF BREAD, PLEASE

::Miroku hands her a loaf of bread and she sticks it in her pocket::

Thank you.

Yume Tenshi: Cinderella's stepmother had a surprise for her.

::Irvine tosses lentils into the fireplace.::

Stepmother: I threw some lentils into the ashes for you. Pick 'em out in an hour and you can go to the ball.

Cinderella: I thought it was two hours.

Stepmother: That was before you made fun of me.

Cinderella: Oh for crying out—

Stepmother: Wanna make it a half hour?!

::Irvine, Fiona and Moonbay leave::

Little Red Ridinghood: AND PERHAPS A STICKY BUN?

OR FOUR? ::Sheepish grin::

Cinderella: BIRDS IN THE SKY,

BIRDS IN THE EAVES 

IN THE LEAVES

IN THE FIELDS

IN THAT CASTLES AND PONDS

Little Red Ridinghood: AND A FEW OF THOSE PIES,

PLEASE

Cinderella: ::Overlapping:: COME, LITTLE BIRDS,

DOWN FROM THE EAVES

AND THE LEAVES,

OVER FIELDS,

OUT OF CASTLES AND PONDS

Jack: NO, SQUEEZE PAL…

Cinderella: ::Falls into a trance:: Huh? ::A trance, you're connecting with nature:: I'm what? ::Would you just do it?:: Alright…. AHHHHHH….

::Birds descend into the fireplace::

Cinderella: QUICK LITTLE BIRDS,

FLICK THROUGH THE ASHES.

PICK AND PECK, BUT SWIFTLY,

SIFT THROUGH THE ASHES

INTO THE POT

Jack's Mother: Listen well, son, Yahiko-White must be taken to market.

Jack: But Miss Karou no, he's the best cow, that he is!

Jack's mother: Was. Was! She's given us no milk for a week—

Yahiko-White: I never gave milk in the first place!! I am not a cow!!!!!

::Shut up would you? You're getting annoying::

Yahiko-White: Make me!

::I WILL!!! AKEMI!!! GET OUT HERE!!!::

Yahiko-White: No! Not her! She'll want to practice swordplay with me!! I'll be good! I'll be good!!!

:: Heh, Heh, Heh. Please Karou, go on. I doubt he'll interrupt again::

Jack's Mother: Thank you. _She's_ given us no milk for a week. We've no food nor money and no choice but to sell her while she can still command a price..

Jack: But Yahiko-White is me best friend in the whole world, that he is!

Jack's Mother: Look at her!

Yahiko-White: ::glare:: MOO!

Jack's mother: THERE ARE BUG ON HER DUGS

THERE ARE FLIES IN HER EYES

THERE'S A LUMP ON HER RUMP 

BIG ENOUGH TO BE A HUMP—

Jack: But—

Jack's Mother: WE'VE NO TIME TO SIT AND DITHER,

WHILE HER WITHERS WITHER WITH HER—

AND NO ONE KEEPS A FREELOADER FOR A FRIEND!!!

Sometimes I fear you're touched!

Yahiko-White: I thought I was a cow.

Jack's Mother: Yes, well you're that too. 

Little Red Ridinghood: ::Miaka's been eating random sweets, she now wipes her mouth::

INTO THE WOODS

IT'S TIME TO GO

I HATE TO LEAVE

I HAVE TO THOUGH

INTO THE WOODS 

IT'S TIME, AND SO

I MUST BEGIN MY JOURNEY

INTO THE WOODS 

AND TROUGH THE TREES

TO WHERE I AM 

EXPECTED MA'AM.

INTO THE WOODS 

TO GRANDMOTHER'S HOUSE—

Baker's Wife: You're certain of your way?

Little Red Riding Hood: ::picking up cookies in rhythm with the song and stuffing them in her pockets:: 

THE WAY IS CLEAR

THE LIGHT IS GOOD

I HAVE NO FEAR 

NOR NO ONE SHOULD.

THE WOODS ARE JUST TREES.

THE TREES ARE JUST WOOD.

I SORT OF HATE TO ASK IT ,

BUT DO YOU HAVE A BASKET?

Baker's Wife: Where are you keeping all of those cookies?

Little Red Ridinghood: Ever heard of the Art of Hidden Weapons? My cousin taught me a little bit.

Baker's Wife: Ah. I see.

Baker: Here. ::Hands her a basket, which Miaka fills with all the food:: Now don't stray and be late.

Little Red Ridinghood: INTO THE WOODS

AND DOWN THE DELL,

THE PATH IT STRAIGHT,

I KNOW IT WELL.

INTO THE WOODS,

AND WHO CAN TELL

WHAT'S WAITING ON THE JOURNEY?

INTO THE WOODS

TO BRING SOME BREAD

TO GRANNY WHO

IS SICK IN BED

NEVER CAN TELL

WHAT LIES AHEAD

FOR ALL THAT I KNOW

SHE'S ALREADY DEAD.

::Begins skipping offstage::

BUT INTO THE WOODS

INTO THE WOODS

INTO THE WOODS

TO GRANDMOTHER'S HOUSE

AND HOME BEFORE DARK!

Baker's Wife: ::Calls after her:: And save some of those sweets for granny! They'll go right to your hips otherwise!!

::The birds got the lentils for Lilli and are now flying away::

Cinderella: FLY, BIRDS

BACK TO THE SKY,

BACK TO THE EAVES

AND THE LEAVES

AND THE FIELDS

AND THE-

::Moonbay and Fiona enter, dressed for the ball::

Florinda: HURRY UP AND DO MY HAIR, CINDERELLA! ::Looks at Moonbay as Lilli fusses with her hair::

ARE YOU REALLY WEARING THAT?

Lucinda: ::Plucks at her sleeve:: HERE, I FOUND A LITTLE TEAR, CINDERELLA! ::Eyes Fiona's hair::

CAN'T YOU HIDE IT WITH A HAT?

Cinderella: YOU LOOK BEAUTIFUL.

Florinda: I know.

Lucinda: She means me.

Florinda: Put it in a twist.

Lucinda: Who will be there?

Cinderella: ::To herself as Fiona and Moonbay chatter underneath::

MOTHER SAID BE GOOD,

FATHER SAID BE NICE,

THAT WAS ALWAYS THEIR ADVICE.

SO BE NICE, CINDERELLA,

GOOD, CINDERELLA,

NICE GOOD GOOD NICE-

Florinda: Tighter!

Cinderella: ::Glares:: WHAT'S THE GOOD OF BEING GOOD

IF EVERYONE IS BLIND

ALWAYS LEAVING YOU BEHIND?

NEVER MIND, CINDERELLA

KIND CINDERELLA-

::Accenting each word with a twist of hair, twisting tighter and tighter with each word::

NICE GOOD NICE KIND GOOD NICE-

Florinda: Not that tight!

Cinderella: ::Grins evilly:: Sorry.

Florinda: Clod.

Lucinda: Hee hee hee- ::Fiona looks at her:: Hee hee- ::Lilli glares, she stops 

Sharpsnout: Because the Baker had lost his mother and father in a baking accident, well, at least that's what he believed—

Clear Shadow: No seriously, what constitutes a baking accident? Getting run over by giant doughnuts? Some burglar stabbing you with stale bread? 

Sharpsnout: Shut up.

Clear Shadow: No but seriously.

Sharpsnout, Yume Tenshi: SHUT UP NOW!!!

Clear Shadow: ::puts hands up in surrender:: Ok, ok, ok.

Sharpsnout: Anyway, he was eager to have a family of his own, and was concerned that all efforts until now had failed.

Baker: ::Clasps Chiyumi's hands:: Will you bear my child?

Baker's Wife: No.

Baker: ::clasps Clear Shadow's hands:: Will _you_ bear my child?

Clear Shadow: …. ::thinking:: …..Ok.

Baker's Wife: ::hits Clear Shadow and Miroku with rolling pin:: That's not funny!!!

Clear Shadow: Well you said no!!!

Baker's Wife: That's the joke! I say no so he goes to you, you say no so he goes to Yume. Get it?? "All efforts until now had failed" It's funny!!!

Clear Shadow: ::rubbing head:: Owie…

::Knock on Miroku's door::

Baker: Who might that be? ::looking out the window:: It's the bi—I mean the witch from next door!

Baker's Wife: ::Hits him again:: Don't call her that!!

Baker: Clear Shadow told me to!

Clear Shadow: I most certainly did _not_! Just because you saw Bryan doing it during practice doesn't mean you get to do it here!!

::After receiving a death glare from Clear Shadow, Miroku opens the door and Rina enters. Then hits him with her staff::

Witch: Don't think I didn't hear that you little creep.

Baker: Will you bear my child?

Baker's Wife: The joke's over Chibi-Monk-Kun.

Baker, Baker's Wife: We have no bread. 

Baker's Wife: The little Hibiki girl ate just about everything.

Witch: Of course you have no bread!

Baker: What do you wish?

Witch: It's not what I wish. It's what you wish. ::Pats Chiyumi's stomach, Chiyumi swipes at her:: Nothing cooking in there now, is there?

MereMew: The old—

Witch: I'm not old!! I'm 16!!

MereMew: And your name is Dennis right?

Witch: Huh?

MereMew: Forget it. _I_ know you're 16 but the witch in the play is old. See? Anyway, the old-young enchantress told the couple that she had placed a spell on their house.

Witch: That's better. Thank you.

Baker: What spell?

Witch: In the past, when you were no more than a babe, your father brought his young wife and you to this cottage. They were a handsome couple, but not handsome neighbors. You see, your mother was with child and had developed an unusual appetite. She took one look at my beautiful garden and told your father what she wanted more than _anything_ in the world was…

GREENS, GREENS, AND NOTHING BUT GREENS,

PARSLEY, PEPPERS, CABBAGES AND CELERY

ASPARAGUS AND WATERCRESS AND

FIDDLEFERNS AND LETTUCE—

::Goes into "Rap" mode::

HE SAID, "ALL RIGHT"

BUT IT WASN'T, QUITE,

'CAUSE I CAUGHT IN THE AUTUMN 

IN MY GARDEN ONE NIGHT

HE WAS ROBBING ME, RAPING ME—

Baker: Yep that sounds like father. Pretty girl, dark night—

Witch: Not that kind of raping!! Where was I?

Baker's Wife: Being raped.

Witch: Not that kind of- oh forget it.

ROOTING THROUGH MY RUTABAGA,

RAIDING MY ARUGULA AND RIPPING UP THE RAMPION

(MY CHAMPION MY FAVORITE)

I SHOULD HAVE LAID A SPELL ON HIM 

RIGHT THERE!

::Waves hand for emphasis and a loaf of bread flies by::

COULD HAVE TURNED HIM INTO STONE

OR A DOG OR A CHAIR…

::Giggles::

BUT I LET HIM HAVE THE RAMPION—

I'D LOTS TO SPARE,

IN RETURN HOW EVER 

I SAID "FAIR IS FAIR:

YOU CAN LET ME HAVE THE BABY 

THAT YOUR WIFE WILL BEAR.

::two beats::

AND WE'LL CALL IT SQUARE."

Baker:I had a brother?

Witch: _No_, but you had a sister.

Baker: Will _she_ bear—

Everyone present: ::hits him with random stuff:: That's disgusting!!!!

Baker: I was kidding!

Clear Shadow: But the Witch refused to tell him any more of his sister. Not even that her name was Rapunzel.

Witch: I thought I had been more than reasonable. But how was I to know what your father had also hidden in his pocket?

Baker's Wife: Yes, you were quite reasonable.

Witch: Thanks. I thought so.

::Ahem!::

Baker: What?

Witch: Beans.

Baker, Baker's Wife: _Beans_?

Witch: The special beans! ::getting excited::

I LET HIM GO

I DIDN'T KNOW

HE'D STOLEN MY BEANS!

I WAS WATCHING HIM CRAWL

BACK OVER THE WALL

AND THEN BANG! CRASH!

AND THE LIGHTNING FLASH!

AND—WELL, THAT'S ANOTHER STORY

NEVERMIND—

ANYWAY, AT LAST 

THE BIG DAY CAME

AND I MADE MY CLAIM

"OH DON'T TAKE AWAY THE BABY,"

THEY SHRIEKED AND SCREECHED

BUT I DID! AND I HID HER

WHERE SHE'LL NEVER BE REACHED.

AND YOUR FATHER CRIED

AND YOUR MOTHER DIED

WHEN FOR EXTRA MEASURE—

I ADMIT IT WAS A PLEASURE—

I SAID "SORRY:

I'M STILL NOT MOLLIFIED."

AND I LAID A LITTLE SPELL ON THEM—

YOU TWO SON!

::Waves her hand and a rolling pin flies over and knocks Miroku in the crotch, Miroku doubles over in pain, Chiyumi doubles over in laughter:: 

That your family tree would always be a barren one…

::bursts in to laughter then calms::

SO THERE'S NO MORE FUSS

AND THERE'S NO MORE SCENES 

AND MY GARDEN THRIVES

YOU SHOULD SEE MY NECTARINES!

BUT I'M TELLING YOU THE SAME

I TELL KINGS AND QUEENS

DON'T EVER NEVER EVER

MESS AROUND WITH MY GREENS

::Two beats::

ESPECIALLY THE BEANS!

::Music continues. Kenshin is ready to leave the house:: 

Jack's Mother: Now you listen. Lead Yahiko-White to market, and fetch the best price you can. Take no less than five pounds…Are you listening to me?

Jack: Yes. No more than five pounds.

::Karou whacks him with her bokken::

Jack: ::oro face:: Oro?

Jack's Mother: Less than five!! 

Jack: Ooooorooooo……

Jack's Mother: JACK, JACK, JACK,

HEAD IN A SACK,

THE HOUSE IS GETTING COLDER,

THIS IS NOT A TIME FOR DREAMING.

CHIMNEYSTACK

STARTING TO CRACK,

THE MICE ARE GETTING BOLDER

THE FLOOR'S GONE SLACK

YOUR MOTHER'S GETTING OLDER,

YOUR FATHER'S NOT BACK,

AND YOU CAN'T JUST SIT HERE DREAMING PRETTY DREAMS.

TO WISH AND WAIT

FROM DAY TO DAY

WILL NEVER KEEP

THE WOLVES AWAY.

SO INTO THE WOODS,

THE TIME IS NOW.

WE HAVE TO LIVE,

I DON'T CARE HOW.

INTO THE WOODS

TO SELL THE COW,

YOU MUST BEGIN THE JOURNEY.

STRAIGHT THROUGH THE WOODS

AND DON'T DELAY-

WE HAVE TO FACE

THE MARKETPLACE.

INTO THE WOODS TO JOURNEY'S END-

Jack: INTO THE WOODS TO SELL A FRIEND-

Jack's Mother: Someday, you'll have a real pet, Jack.

Jack: A piggy?

::P-Chan runs by much to the delight of Yume Tenshi::

Jack's Mother: ::groans, shoves him out the door:: Now go!! 

Yume Tenshi: Then the witch, for purposes of her own, explained how the Baker might lift the spell:

Witch: YOU WISH TO HAVE 

THE CURSE REVERSED?

I'LL NEED A CERTAIN POTION FIRST.

GO TO THE WOOD AND BRING ME BACK

ONE: THE COW AS WHITE AS MILK

TWO: THE CAPE AS RED AS BLOOD

THREE: THE HAIR AS YELLOW AS CORN

FOUR: THE SLIPPER AS PURE AS GOLD

BRING ME THESE

BEFORE THE CHIME

OF MIDNIGHT

IN THREE DAY'S TIME

AND YOU SHALL HAVE

I GUARANTEE, 

A CHILD AS PERFECT

AS CHILD CAN BE.

::Miroku does a happy dance of the ferrets::

Go to the woods! ::Waves hand again, this time a frying pan nails Miroku in the head, Rina snickers then exits::

Stepmother: Ladies! ::Fanfare:: Our carriage awaits.

Cinderella: PLEASE MAY I GO TO THE FESTIVAL?

Stepmother: The festival!

DARLING, THOSE NAILS!

DARLING, THOSE CLOTHES!

LENTILS ARE ONE THING BUT

DARLING, WITH THOSE,

YOU'D MAKE US THE FOOLS OF THE FESTIVAL 

AND MORTIFY THE PRINCE!

Cinderella's Father: The carriage is waiting!

Stepmother: We must be gone!

Cinderella: Goodnight father.

Cinderella's Father: ::groans drunkenly and leaves::

Cinderella: I WISH… ::sits and cries:: I what? ::You cry.:: Oh no, no way. ::Please? Just a little sniffle?:: Oh fine. ::Sits and cries::

Baker: Look what I found in Father's urn!

Baker's Wife: You went digging around in his ashes?

Baker: We'll he didn't really have any remains as he got sucked in to the mystic wind tunnel ::Has that oh-so-cute "Sad-slash-thoughtful-Miroku" face::

Baker's wife: So what was in the urn?

Baker: Nothing. Except…

Baker's Wife: Six beans?

Baker: I wonder if they are the…

Baker's Wife: Witch's beans? We'll take them with us.

Baker: No, you are not coming.

Baker's Wife: I know you are fearful of the woods at night.

Baker: THE SPELL IS ON MY HOUSE.

ONLY I CAN LIFT THE SPELL,

THE SPELL IS ON MY HOUSE.

Baker's Wife: ::overlapping:: NO, NO, THE SPELL IS ON OUR HOUSE.

WE MUST LIFT THE SPELL TOGETHER,

THE SPELL IS ON OUR HOUSE.

Baker: No! You are not to come and that is final. Now what am I to return with?

Baker's Wife: ::annoyed:: You don't remember? Moron.

THE COW AS WHITE AS MILK,

THE CAPE AS RED AS BLOOD,

THE HAIR AS YELLOW AS CORN,

THE SLIPPER AS PURE AS GOLD…

Baker: ::Memorizing:: THE COW AS WHITE AS MILK

THE CAPE AS RED AS BLOOD

THE HAIR AS YELLOW AS CORN

THE SLIPPER AS PURE AS GOLD…

Sharpsnout: ::As Miroku keeps repeating:: And so the Baker, reluctantly, set off to meet the enchantress' demand. As for Cinderella:

Cinderella: I STILL WISH TO GO TO THE FESTIVAL, 

BUT HOW AM I EVER TO GET TO THE FESTIVAL?

Baker: ::Simultaneously muttering as he's getting ready:: THE COW AS WHITE AS MILK,

THE CAPE AS RED AS BLOOD,

THE HAIR AS YELLOW AS CORN—

Baker's Wife: ::Prompting:: The slipper?

Baker: THE SLIPPER AS PURE AS GOLD.

Cinderella: ::Overlapping:: I KNOW!

I'LL VISIT MOTHER'S GRAVE

THE GRAVE AT THE HAZEL TREE

AND TELL I JUST WANT TO 

GO TO THE KING'S FESTIVAL.

Baker: THE COW, THE CAPE,

THE SLIPPER AS PURE AS GOLD—

Baker's Wife: THE HAIR! Idiot…

Baker, Cinderella: INTO THE WOODS,

IT'S TIME TO GO,

IT MAY BE ALL

IN VAIN, YOU/I KNOW.

INTO THE WOODS-

BUT EVEN SO,

I HAVE TO TAKE THE JOURNEY.

Baker, Cinderella, Baker's Wife: INTO THE WOODS,

THE PATH IS STRAIGHT,

YOU (I) KNOW IT WELL,

BUT WHO CAN TELL-?

Baker, Baker's Wife: INTO THE WOODS TO LIFT THE SPELL-

Cinderella: INTO THE WOODS TO VISIT MOTHER-

Baker's Wife: INTO THE WOODS TO FETCH THE THINGS-

Baker: TO MAKE THE POTION-

Cinderella: TO GO TO THE FESTIVAL-

Baker, Baker's Wife, Cinderella, Jack, Jack's Mother: INTO THE WOODS

WITHOUT REGRET

THE CHOICE IS MADE

THE TASK IS SET

INTO THE WOODS

BUT NOT FORGETTING

WHY I'M ON THE JOURNEY

INTO THE WOODS 

TO GET MY WISH 

I DON'T CARE HOW

THE TIME IS NOW

Jack's Mother: INTO THE WOODS TO SELL THE FREELOADER—

Jack: INTO THE WOODS TO GET THE MONEY—

Baker's wife: INTO THE WOODS TO LIFT THE SPELL—

Baker: TO LIFT THE POTION—

Cinderella: TO GO TO THE FESTIVAL—

Little Red Ridinghood: ::Skipping by eating a cookie:: INTO THE WOODS TO GRANDMOTHER'S HOUSE

INTO THE WOODS TO GRANDMOTHER'S HOUSE

All: THE WAY IS CLEAR

THE LIGHT IS GOOD

I HAVE NO FEAR 

NOR NO ONE SHOULD

THE WOODS ARE JUST TREES

THE TRESS ARE JUST WOOD

NO NEED TO BE AFRAID THERE

Baker, Cinderella: ::Spooked:: THERE'S SOMETHING IN THE GLADE THERE…

:: Irvine, Moonbay, Fiona, and Dr. D are seen passing by in the carriage. They make faces at everyone else::

All: INTO THE WOODS

WITHOUT DELAY,

BUT CAREFUL NOT

TO LOSE THE WAY.

INTO THE WOODS,

WHO KNOWS WHAT MAY

BE LURKING ON THE JOURNEY?

INTO THE WOODS

TO GET THE THING

THAT MAKES IT WORTH

THE JOURNEYING

INTO THE WOODS

Stepmother, Florinda, Lucinda: TO SEE THE KING—

Jack, Jack's Mother: TO SELL THE YAHIKO—

Yahiko: Hey!

Baker, Baker's Wife: TO MAKE THE POTION—

All: TO SEE

TO SELL

TO GET

TO BRING

TO MAKE

TO LIFT

TO GO TO THE FESTIVAL

INTO THE WOODS

INTO THE WOODS

INTO THE WOODS

THEN OUT OF THE WOODS

AND HOME BEFORE DARK!

****

END OF SCENE ONE


	2. Act One, Scene Two

Into the woods

************************************************************************

I'm not going to put a disclaimer on every chapter because frankly, it's a waste of time. 

For your convenience and in case you forgot, here's the cast list. Don't worry I'm putting it at the binging of every scene.

Cast:

Narrators: Clear Shadow, Yume Tenshi, Sharpsnout and MereMew

Jack: Himura Kenshin

Baker: Miroku

Cinderella's Stepmother: Irvine

Lucinda: Moonbay

Little Red Ridinghood: Hibiki Miaka

Cinderella's Mother: Rudolf

Wolf: P-Chan

Rapunzel: Maxwell Duo

Cinderella's Prince: Raven

Milky White (Called Yahiko-White for the sake of humor): Yahiko

Cinderella: Lilli

Jack's Mother: Kamiya Karou

Baker's Wife: Chiyumi

Florinda: Fiona

Cinderella's Father: Dr. D

Witch: Maxwell Rina

Mysterious Man: Inuyasha

Granny: Mousse

Rapunzel's Prince: Hawk

Steward: Van 

************************************************************************

****

Scene Two

::On the stage are a lot of trees. Some are really old and bent and some aren't. Sunlight streams down in scattered paths. As the scene goes one the sunlight turns to moon light. Lilli kneels before a hazel tree::

MereMew: Cinderella had planted a branch at the grave of her mother and she visited it so often, and wept there so much, that her tears watered it until it had become a handsome tree::

Cinderella: Damn, that's a lot of tears.

MereMew: Yes it is now sing your little song before I get the hose.

Cinderella: I'VE BEEN GOOD AND I'VE BEEN KIND, MOTHER,

DOING ONLY WHAT I LEARNED FROM YOU.

WHY THEN AM I LEFT BEHIND, MOTHER,

IS THERE SOMETHING MORE THAT I SHOULD DO?

WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME, MOTHER?

SOMETHING MUST BE WRONG.

I WISH…

::Just then the ghost of Cinderella's Mother appears within the tree::

Cinderella: GYAAA!!! Rudolf?!? What the hell?!?

Cinderella's mother: ::Shrugs:: What child? Specify. Opportunity is not a lengthy visitor.

Cinderella: Huh?

Cinderella's Mother: It means hurry up and tell me what you want.

Cinderella: I WISH…

Cinderella's Mother: DO YOU KNOW WHAT YOU WISH?

ARE YOU CERTAIN WHAT YOU WISH

IS WHAT YOU WANT?

ASK THE TREE,

AND YOU SHALL HAVE YOUR WISH.

Cinderella: ::stands up and raises her arms:: 

SHIVER AND QUIVER, LITTLE TREE, SILVER AND GOLD

THROW DOWN ON ME

:: A gold and silver ball gown and slippers fall out of the tree onto Lilli's head::

Cinderella: Ow, damnit….

::Sorry::

Cinderella: Like hell. Anyway. I'M OFF TO GET MY WISH. ::Grabs clothes and runs off stage::

::Kenshin leads Yahiko-White through the forest. He pauses and sits down on a tree stump::

Jack: Silence everywhere Yahiko-White. Not to my liking, that it isn't.

Yahiko-White: Moo.

Mysterious Man: ::Jumps down from a tree:: Hello Jack.

Yahiko-White: DEMON!!!!!

Mysterious Man: Half demon, and shut up anyway, cow.

Yahiko-White: You gonna make me dog boy?

Mysterious Man: ::Growls::

Jack: ::clears throat:: How did you know my name?

Mysterious Man: When first I appear, I seem mysterious. But when explained, I am nothing serious. What the hell _is_ this crap?!? 

Jack: Say that again.

Mysterious Man: ::Shakes head:: On your way to market? You might have been there long time ago. Taking your time, Jack?

Jack: No, sir, that I'm not..

Mysterious Man: Is that the truth?

Jack: Well, you see now I'm resting—

Mysterious Man: How much are you asking for the cow?

Jack: No less than five pounds sir, that I am.

Mysterious Man: ::bursts into laughter:: Five pounds? For _that_?!?

Jack: My mother told me—

Mysterious Man: Mother?!? A boy your age?!? ::More laughter:: You'd be lucky to get a sack of beans for the damn thing!

::Before Kenshin can answer—::

Yahiko-White: Shut up!

::I _said_, before Kenshin could answer Inuyasha disappears::

Jack: Come on Yahiko-White, there are spirits here, that there are.

::In another part of the woods, Miaka is skipping along and is surprised by the wolf::

Wolf: Bwee! Bwee, b-ki! (Good day young lady)

::I said wolf not pig!::

Ceres: ::runs onstage:: He's the only thing we have, we can't find Pantyhose Tarou.

::You're kidding right?::

Little Red Ridinghood: Wow, who's afraid of the big bad piggy? ::Giggles::

Ceres: Seriously, he's the only one who…erm… "volunteered".

Little Red Ridinghood: Which basically means that you splashed him from behind right?

Ceres: Yeah basically. 

Little Red Ridinghood: Okay.

Ceres: ::Grins, runs off stage::

::Do you wanna start again then?::

Little Red Ridinghood: Okay.

Wolf: Bwee, bwee, b-ki! (Good day young lady)

Little Red Ridinghood: Good day Mr.…er….Wolf. ::She begins skipping again and P-Chan runs in front of her, tripping her. Miaka hits the floor:: Owie… ::Gets back up::

Wolf: Bwee, bwee, b-ki, bwee? (Wither away so hurriedly?)

Little Red Ridinghood: To my grandmother's. ::begins skipping and is again tripped:: Owie again…

Wolf: B-ki, b-ki, bwee? (And what might be in your basket?)

Little Red Ridinghood: Bread and wine so Grandmother has something good to make her strong.

Sharpsnout: And drunk!

Clear Shadow: ::kicks her:: Kris-Chan!

Sharpsnout: Ow!! Sorry!

Wolf: ::sweatdrop:: Bwee, bwee, bwee, b-ki? (And where might your grandmother live?)

::Miroku walks in and hides behind a tree::

Little Red Ridinghood: Further in the woods, her house stands under three large oak trees. 

::Miaka skips off, P-Chan, after a moment runs after her and trips her a third time::

Little Red Ridinghood: Owie! Stop it!

Wolf: Bwee. (Sorry)

Little Red Ridinghood: Just sing the stupid song.

Wolf: BWEE, BWEE, B-KI, (LOOK AT THAT FLESH,)

BWEE, BWEE, BWEE. (PINK AND PLUMP.)

BWEE, BWEE, B-KI BWEE… (HELLO LITTLE GIRL...)

BWEE, BWEE, B-KI, (TENDER AND FRESH,)

BWEE, BWEE, BWEE. (NOT ONE LUMP.)

BWEE, BWEE, B-KI BWEE… (HELLO LITTLE GIRL...)

BWEE, BWEE, B-KI BWEE, BWEE, (THIS ONE'S ESPECIALLY LUSH,)

BWEE… (DELICIOUS...)

BWEE, BWEE, B-KI BWEE, (HELLO LITTLE GIRL)

BWEE, BWEE, BWEE? (WHAT'S YOU RUSH?)

BWEE, BWEE, BWEE, BWEE B-KI. (YOU'RE MISSING ALL THE FLOWERS)

B-KI, B-KI, B-KI, (THE SUN WON'T SET FOR HOURS)

BWEE, BWEE, BWEE. (TAKE YOUR TIME)

Little Red Ridinghood: O_O Wow…Um. Oh yeah! ::Clears throat:: MOTHER SAID,

"STRAIGHT AHEAD,"

NOT TO DELAY 

OR BE MISLED.

Wolf: B-KI, BWEE, BWEE, (BUT SLOW LITTLE GIRL)

BWEE! B-KI— (HARK! AND HUSH—)

BWEE, BWEE, B-KI, B-KI-KI, (THE BIRDS ARE SINGING SWEETLY,)

BWEE, BWEE, BWEE, BWEE, B-KI, (YOU'LL MISS THE BIRDS COMPLETELY,)

B-KI B-KI B-KI-KI. (YOU'RE TRAVELING SO FLEETLY.)

BWEE, BWEE, BWEE, (GRANDMOTHER FIRST,)

B-KI, BWEE, BWEE… (THEN MISS PLUMP...)

B-KI, B-KI, BWEE: (WHAT A DELECTABLE COUPLE:)

BWEE, B-KI, B-KI— (UTTER PERFECTION—)

BWEE, BWEE, B-KI, B-KI— (ONE BRITTLE, ONE SUPPLE—)

::sees LITTLE RED RIDINGHOOD start to move off again::

BWEE, BWEE, BWEE, B-KI—! (ONE MOMENT, MY DEAR—!)

::Miaka stops and considers this::

Little Red Ridinghood: MOTHER SAID,

"COME WHAT MAY,

FOLLOW THE PATH

AND NEVER STRAY."

Wolf: BWEE, BWEE, BWEE, BWEE— (JUST SO, LITTLE GIRL—)

BWEE, BWEE, BWEE. (ANY PATH.)

BWEE, B-KI, B-KI, BWEE, BWEE. (SO MANY WORTH EXPLORING.)

B-KI, B-KI B-KI-KI. (JUST ONE WOULD BE SO BORING.)

BWEE, BWEE, B-KI, BWEE, BWEE… (AND LOOK WHAT YOU'RE IGNORING...)

::gestures to the trees and flowers. Miaka looks around::

BWEE BWEE BWEE BWEE BWEE, BWEE BWEE BWEE, (THINK OF THOSE CRISP, AGING BONES,)

BWEE BWEE BWEE B-KI, (THEN SOMETHING FRESH ON THE PALATE,)

BWEE BWEE B-KI B-KI BWEE (THINK OF THAT SCRUMPTIOUS CARNALITY)

BWEE BWEE BWEE—! (TWICE IN ONE DAY—!)

BWEE, B-KI B-KI (THERE'S NO POSSIBLE WAY)

B-KI, B-KI, BWEE, (TO DESCRIBE WHAT YOU FEEL,)

BWEE, BWEE, BWEE, BWEE, B-KI, B-KI. (WHEN YOU'RE TALKING TO YOUR MEAL.)

Little Red Ridinghood: ::stops:: MOTHER SAID,

NOT TO STRAY

STILL I SUPPOSE,

A SMALL DELAY…

GRANNY MIGHT LIKE

A FRESH BOUQUET…

Goodbye, Mr. Wolf. ::Goes over to some flowers, picks them and leaves::

Wolf: Bwee, bwee, b-ki. (Goodbye little girl.)

BWEE, BWEE, BWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE…(AND HELLOOOOOOOOOOOO…) ::Howls:: B-ki! :I said howl!:: B-ki. B-ki! ::_That's_ a howl? Oh well. P-Chan leaves::

Baker: ::Comes out from behind the tree:: Is harm to come to that little girl…in the red cape!

::Rina appears in a puff of smoke::

Witch: Forget the little girl and get the cape! 

Baker: ::Clutches chest:: Where did you come from?!?

Witch: That's the cape. Get it!

Baker: How am I supposed to get it?

Witch: ::smacks forehead:: You go up to the little thing and you _take_ it!

Baker: I can't take a cloak from some little girl. Why don't you take it?

Witch: If I could, I wouldn't need you now would I…

Rapunzel: ::singing sweetly off in the distance:: AHHHHH……

Witch: Ahh…my Rapunzel…listen to her—

Rapunzel: ::goes vastly off key::

Witch: ::cringe:: —Beautiful music… ::turns to Miroku:: Get me what I need! ::Leaves::

Baker: ::unhappy:: I'll never get that red cape, nor find a golden cow, or a yellow slipper— or was it a golden slipper and a yellow cow? Oh no…

Baker's Wife: ::softly, behind a tree:: THE COWS AS WHITE AS MILK,

THE CAPE AS RED AS BLOOD,

THE HAIR AS YELLOW AS CORN,

THE SLIPPER AS PURE AS—

Baker: ::whirls around:: What are you doing here?

Baker's Wife: ::comes forward and tries to put a scarf around Miroku's neck:: You forgot your scarf—

Baker: ::takes scarf off:: You have no business being alone in the Wood! Now go home immediately!

Baker's Wife: Don't you take that tone with me Miroku!

Baker: ::pale::

Baker's Wife: I wish to help.

Baker: No! The spell is on my h—!

::Kenshin walks in dragging Yahiko-White by a leash::

Yahiko-White: ::struggles:: I'm rebelling! I didn't want to play the damn cow!

Clear Shadow: Do it and I'll give you a cookie.

Yahiko-White: ::thinking:: Better be a big cookie.

::Chiyumi, seeing Kenshin and Yahiko-White, puts a hand over Miroku's mouth::

Baker's Wife: ::half-whispering:: A COW AS WHITE AS—

::Miroku sees Kenshin and removes Chiyumi's hand::

Baker and Wife: ::Half whispering:: —milk. 

::Chiyumi pushes Miroku in Kenshin's direction and follows::

Baker: Hello there young man.

Jack: ::surprised:: Hello sir.

Baker: What might you be doing with a cow…in the middle of a forest?

Jack: I was heading towards market, that I was—but I seem to have lost my way, that I did.

Baker's Wife: ::coaching Miroku:: What are you planning to do there?

Baker: …Oh! And what are you planning to do there?

Baker's Wife: ::mutters:: Idiot.

Jack: Sell my cow sir, that I was. No less than five pounds.

Baker: Five pounds!

Baker's wife: For _that_? She weighs about five pounds.

Yahiko-White: Shut up!

Baker's wife: ::Kicks the cow::

Yahiko-White: Ow!! Owowowowowowow!

Baker's Wife: ::clears throat:: She must be generous of milk to fetch that sum.

Jack: ::Hesitant:: Yes Ma'am, that she is.

Baker's Wife: And if you can't fetch that sum? Then what are you to do?

Jack: I suppose Miss Karou and I will have no food to eat, that we won't.

::Miroku empties his pockets. He only has, some string, a pencil, a paper clip, a dirty magazine subscription card—::

Baker's Wife: A _what_?!?

Baker: ::very red:: Heh, heh, heh. N-nothing. You saw nothing…

::—and the witch's beans::

Baker's Wife: ::glaring at Miroku:: Beans— we mustn't give up our beans! Well…if you feel we must.

Baker: Huh?

Baker's Wife: ::to Kenshin:: Beans _will_ bring you food little Samurai boy.

Jack: "Little Samurai Boy?" ::Head shake:: I mean. Beans in exchange for my cow?

Baker's Wife: Oh these are no ordinary beans, Chibi-Samurai-Kun. These beans carry magic.

Jack: Magic? What kind of magic?

Baker's Wife: ::nudges Miroku:: Tell him.

::Inuyasha appears in a tree::

Baker: Magic…that defies…description. Yes, that's it. These are Holy Beans.

Mysterious Man: …you'd be lucky to exchange her for a sack of beans.

::Miroku, Yahiko, and Kenshin jump. Chiyumi looks bored::

Jack: How many beans?

Yahiko-White: You're exchanging me for beans?!? ::Tries to bite Kenshin's leg::

Baker: Six.

Baker's Wife: Five! We can't part with all of them. We have to keep one for ourselves. 'Sides I bet they're worth at least a pound each.

Jack: Can I buy my cow back someday?

Baker: Umm……maybe. ::Hands Kenshin five beans then drops one in his pocket:: Good luck there young lad.

Jack: ::To Yahiko-White:: I GUESS THIS GOODBYE OLD PAL,

YOU'VE BEEN A PERFECT FRIEND.

I HATE TO SEE US PART OLD PAL.

SOMEDAY I'LL BUY YOU BACK.

I'LL SEE YOU SOON AGAIN.

I HOPE THAT WHEN I DO,

IT WON'T BE ON A PLATE. ::Runs off, sad.::

Yahiko-White: Plate?!? Whaddya mean on a plate?!?! Come back here!!!

Baker: ::pissed, well, for Miroku anyway:: Take the cow and go home!

Baker's Wife: I was trying to be helpful.

Baker: Magic beans!

Baker's Wife: Hold it Chibi-Monk-Kun, who said they were Holy Beans?

Baker: Are we going to dispel this curse through deceit?

Baker's Wife: IF YOU KNOW

WHAT YOU WANT

THEN YOU GO

AND YOU FIND IT

AND YOU GET IT—

Baker: ::points:: Home.

Baker's Wife: Do we want a child or not?

Baker: Well…

Baker's Wife:—AND YOU GIVE

AND YOU TAKE

AND YOU BID

AND YOU BARGAIN

OR YOU LIVE

TO REGRET IT

Baker: Will you please go home.

Baker's Wife: THERE ARE RIGHTS AND WRONGS 

AND IN-BETWEENS—

NO ONE WAITS

WHEN FORTUNE INTERVENES.

AND MAYBE THEY'RE REALLY MAGIC

WHO KNOWS? 

WHY YOU DO WHAT YOU DO. THAT'S THE POINT;

ALL THE REST OF IT IS CHATTER.

Baker: ::Looking at Yahiko-White:: Look at her she's crying.

Yahiko-White: I wanna go hoooooooooooome!!!!!!!

Baker's Wife: IF THE THING YOU DO IS PURE IN INTENT,

IF IT'S MEANT,

AND IT'S JUST A LITTLE BENT,

DOES IT MATTER?

Baker: YES.

Baker's Wife: NO, WHAT MATTERS IS THAT EVERYONE TELLS TINY LIES.

WHAT'S IMPORTANT, REALLY, IS THE SIZE.

ONLY THREE MORE TRIES AND WE'LL HAVE OUR PRIZE.

WHEN THE END'S IN SIGHT, YOU'LL REALIZE:

IF THE END IS RIGHT, IT JUSTIFIES THE BEANS!

Baker: Go home. I will carry this out in my own fashion!

::Chiyumi grabs Yahiko-White roughly by the leash and begins to drag him out::

Yahiko-White: No! Lemme stay with that guy! I'll be good! Oh please?? She's gonna eat me!!!

Clear Shadow: And so the Baker continued his search for the cape as red as blood. As for Rapunzel, the Witch was careful not to lose this beauty to the outside world, and so shut her within a door less tower ::Not a tower.:: What? ::Not a tower. We had to use a Gundam:: Oh, ok then…. Shut her within a Gundam that lay deep within the forest. And when the old enchantress paid a visit, she called forth:

::Rina goes to the tower, meanwhile Hawk comes in and kneels behind a tree hiding::

Rapunzel: AHHHHHH……..

Witch: Rapunzel, Rapunzel, let down your hair to me—Duo?!? What the hell?!

Rapunzel: ::lowers hair:: Not like I asked to do this!!

Witch: I should've known it was you when you went majorly off key!! 

Rapunzel: My singing is just fine!!! Now are you going to climb up my braid or not?!

Witch: Yeah, yeah. :: Grabs braid and yanks herself up. Duo looks like he's in a huge amount of pain and has to grab the side of the Deathscythe to keep from falling down:: 

Rapunzel: Ever consider a diet?

Witch: ::Smacks him really hard:: SHUT UP!!! 

Rapunzel's Prince: I won't say it, you can't make me!! 

Sharpsnout: What the hell are you taking about?

Rapunzel's Prince: I'm not saying the line! Nobody told me it was _Duo_ up there!! 

Sharpsnout: Who'd you think it was?

Rapunzel's prince: _any_one else! Terr! Rina! Hell, Relena, I could've understood, but _Duo_?!?!

Clear Shadow: Just say it.

Rapunzel's Prince: No way!

Yume Tenshi: Please?

Rapunzel's Prince: No!

MereMew: That's it! I'm getting' the hose!!!

Rapunzel's Prince: Yeah, well I'm getting' my Gundam!!! ::Leaves::

::Miroku enters and nearly runs over Miaka::

Little Red Ridinghood: That's the fourth time today! Stop knocking me down!

Baker: Sorry. Um, have you saved some of those sweets for Granny?

Little Red Ridinghood: I ate all the sweets…and half the loaf of bread.

Baker: Where did you get that beautiful cape? I so admire it.

Little Red Ridinghood: My Granny made it for me.

Baker: Is that right? I would love a red cloak like that. ::examines the cape::

Little Red Ridinghood: ::giggles:: You'd look pretty foolish. ::Miroku tugs on her cape, Miaka grabs on and tugs back::

Baker: May I take a look at it?

Little Red Ridinghood: ::panic:: I don't like to be without my cape! Please give it back! ::Tug of war ensues::

Baker: ::frustrated:: I want it badly.

Little Red Ridinghood: IT'S MINE!!!!!

Witch's Voice: Forget the little girl and get the cape!

::Miroku wins the tug of war and runs off with the cape::

Little Red Ridinghood: ::Blink, blink. Bursts into hysterical anime tears::

Baker: ::sheepish, puts cape back around Miaka's shoulders:: I just wanted to make sure you really loved it. Go on, go to granny's and make sure that no wolf come your way.

Little Red Ridinghood: I'd rather a wolf than you any day! ::Kicks Miroku in the shins. Wow, you're getting beat up left and right aren't you?::

Baker: ::nods Painfully:: IF YOU KNOW 

WHAT YOU NEED

THEN YOU GO

AND YOU FIND IT

AND YOU TAKE IT

Do I want a child or not? 

IT'S A CLOAK,

WHAT'S A CLOAK?

ITS A JOKE,

IT'S A STUPID LITTLE CLOAK,

AND A CLOAK IS WHAT YOU MAKE IT.

::nods, convincing himself::

SO YOU TAKE IT.

THINGS ARE ONLY WHAT YOU NEED THEM FOR

WHAT'S IMPORTANT IS WHO NEEDS THEM MORE—

I need that cape! ::He chases after Miaka::

Yume Tenshi: And so the Baker, with new-found determination, went after the red cape. As for the little girl, she was surprised to find her Grandmother's cottage door standing open.

Little Red Ridinghood: ::walking up to the open doorway:: How uneasy I feel. ::snaps fingers:: The sweets… ah well. ::Walks in. P-Chan is laying in the bed under the covers all the way.:: Good day Grandmother. ::Gets closer to the bed and pokes the lump that is P-Chan:: My Grandmother, you're looking very strange. What big ears you have!

Wolf: Bwee, bwee, bwee, bwee. (The better to hear you with my dear)

Little Red Ridinghood: Oh. But Grandmother, what big _eyes_ you have!

Wolf: Bwee, b-ki, b-ki, bwee. (The better to see you with my dear)

Little Red Ridinghood: Oh, grandmother what a big wet terrible mouth you have!

Wolf: Bwee, b-ki, bwee bwee! (The better to _eat_ you with!) 

::P-Chan launches himself out of bead and latches onto Miaka's face. Miaka runs around the room, trying to get him off and smacks into a wall. P-Chan tries to get her in the trapdoor under the bed, fails and squeals loudly::

Ceres: ::runs out:: What? Oh. Good job Ryoga you killed your daughter.

Wolf: Bwee bwee, b-ki, bwee!!! (Just help me out!)

Ceres: Sheesh, ok, ok, ok. ::gets the dazed Miaka under the door:: Happy? ::Leaves::

Sharpsnout: Uh…yeah. Ok. Um.. With his appetite appeased, the Wolf took to bed for a nice long nap.

::P-Chan begins snoring, Miroku enters::

Baker: Wow! What a snore! ::Looks through the window:: Odd, where is the little one? Eating, no doubt. ::Turns to go.::

Wolf: Buuuuuuuuuurrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrppppppppppp………….

Baker: Or eaten!! ::stops, turns, goes into cottage with staff held defensively, and pokes lump on bed:: Grandmother, hah! I'll stop you before you eat some poor defenseless little girl!! :: goes to release the Vortex in his hand and all four narrators jump on him::

Clear Shadow: Are you nuts?!?

Yume Tenshi: It's just a play! P-Chan didn't really eat Miaka!!

Sharpsnout: Are you trying to kill us all?!?

MereMew: MORON!!!

Baker: ::blush:: Sorry, got a little carried away. ::Narrators back off, Miroku turns back to the lump and pulls out a knife:: What is that red cloth in the corner of your mouth? Looks to me to be a piece of the—A-HA!! I'll get the cape from within your stomach! ::Cut's open the lump. Ha ha, you thought it was P-Chan didn't you? Hee hee! Anyway, he cuts open the lump and Miaka steps out.::

Little Red Ridinghood: Ew disgusting! How dark and dank it was in there!

::Mousse pops out of the wolf::

Little Red Ridinghood: O_O!! Mousse-san?! How—Who—

Granny: ::throttling a lamp:: Kill the devil!!

Baker: ::Sweatdrop:: Why is he strangling a lamp?

Little Red Ridinghood: He doesn't have his glasses on. Mousse-san over here!! ::Grabs his hands and places them on the lump:: There you go throttle that.

Granny: Thank-you. Kill the devil!

Little Red Ridinghood: Granny!

Granny: Quiet child, this evil must be destroyed! Let's put rocks in his stomach and watch him try to get up!

Baker: ::scared:: Well, I will leave you to your task.

Granny: ::turns and talks to a chair:: Don't you want the skins?

Baker: Over this way. ::Miaka turns Mousse so he's facing Miroku::

Granny: Oh. Don't you want the skins?

Baker: No. No! You keep them.

Granny: What kind of hunter are you?

Baker: I'm a baker! ::Points to himself with the hand holding the knife, forgetting the he's still _holding_ the knife and stabs himself in the chest:: Owie….

Clear Shadow: Miroku!! ::Runs over::

Yume Tenshi: He hurt himself!! ::Follows::

::Miaka goes outside the cottage as Clear Shadow and Yume Tenshi fawn over Miroku::

Little Red Ridinghood: MOTHER SAID

"STRAIGHT AHEAD,"

NOT TO DELAY

OR BE MISLED.

I SHOULD HAVE HEADED 

HER ADVICE…

BUT HE SEEMED SO NICE.

AND HE SHOWED ME THINGS,

MANY BEAUTIFUL THINGS,

THAT I HADN'T THOUGHT TO EXPLORE.

THEY WERE OFF MY PATH ,

SO I NEVER HAD DARED.

I HAD BEEN SO CAREFUL 

I NEVER HAD CARED.

AND HE MADE ME FEEL EXCITED—

WELL EXCITED AND SCARED.

WHEN HE SID "COME IN"

WITH THAT SICKENING GRIN,

HOW COULD I KNOW WHAT WAS IN STORE?

ONCE HIS TEETH WERE BARED,

THEN I REALLY GOT SCARED—

WELL, EXCITED AND SCARED—

BUT HE DREW ME CLOSE 

AND HE SWALLOWED ME DOWN,

DOWN A DARK SLIMY PATH

WHERE LIES SECRETS THAT I NEVER WANT TO KNOW,

AND WHEN EVERYTHING FAMILIAR

SEEMED TO DISAPPEAR FOREVER,

AT THE END OF THE PATH

WAS GRANNY ONCE AGAIN.

SO WE WAIT IN THE DARK

UNTIL SOMEONE LET US FREE,

AND WE'RE BROUGHT INTO THE LIGHT,

AND WE'RE BACK AT THE START.

AND I KNOW THINGS NOW,

MANY VALUABLE THINGS,

THAT I HADN'T KNOWN BEFORE:

DO NOT PUT YOUR FAITH

IN A CAPE AND A HOOD—

THEY WILL NOT PROTECT YOU 

THE WAY THAT THEY SHOULD—

AND TAKE EXTRA CARE WITH STRANGERS,

EVEN FLOWERS HAVE THEIR DANGERS.

AND THOUGH SCARY IS EXCITING,

NICE IS DIFFERENT THAN GOOD.

NOW I KNOW, DON'T BE SCARED

GRANNY IS RIGHT JUST BE PREPARED

ISN'T IT NICE TO KNOW A LOT?

AND A LITTLE BIT…NOT.

::Miroku walks up, dejected::

Mr. Baker you saved our lives. Here. ::Hands him the cape::

Baker: Are you certain?

Little Red Ridinghood: Yes. Maybe Granny will make me a new one with the skins of that wolf…with his glasses on I hope.

Baker: Thank you! ::Does happy dance of the ferret, kisses Miaka's cheek and leaves. Miaka makes an "Eww, cooties" face and leaves::

MereMew: And so the Baker, with the second article in hand, feeling braver and more satisfied than he had ever felt, ran back through the Woods. ::We see Karou's Dojo:: As for the lad Jack:

Jack's Mother: ::pissed like a distempered raccoon:: Only a dolt would exchange a cow for beans! Even a cow like Yahiko-White!! ::Chucks beans onto the ground::

Jack: Miss Karou no— ::Goes to get them::

Jack's Mother: To bed without supper for you! ::Grabs Kenshin's ponytail and drags him into the house.

Jack: Oro!!

Clear Shadow: Little did they know those beans would grow into an enormous stalk that would stretch into the heavens. Little also did they know since they could've eaten the damn beans!

::Chiyumi enters dragging a protesting Yahiko-White by the leash. Yahiko-White has a lantern. In the distance is ball music. Lilli runs onstage. Men's voices can be heard and Lilli dashes behind a tree and mouths the words "Keep quiet" to Chiyumi who nods::

::Fanfare, Raven and Van enter, look around and notice Chiyumi who is bowing gracefully::

Cinderella's Prince: Have you seen Lilli?

Steward: That's not the line.

Cinderella's Prince: Shut up slave boy.

Steward: I'm not your slave!

Baker's Wife: ::takes out Shukusens and hurl them at Raven and Van. Both young men become quiet:: You, ::Points to Raven:: Say the lines right. 

Cinderella's Prince: Yeah fine. Have you seen a beautiful young woman in a ball gown pass through?

Baker's Wife: I don't think so sir.

Yahiko-White: Liar! She's behind the ::is whacked off the top of the head with a Shukusen:: Owie…

Steward: I think I see her over there. ::They dash off yelling insults at each other the whole way::

Baker's Wife: I've never lied to royalty before. I've never _anything_ to royalty before!

Cinderella: ::comes out from tree:: Thanks.

Baker's Wife: What a beautiful gown! Were you at the king's festival?

Cinderella: ::Sarcastic:: No.

Baker's Wife: Really?

Cinderella: Yes I was at the ball!!

Baker's Wife: Aren't you the lucky one? If a prince were chasing after me, I certainly wouldn't hide. Tell me about the ball.

Cinderella: What brings you here—and with a cow?

Baker's Wife: Oh, my husband's somewhere in the woods. ::proud:: He is undoing a spell.

Cinderella: ::impressed:: Oh?

Baker's Wife: Oh, yes. Now, the Prince, what was he like?

Cinderella: HE'S A VERY NICE PRINCE.

Baker's Wife: And—?

Cinderella: And— IT'S A VERY NICE BALL.

Baker's Wife: And—?

Cinderella: And— WHEN I ENTERED, THEY TRUMPETED.

Baker's Wife: And—? The Prince—?

Cinderella: Oh, the Prince...

Baker's Wife: Yes, the Prince!

Cinderella: WELL, HE'S TALL.

Baker's Wife: IS THAT ALL? Did you dance? Is he charming? They say that he's charming.

Cinderella: Charming? Raven? WE DID NOTHING BUT DANCE.

Baker's Wife: Yes—? And—?

Cinderella: AND IT MADE A NICE CHANGE.

Baker's Wife: No, the Prince!

Cinderella: Oh, the Prince...

Baker's Wife: Yes, the Prince.

Cinderella: HE HAS CHARM FOR A PRINCE, I GUESS...

Baker's Wife: Guess?

Cinderella: I DON'T MEET A WIDE RANGE.

AND IT'S ALL VERY STRANGE.

Baker's Wife: Are you to return to the festival tomorrow eve?

Cinderella: Perhaps.

Baker's Wife: Perhaps? Oh to be pursued by a prince. All that peruses me is tomorrow's bread. And Miroku on occasion. Ok not on occasion…a lot. What I wouldn't give to be in your shoes.

Cinderella: Hey look a huge vine is growing next to that!

Baker's Wife: I mean slippers!

Cinderella: Looks like a beanstalk.

Baker's Wife: ::excited:: As pure as gold?!

Cinderella: I must get home. ::Begins to leave::

Baker's Wife: Wait! ::Lilli leaves:: I need your shoes!

Yahiko-White: I'm outta here! ::runs::

Baker's Wife: Wait! You little creep! Get back here!! ::runs after Yahiko-White::

::one by one each of the characters appears moving through the woods, darting in and out of trees and paths, pursuing their errands, mostly oblivious to the others::

Baker: One midnight gone...

Mysterious Man: No knot unties itself.

Witch: Sometimes the things you most wish for are not to be touched.

Cinderella's Prince, Rapunzel's Prince: The harder to get, the better to have...

Cinderella's Prince: Agreed?

Rapunzel's Prince: Agreed.

Florinda: Never wear mauve at a ball...

Lucinda: Or pink...

Stepmother: Or open your mouth...

Jack: ::Looking at the beanstalk:: The difference between a cow and a bean is a bean can begin an adventure, that it can…

Jack's Mother: Slotted spoons don't hold much soup...

Little Red Ridinghood: The prettier the flower, the farther from the path...

Cinderella's Father: The closer to the family, the closer to the wine...

Rapunzel: ::Offstage:: AHHH... ::Goes off key, all cringe::

Witch: One midnight gone!

Granny: The mouth of a wolf's not the end of the world...

Steward: A servant is not just a dog, to a Prince...

Cinderella: Opportunity is not a lengthy visitor...

Baker's Wife: You may know what you need, but to get what you want, better see that you keep what you have...

::All begin to overlap each other::

Baker: One midnight gone...

Witch: Sometimes the things you most wish for are not to be touched...

Cinderella's Prince, Rapunzel's Prince: The harder to get, the better to have...

Cinderella's Prince: Agreed?

Rapunzel's Prince: Agreed...

Baker: One midnight gone...one midnight gone...

Florinda: Never wear mauve at a ball...

Lucinda: Or pink...

Jack's Mother: Slotted spoons don't hold much soup...

Baker's Wife: To get what you want better see that you keep what you have...

Little Red Ridinghood: The prettier the flower...

All: One midnight, one midnight, one midnight gone!

INTO THE WOODS,

INTO THE WOODS,

INTO THE WOODS,

THEN OUT OF THE WOODS

AND HOME BEFORE—

****

END OF SCENE TWO


	3. Act One, Scene Three

Into the Woods

************************************************************************

For your convenience and in case you forgot, here's the cast list. Don't worry I'm putting it at the binging of every scene.

Cast:

Narrators: Clear Shadow, Yume Tenshi, Sharpsnout and MereMew

Jack: Himura Kenshin

Baker: Miroku

Cinderella's Stepmother: Irvine

Lucinda: Moonbay

Little Red Ridinghood: Hibiki Miaka

Cinderella's Mother: Rudolf

Wolf: P-Chan

Rapunzel: Maxwell Duo

Cinderella's Prince: Raven

Milky White (Called Yahiko-White for the sake of humor): Yahiko

Cinderella: Lilli

Jack's Mother: Kamiya Karou

Baker's Wife: Chiyumi

Florinda: Fiona

Cinderella's Father: Dr. D

Witch: Maxwell Rina

Mysterious Man: Inuyasha

Granny: Mousse

Rapunzel's Prince: Hawk

Steward: Van 

************************************************************************

****

Scene Three

::Miroku is sleeping under a tree. Kenshin suddenly runs out from behind the trees holding a huge sack of money::

Jack: THERE ARE GIANTS IN THE SKY, that there are!

THERE ARE BIG TALL TERRIBLE GIANTS IN THE SKY!

WHEN YOU'RE WAY UP HIGH 

AND YOU LOOK BELOW

AT THE WORLD YOU LEFT

AND THE THINGS YOU KNOW,

LITTLE MORE THAN A GLANCE

IS ENOUGH TO SHOW

YOU JUST HOW SMALL YOU ARE

WHEN YOU'RE WAY UP HIGH 

AND YOU'RE ON YOUR OWN

IN A WORLD LIKE NONE

THAT YOU'VE EVER KNOWN

WHERE THE SKY IS LEAD

AND THE EARTH IS STONE

YOU'RE FREE TO DO

WHATEVER PLEASES YOU,

EXPLORING THINGS THAT YOU'D NEVER DARE

'CAUSE YOU DON'T CARE,

WHEN SUDDENLY THERE'S

A BIG TALL TERRIBLE GIANT AT THE DOOR

A BIG TALL TERRIBLE LADY GIANT SWEEPING THE FLOOR

AND SHE GIVES YOU FOOD

AND SHE GIVES YOU REST

AND SHE DRAWS YOU CLOSE

TO HER GIANT BREAST,

AND YOU KNOW THINGS NOW THAT YOU NEVER KNEW BEFORE,

NOT 'TIL THE SKY.

ONLY JUST WHEN YOU'VE MADE

A FRIEND AND ALL

AND YOU KNOW SHE'S BIG

BUT YOU DON'T FEEL SMALL

SOMEONE BIGGER THAN HER

COMES ALONG THE HALL

TO SWALLOW YOU FOR LUNCH.

AND YOUR HEART IS LEAD

AND YOUR STOMACH STONE

AND YOU'RE REALLY SCARED

BEING ALL ALONE.

AND IT'S THEN THAT YOU LONG

FOR THE THINGS YOU'VE KNOWN

AND THE WORLD YOU LEFT

AND THE LITTLE YOU OWN.

THE FUN IS DONE.

YOU STEAL WHAT YOU CAN AND RUN.

AND YOU SCRAMBLE DOWN 

AND YOU LOOK BELOW,

AND THE WORLD YOU KNOW

BEGINS TO GROW:

THE ROOF, THE HOUSE, AND YOUR MOTHER AT THE DOOR

THE ROOF, THE HOUSE, AND THE WORLD YOU NEVER THOUGHT TO EXPLORE

AND YOU THINK OF ALL OF THE THINGS YOU'VE SEEN,

AND YOU WISH THAT YOU COULD LIVE IN BETWEEN,

AND YOU'RE BACK AGAIN,

ONLY DIFFERENT THAN BEFORE,

AFTER THE SKY.

THERE ARE GIANTS IN THE SKY! That there are!

THERE ARE BIG TALL TERRIBLE AWESOME SCARY

WONDERFUL GIANTS IN THE SKY!

::Miroku stirs and Kenshin bounds over to him::

Jack: ::bound, bound, bound:: Good fortune! Good fortune sir! Look what I have! Five gold pieces, that I have.

Baker: ::astounded:: Five gold pieces!? ::Bites down on one::

Jack: I had more, but Miss Karou made me surrender them, that she did. She allowed me these five to do with as I pleased.

Baker: Holy…

Jack: Where is Yahiko-White? 

Baker: Yahiko-White is back home with my wife.

Jack: Let's go find them! ::Begins to leave::

Baker: Wait!! ::Returns money to Kenshin:: I don't know that I wish to sell—

Jack: You said I might buy her back, that you did.

Baker: I know, but I'm not sure five gold pieces would—

Jack: Are you saying that you wish more money? 

Baker: More money is always—

Jack: ::Shoves sack of gold into Miroku's hands:: Keep this, I will go fetch more, that I will.

Baker: Wait a minute I never said— :Kenshin runs off, Miroku looks at the money:: Five gold pieces! With this money I could buy baking supplies for a year. I could buy a new thatched roof and a new chimney.

::Inuyasha jumps down from a tree::

Mysterious Man: But could ya buy a child?

Baker: Yes actually.

Mysterious Man: How the hell do ya figure that?

Baker: I could _pay_ beautiful women to bear my child!

Mysterious Man: ::growls at him:: You are _not_ two-timin' my sister!

Baker: I could pay Chiyumi to—::Is hit by Inuyasha:: Ouch…

Clear Shadow: I'll bear your child!

Yume Tenshi: Me too! Me too!

Baker: _Really_?

Clear Shadow, Yume Tenshi: ::nod nod, nod nod::

MereMew: Umm, guys. The play? Remember that?

Baker, Clear Shadow, Yume Tenshi: Oh yeah…

Baker: Who are you?

Mysterious Man: When first I appear I seem delirious, but when explained I am nothing serious. Would you buy yourself a child?

Baker: I don't understand.

Mysterious Man: Ya me either. How badly do you want a kid? Five gold pieces? Ten? Twenty?

Baker: I never thought to put a price on it.

Mysterious Man: Exactly. ::Grabs gold and runs off::

Baker: Hey! Give that back Inuyasha!! ::Chiyumi enters from behind another tree:: Oh! Chiyumi! You uh…you didn't hear that conversation did you?

Baker's Wife: What conversation?

Baker: Nothing! Never mind! What are you doing here now?

Baker's Wife: ::avoiding the question:: I see you've the red cape.

Baker: Yes, I've the cape. Only two items left to locate.

Baker's Wife: Three.

Baker: Two. I've the cape ::Wags the cape he's wearing around his shoulders:: and the cow. ::Mimes like he's petting a cow::

Baker's Wife: ::Faking enthusiasm:: You've the cape!

Baker: ::Blink, blink, light-bulb:: _What have you done with the cow?!? You _ate_ it didn't you?!?_

Baker's Wife: ::Bursts into tears:: The little shit ran away! I never got back home, I've been looking all night!

Baker: I should've known better than to leave her with you.

Baker's Wife: Don't talk to me like that! He would've run from you too!

Baker: But she didn't!

Baker's Wife: But she might have!

Baker: BUT SHE DIDN'T!!!!

::Rina drops out of a tree::

Witch: WHO THE HELL CARES?!?! THE POINT IS THAT THE LITTLE SHIT IS GONE!! GET IT BACK!!! GET IT BACK!!!!!

Baker: ::walks over to her:: We were just about to do that. Here, I can give you this—

Witch: DON'T GIVE ME THAT YOU IDIOT!!! I don't wanna touch that! Are you dense?

::Duo begins singing sweetly in the background::

Witch: My sweetness calls…

::Duo goes off key again::

Witch: ::winces:: By tomorrow midnight—deliver the items or you'll wish you never thought to bear children! ::Disappears::

Baker: She scares me.

Baker's Wife: ::apologetic:: I'm sorry I lost the cow.

Baker: I shouldn't have yelled… Now, please, go back to the village. ::Chiyumi looks annoyed as she turns around and begins to leave.:: I _will_ make things right! And then we can just go home and go about our life. No more woods and strange treasure hunts or witches or hungry little girls or dim-witted boys. ::Chiyumi turns back to him:: Go! ::They exit in opposite directions. Then Chiyumi turns around to go after Miroku::

::Two fanfares. Raven runs in looking bedraggled and very pissed off. Hawk meets him as Chiyumi goes up a tree to watch intently::

Rapunzel's Prince: There you are. Dad an' me were wondering where you went.

Clear Shadow: Dad and _I_.

Sharpsnout: Shush.

Cinderella's Prince: I was looking for Lilli…again. 

Rapunzel's Prince: Yeah? Where'd she go?

Cinderella's Prince: If I knew that I wouldn't be looking for her, now would I? Idiot.

Rapunzel's Prince: Shut up. I found a…beautiful? Princess myself. She lives at the top of a tall tower…er…Gundam with no doors or stairs.

Cinderella's Prince: A Gundam?

Clear Shadow: It's almost exactly like a Zoid.

Cinderella's Prince: Oh. How do you get up to her?

Rapunzel's Prince: I don't that's the point. I don't wanna get up there!

Sharpsnout: Hawk! Say the damn line!

Rapunzel's Prince: ::sighs. Then begins talking in monotone:: I stand beneath her and say "Rapunzel, Rapunzel let down your hair to me" Then she lowers a crap-load of blonde hair, kinda looks like corn, down and I climb up. 

::Chiyumi looks excited::

Cinderella's Prince: ::busts out laughing:: Who the hell names their kid "Rapunzel"??

Rapunzel's Prince: Yeah well, at least I know where my princess is!

Cinderella's Prince:………………

Clear Shadow: Isn't there supposed to be a song here?

Cinderella's Prince: Forget it.

Rapunzel's Prince: I don't sing. Not for Duo.

Clear Shadow: ::Pleading:: Come on, it's only one…tiny little song. Is easy.

Cinderella's Prince: ::grabs her arm and drags her over:: Here you go, you think it's so easy _you_ sing something! ::Stomps off, followed by Hawk::

Clear Shadow: ::looks around nervously:: Umm….er…. ::Begins rocking back and forth on her heels:: Guys?

Yume Tenshi: You got yourself into this.

MereMew: Yeah, "is easy" Remember?

Clear Shadow: Some friends!

Sharpsnout: I got your back. I just ain't getting' up there with ya.

Clear Shadow: DON'T SAY THAT WORD!!!!

:: Ceres walks on stage and places a CD player next to Clear Shadow::

Ceres: Number eleven.

Clear Shadow: Et tu Brute?

Ceres: Number eleven. ::Leaves::

Clear Shadow: ::grumble, grumble. Pushes play then goes to number eleven:: Hey! I know this song! 

Yume Tenshi: Then sing it.

Clear Shadow: OH, YOU KNOW I HAVE SEEN

A SKY WITHOUT SUN

A MAN WITH NO NATION

SAINTS, CAPTIVE IN CHAINS

A SONG WITH NO NAME

FOR LACK OF IMAGINATION

YA HE...

AND I HAVE SEEN

DARKER THAN EBONY

YA HE...

AND NOW IT SEEMS, THAT I

WITHOUT YOUR EYES COULD NEVER BE

::Starts dancing::

MY ONE DESIRE, ALL I ASPIRE

IS IN YOUR EYES FOREVER TO LIVE

TRAVELED ALL OVER; THE SEVEN OCEANS

THERE IS NOTHING THAT I WOULDN'T GIVE

CAME FROM BAH REIN, GOT TO BEIRUT

LOOKING FOR SOMEONE COMPARING TO YOU

TEARING DOWN WINDOWS AND DOORS

AND I COULD NOT FIND EYES LIKE YOURS

::Spanish::

CAME FROM BAH REIN, GOT TO BEIRUT

LOOKING FOR SOMEONE COMPARING TO YOU

TEARING DOWN WINDOWS AND DOORS

AND I COULD NOT FIND EYES LIKE YOURS

OH, I YOU KNOW I HAVE SEEN

A WOMAN OF MEANS

IN RAGS AND BEGGING SOME FOR PLEASURE

CROSSED A RIVER OF SALT

JUST AFTER I RODE

A SHIP THAT'S SUNK IN THE DESERT

YA HE...

AND I HAVE SEEN

DARKER THAN EBONY

YA HE...

AND NOW IT SEEMS, THAT I

WITHOUT YOUR EYES COULD NEVER BE

MY ONE DESIRE, ALL I ASPIRE

IS IN YOUR EYES FOREVER TO LIVE

TRAVELED ALL OVER; THE SEVEN OCEANS

THERE IS NOTHING THAT I WOULDN'T GIVE

CAME FROM BAH REIN, GOT TO BEIRUT

LOOKING FOR SOMEONE COMPARING TO YOU

TEARING DOWN WINDOWS AND DOORS

AND I COULD NOT FIND EYES LIKE YOURS

::Spanish::

CAME FROM BAH REIN, GOT TO BEIRUT

LOOKING FOR SOMEONE COMPARING TO YOU

TEARING DOWN WINDOWS AND DOORS

AND I COULD NOT FIND EYES LIKE YOURS

:Instrumental break, then Spanish::

LOOKING FOR SOMEONE COMPARING TO YOU

TEARING DOWN WINDOWS AND DOORS

AND I COULD NOT FIND EYES LIKE YOURS

MY ONE DESIRE, ALL I ASPIRE

IS IN YOUR EYES FOREVER TO LIVE

TRAVELED ALL OVER; THE SEVEN OCEANS

THERE IS NOTHING THAT I WOULDN'T GIVE

CAME FROM BAH REIN, GOT TO BEIRUT

LOOKING FOR SOMEONE COMPARING TO YOU

TEARING DOWN WINDOWS AND DOORS

AND I COULD NOT FIND EYES LIKE YOURS

Baker's Wife: That was cute. Do that again?

Clear Shadow: ::evil death glare:: No! Now get on with it!!

Baker's Wife: ::kicks CD player out of the way:: Two Princes, each more handsome than the other… ::Begins to follow the Princes, then stops and shakes her head:: No! The Hair! I'm married! ::Runs off in the other direction and crashes into Karou::

Jack's Mother: Oh! I'm sorry. Have you seen a Samurai with red hair and a sunny, though occasionally vague disposition, who answers to the name of Jack?

Baker's Wife: The one with the cow?

Jack's Mother: That would be him.

Baker's Wife: Have you seen the cow?

Jack's Mother: No and I don't care to. Ever. Again. Children can be very queer about their animals. You be very careful with your children…

Baker's Wife: I don't have any.

Jack's Mother: That's even better.

Baker's Wife: I'm sorry I haven't seen Chibi-samurai-kun today.

Jack's Mother: ::Annoyed and confused:: I hope he didn't go up that beanstalk again. ::Leaves calling:: Jack? Jack? _Jack_!!

::Chiyumi, after much blinking, runs off. Miroku enters looking for the damn cow.::

Baker: ::unhappy:: Moomoo…

::Inuyasha appears from nowhere::

Mysterious Man: Moo! ::Laughs:: Loose something Miroku? ::Leaves then comes back dragging Yahiko-White by a leash and pinch collar::

Baker: Where'd you find it? ::Inuyasha leaves as Miroku grabs the leash:: Hello?

Yahiko-White: He left.

Baker: ::Gives leash sharp tug, Yahiko yelps::

Yahiko-White: All right! I give!

Baker: C'mon Moomoo.

Yahiko-White: I am not Moomoo!!

::Miroku leads him out, Inuyasha jumps down from his tree and watches them go. Rina walks up behind him and hits him with her staff. Inuyasha looks at her::

Mysterious Man: That was supposed to hurt right?

Witch: Ooo! I've got something that will! ::Whips out tape player::

Mysterious Man: What's that? Can I eat it? Does it taste like that great ramen stuff?

Witch: Since the thing is plastic I'm gonna go with no, you can't eat it and no, it doesn't taste like ramen.

Mysterious Man: Well then, what the hell does it do?

Witch: ::Giggles evilly:: This! ::Pushes play::

Recording of Kagome's voice: SIT BOY!!

Mysterious Man: ::Falls face-first into the ground:: 

Witch: Heh, heh.

Mysterious Man: ::Gets up:: The hell?

Witch: ::Pushes re-wind, then play::

Recording of Kagome's Voice: SIT BOY!!

Mysterious Man: ::Falls again:: Stop that!

Clear Shadow: Guys…

Witch: What are you doing?

Mysterious Man: I'm here to make up for stuff.

Witch: I want you to stay out of this…:: looks at pieces of paper :: Chibi-hanyou-kun!! Wait…Chibi-hanyou-kun?? What the hell?

Mysterious Man: Who gave you that?!? ::Goes after her, Rina pushes re-wind then play::

Recording of Kagome's Voice: SIT BOY!!

Mysterious Man: ::Falls down a third time::

Witch: Say the line or I'll do it again!

Mysterious Man: I'm here to, ::Gets up:: see that you get your damn wish.

Witch: You've caused enough trouble! Keep outta my way! ::Waves tape player at him, Inuyasha runs, and Rina follows::

::Chiyumi walks over to Deathscythe, Duo has left out the long expanse of hair::

Rapunzel: ::Singing sweetly:: AHHHHHHHHHHH…..

Baker's Wife: It's a _guy_ up there? What a voice! Well, you'll have to excuse me for—

Rapunzel: ::Goes way off key, cutting Chiyumi off::

Baker's Wife: ::dog-ears flatten to block out the horrible sound:: On second thought, don't excuse me for this. ::Grabs hold of Duo's hair and yanks. Duo yelps and is almost taken out of the Gundam. Some hair falls into Chiyumi's hands. She grins happily and runs off::

Rapunzel: Ow damnit!

::Lilli enters as if being chased, suddenly she trips and lands an impressive gymnastic move at Chiyumi's feet, and she loses a slipper::

Cinderella: Whoa, that was cool. Hi, it's these slippers I bet. They're not good for these surroundings. Actually they're not good for much.

Baker's Wife: I'd say those things were as pure as gold.

Cinderella: Yeah, cool huh? ::Takes back slipper::

Baker's Wife: What I wouldn't kill for just one.

Cinderella: One isn't gonna do much for you.

Baker's Wife: Was the ball as wonderful as last evening?

Cinderella: IT'S STILL A NICE BALL

Baker's Wife: Yes...? And...?

Cinderella: And...

THEY HAVE FAR TOO MUCH FOOD.

Baker's Wife: No, the Prince...

Cinderella: Oh, the Prince...

Baker's Wife: Yes, the Prince.

Cinderella: IF HE KNEW WHO I REALLY WAS...

Baker's Wife: Oh? Who?

Cinderella: I'M AFRAID I WAS RUDE.

Baker's Wife: Oh? How?

Cinderella: NOW I'M BEING PURSUED

Baker's Wife: Yes? And...

Cinderella: AND I'M NOT IN THE MOOD

Baker's Wife: He must have really taken a liking to you.

Cinderella: That's what I'm afraid of. Raven is…possessive.

::Van enters the woods with black lantern and staff, searching. Raven follows::

Cinderella: I have no experience with Princes and castles and gowns.

Baker's Wife: Nonsense, every girl dreams...

Steward: Look, sir. Look!

Cinderella's Prince: Yes. There she is. Move. Move. Move it slave boy!

Steward: I am not a slave boy!!

Cinderella: I gotta run. ::Chiyumi grabs the shoe::

Baker's Wife: And I must have your shoe!

Cinderella: Stop that! ::They begin a tug of war over the shoe::

Baker's Wife: I need it to have a baby!

Cinderella: _I_ need it to get out of here! Do you know what Raven can be like? ::Wrenches shoe away and runs off.::

::Raven enters followed by Van. Chiyumi bows politely::

Cinderella's Prince: Where the hell did she go?

Baker's Wife: Who?

Steward: Lilli.

Cinderella's Prince: Shut up slave boy!

Steward: I'm not a slave boy!

Baker's Wife: ::Eye roll:: Do you mean that beautiful young maiden in the ball gown? She went that way. I was trying to hold her for you…

Cinderella's Prince: You think I can't catch my own woman?!

Clear Shadow: WHAT DID YOU JUST CALL HER?!?! I GOT NEWS FOR YOU, LILLI CAN TAKE YOU!!! 

Cinderella's Prince: ::Glares, leaves, followed by Van who grins apologetically::

Stepmother: ::Runs onstage followed by Fiona and Moonbay::Where did he go?

Baker's Wife: Who? And _what_ are you wearing?

Stepmother: Nothing.

Lucinda: The Prince, of course!

Baker's Wife: That direction. But you'll never reach them!

Florinda: We would have if that monk with the cow hadn't molested us.

Baker's Wife: Cow? ::Head shake:: _MONK?!?_

::Fiona and Moonbay giggle. Miroku runs onstage with Yahiko-White. They are both out of breath::

Baker: It was only a _little_ fondle… ::sees Chiyumi:: Uh-oh.

::Irvine, Fiona and Moonbay giggle—::

Stepmother: Oh no. No giggling.

::Just do it.::

Stepmother: No.

::NOW!!::

Stepmother: ::Shudders:: Ok…. ::They all giggle as they leave::

::there is a long moment of silence. Chiyumi and Miroku stare at each other::

Baker: Chiyumi I—

Baker's Wife: Just continue with the damn play!

Baker: ::Dejected:: I thought you were returning home. I've had no luck.

Baker's Wife: You found it!

Baker: Yes, I found it, now we've two of the four.

Baker's Wife: Three.

Baker: Two.

Baker's Wife: Don't talk to me like I'm an idiot Chibi-monk-kun! ::Whips out hair:: Compare this to your corn!

Baker: ::Pulls out random ear of corn and smiles:: Where did you find it?

Baker's Wife: Yanked it off some guy in a tower.

Baker: Three!

Baker's Wife: And I almost had the fourth but she got away.

Baker: We've still got a day left, we can find the slipper by then.

Baker's Wife: _We_? You mean I can stay?

Baker: Well, perhaps it'll take two of us to have this child.

Clear Shadow: I dunno. Medical advances ha— ::Three pairs of hands clap over her mouth::

Yume, Tenshi, MereMew, Sharpsnout: SHUT UP YOU!!

Baker's Wife: YOU'VE CHANGED,

YOU'RE DARING

YOU'RE DIFFERENT IN THE WOODS

MORE SURE

MORE SHARING

YOU'RE GETTING US THROUGH THE WOODS

IF YOU COULD SEE...

YOU'RE NOT THE MAN WHO STARTED,

AND MUCH MORE OPENHEARTED

THAN I KNEW

YOU TO BE.

Baker: IT TAKES TWO

I THOUGHT ONE WAS ENOUGH,

IT'S NOT TRUE:

IT TAKES TWO OF US.

YOU CAME THROUGH

WHEN THE JOURNEY WAS ROUGH

IT TOOK YOU

IT TOOK TWO OF US.

IT TAKES CARE,

IT TAKES PATIENCE AND FEAR AND DESPAIR

TO CHANGE

THOUGH YOU SWEAR TO CHANGE

WHO CAN TELL IF YOU DO?

IT TAKES TWO.

Baker's Wife: YOU'VE CHANGED.

YOU'RE THRIVING.

THERE'S SOMETHING ABOUT THE WOODS.

NOT JUST SURVIVING

YOU'RE BLOSSOMING IN THE WOODS

AT HOME I FEAR

WE'D BE THE SAME FOREVER,

AND THEN OUT HERE...

YOU'RE PASSIONATE, CHARMING, CONSIDERATE, CLEVER...

Baker: IT TAKES ONE

TO BEGIN, BUT THEN ONCE

YOU'VE BEGUN

IT TAKES TWO OF YOU.

IT'S NO FUN

BUT WHAT NEEDS TO BE DONE

YOU CAN DO

WHEN THERE'S TWO OF YOU.

IF I DARE

IT'S BECAUSE I'M BECOMING

AWARE OF US

AS A PAIR OF US,

EACH ACCEPTING A SHARE

OF WHAT'S THERE.

Both: ::begin doing the "It Takes Two" dance. And no, I'm not explaining it: WE'VE CHANGED

WE'RE STRANGERS

I'M MEETING YOU IN THE WOODS

WHO MINDS

WHAT DANGERS?

I KNOW WE'LL GET PAST THE WOODS.

AND ONCE WE'RE PAST

LET'S HOPE THE CHANGES LAST

BEYOND WOODS

BEYOND WITCHES AND SLIPPERS AND HOODS,

JUST THE TWO OF US—

BEYOND LIES

SAFE AT HOME WITH OUR BEAUTIFUL PRIZE,

JUST THE FEW OF US

IT TAKES TRUST

IT TAKES JUST

A BIT MORE

AND WE'RE DONE.

WE WANT FOUR

WE HAD NONE.

WE'VE GOT THREE.

WE NEED ONE.

IT TAKES TWO.

::Miroku grabs Chiyumi's waist and bending her backwards like in an old fashioned movie, kisses her.::

Narrators: Awww……how cuuuuuuuuuuuuuute.

Clear Shadow: ::Sniffle, sniffle::

MereMew: What's wrong?

Clear Shadow: It's…it's…::Bursts into hysterical sobbing:: IT'S SO ROMANTIC!!!!

MereMew: ::sweatdrop::

::We hear the chimes of midnight begin::

::Kenshin runs onstage chasing after a hen::

Jack: Stop that hen! ::Miroku lets go of Chiyumi, who falls down with a squeak, and grabs the hen:: Oh Providence! Wait…what does that mean? ::I dunno. Ask Clear Shadow, she knows more obscure words than anyone::

Yume Tenshi: Clear Shadow's a little out of it right now.

Clear Shadow: ::still sobbing::

Jack: Oh…well anyway. My Yahiko-White! ::Runs over to give Yahiko-White a kiss::

Yahiko-White: No! No way! Get back! ::Tries to run but is stopped by the pinch collar:: Owchie!

Jack: And the owners! And my ::Grabs hen possessively:: hen!

Baker: Hey look what it dropped in my hand!

Baker's Wife: ::Getting up:: Speaking of _dropped…_

::Second chime of midnight, the rest continue underneath the dialogue::

Baker: Huh? Oh, sorry.

Jack: See? I promised more than the five gold pieces sir, that I did. Now I'm taking back my cow, that I am!

Baker: I never said I would sell—

Jack: But you took the five gold pieces, that you did.

Baker's Wife: You took five gold pieces for that cow?!

Yahiko-White: The cow can hear you y'know.

Baker: I didn't take, you gave. 

Baker's Wife: Where are the five gold pieces?

Baker: Inuyasha…

::Kenshin goes for Yahiko-White but Miroku holds rope away from him, yanking on the collar::

Yahiko-White: Ow!!

Baker: I never said you could buy him back!

Baker's Wife: I can't believe you took money over a child!

Yahiko-White: ::Lets out a heart-rendering yelp and dies:: Ahh…oohh…owww…argg… ::A frying pan comes out of nowhere and knocks him out::

Clear Shadow: Thanks Ceres, I thought this would be another "Julius Kaizer" episode.

Jack: Yahiko-White is dead, that she is!

Baker, Baker's Wife: ::Exasperated:: Two.

::Just like in the first scene the characters weave in and out of trees saying the morals of this scene::

Witch: Two midnights gone!

Cinderella: Wanting a ball is not wanting a Prince...

Cinderella's Prince: Near may be better than far, but it still isn't there...

Rapunzel's Prince: ::overlapping:: Near may be better than far, but it still isn't there...

Cinderella: The Ball...

Cinderella's Prince: So near...

Rapunzel's Prince: So far...

Stepmother: You can never love somebody else's child--

Florinda, Lucinda: Two midnights gone!

Stepmother: --The way you love--

Cinderella's Prince: So near...

Stepmother: --Your own.

Cinderella: The Prince...

Cinderella's Prince: So far...

Granny: The greatest prize can often lie at the end of the thorniest path...

Cinderella's Prince, Rapunzel's Prince: Two midnights gone! Two midnights gone!

Stepmother, Florinda, Lucinda: ::overlapping:: Two midnights, two midnights gone!

Granny: ::overlapping:: Two midnights gone!

****

END OF SCENE THREE


	4. Act One, Scene Four

Into the Woods

************************************************************************

For your convenience and in case you forgot, here's the cast list. Don't worry I'm putting it at the binging of every scene.

Cast:

Narrators: Clear Shadow, Yume Tenshi, Sharpsnout and MereMew

Jack: Himura Kenshin

Baker: Miroku

Cinderella's Stepmother: Irvine

Lucinda: Moonbay

Little Red Ridinghood: Hibiki Miaka

Cinderella's Mother: Rudolf

Wolf: P-Chan

Rapunzel: Maxwell Duo

Cinderella's Prince: Raven

Milky White (Called Yahiko-White for the sake of humor): Yahiko

Cinderella: Lilli

Jack's Mother: Kamiya Karou

Baker's Wife: Chiyumi

Florinda: Fiona

Cinderella's Father: Dr. D

Witch: Maxwell Rina

Mysterious Man: Inuyasha

Granny: Mousse

Rapunzel's Prince: Hawk

Steward: Van 

************************************************************************

****

Scene Four

Yume Tenshi: Two midnights gone. And the exhausted Baker and his wife buried the dead Yahiko-White, believing that when the witch said a cow as white as milk, she was referring to a live one.

Baker: You must go to the village in search of another cow.

Baker's Wife: And what am I supposed to use for payment?

Baker: ::Hands her a bean:: Here. Tell them it's magic. Tell them it's a holy bean.

Baker's Wife: No one but an idiot is going to exchange a cow for this bean.

Baker: ::Losing it:: Then steal it.

Baker's Wife: ::Angry:: Steal it?! Just to days ago you were accusing me of deceit in securing the first gods-damned cow!

Baker: Then don't steal it and resign yourself to a childless life.

Baker's Wife: I think it would be better if you got the cow. I've met a girl with golden slippers and I think I can get one.

Baker: Fine. That is simply fine. ::Chiyumi gathers her things and leaves. Miroku watches her for a moment then leaves as well::

::Duo screams, offstage::

Rapunzel: I what?

::You scream. Look I haven't asked for a lot from you.::

Rapunzel: A'ight. ::Screams::

Sharpsnout: Unfortunately for Rapunzel—

Rapunzel: ::Offstage:: No!

MereMew: —The Witch discovered her affections for the Prince before he could spirit her away.

Rapunzel: My _what_?

Witch: His _what?_

MereMew: His affections for the Prince.

Rapunzel, Witch: Ohhh…. Wait.

MereMew: Just get on with it.

::Rina drags Duo onstage and throws him on the ground::

Witch: WHAT DID I CLEARLY SAY?

CHILDREN MUST LISTEN.

::grabs Duo's hair, takes out scissors::

Rapunzel: No, no, please! Not my hair!!

Witch: WHAT WERE YOU NOT TO DO?

CHILDREN MUST SEE--

Rapunzel: No!

Witch: AND LEARN.

::Duo screams in protest::

WHY COULD YOU NOT OBEY?

CHILDREN SHOULD LISTEN.

WHAT HAVE I BEEN TO YOU?

WHAT WOULD YOU HAVE ME BE?

HANDSOME LIKE A PRINCE?

::Duo whimpers::

AH, BUT I AM OLD.

I AM UGLY.

I EMBARRASS YOU.

Rapunzel: No!

Witch: YOU ARE ASHAMED OF ME.

Rapunzel: No!

Witch: YOU ARE ASHAMED.

YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND.

::music continues under::

Rapunzel: It was lonely atop that Gundam.

Witch: I was not company enough?

Rapunzel: I am no longer a child. I wish to see the world.

Witch: DON'T YOU KNOW WHAT'S OUT THERE IN THE WORLD?

SOMEONE HAS TO SHIELD YOU FROM THE WORLD.

STAY WITH ME.

PRINCES WAIT THERE IN THE WORLD IT'S TRUE.

PRINCES, YES, BUT WOLVES AND HUMANS TOO.

STAY AT HOME.

I AM HOME.

WHO OUT THERE COULD LOVE YOU MORE THAN I?

WHAT OUT THERE THAT I CANNOT SUPPLY?

STAY WITH ME.

STAY WITH ME.

THE WORLD IS DARK AND WILD.

STAY A CHILD WHILE YOU CAN BE A CHILD.

WITH ME.

Rapunzel: Awww, that was bootiful Rini.

Witch: Really?

Rapunzel: Oh yeah, real nice.

Witch: Thank you, that's sweet.

Rapunzel: ::Flaps hand at her::

Witch: I gave you protection and yet you disobeyed me.

Rapunzel: Nuh-uh!

Witch: Why didn't you tell me Hawk came by?

Rapunzel: I was _all alone_ up there. _You_ at least have Quatre.

Witch: I will not share you but I _will_ show you a world you've never seen. ::Chops off Duo's hair::

Rapunzel: MY HAIR!!! I JUST PAID YOU A COMPLEMENT!!! YOU BACKSTABBER!! AND I CALL YOU MY SISTER!!!!

Witch: Sorry. I'll put it back after the play, I promise. 

::Rina drags Duo offstage. Miroku enters with Inuyasha prowling behind him::

Mysterious Man: When is a white cow not a white cow?

Baker: Huh? How should I know? Leave me be!

Mysterious Man: Haven't I left you alone enough?

Baker: Your lines make no sense! Go away!

Mysterious Man: In need of another cow? 

::Inuyasha throws the sack of gold at Miroku's head. Miroku whips around but sees no one, then picks up the gold and runs off::

::Miaka walks onstage wearing a cute little kimono and has what appears to be a P-Chan skin purse. She walks by Kenshin and he stops her::

Jack: What a beautiful cape! Er…Kimono and purse…

::Miaka swerves around, brandishing a knife::

Little Red Ridinghood: Stay away from my purse or I'll slice you into a thousand bits!

Jack: ::stepping back:: I don't want it, that I don't! I was just admiring it, that I was!

Little Red Ridinghood: ::Tone goes from psychotic to adorable:: My granny made it for me from a wolf that attacked us. And I got to skin the animal--and best of all, she gave me this beautiful knife for protection. ::Bends the knife blade:: It's bendy.

Jack: ::competitive:: Well, look what I have. A hen that lays golden eggs, that it does.

Little Red Ridinghood: ::suspicious:: I don't believe that egg came from that hen. Where did you get that egg?

Jack: I stole this from the kingdom of the giants—up there. And if you think this is something, you should see the golden harp the giant has. It plays the most beautiful tunes without you even having to touch it, that it does.

Little Red Ridinghood: ::smirking:: Of course it does. Why don't you go up to the kingdom right now and bring it back and show me?

Jack: I could.

Little Red Ridinghood: You could not!

Jack: I could!

Little Red Ridinghood: You could not, Mr. Liar! ::Leaves::

Jack: I am not a liar, that I'm not. I'll get that harp. You'll see! ::Leaves::

Clear Shadow: After having cast out Rapunzel to a remote desert, the Witch returned to take the Prince by surprise. And as he leapt from the tower…er Gundam, the thorns into which he fell pierced his eyes and blinded him. ::Hawk stumbles into the forest, completely bloody and blind. He teeters around drunkenly a bit then leaves:: Poor Hawk…Anyway, as for Cinderella, she returned from her final visit to the Festival.

::Lilli hobbles onstage, she's severely bedraggled and only has one shoe on::

Clear Shadow: As the author of this little fic I feel it is my place to inform you that the following song is not the real words to "Very Smart Prince" This is a song that Yume Tenshi and I started and Yume finished. We call it "Very Smart Chair" here you are. Enjoy.

Cinderella: Can I go now?

Clear Shadow: Yes. Go ahead.

Cinderella: IT'S A VERY SMART CHAIR,

IT'S A CHAIR WHO PREPARES.

KNOWING THIS TIME I'D SIT ON IT,

IT SPREAD TACKS ON ITSELF.

I WAS CAUGHT UNAWARES.

AND I THOUGHT: WELL, IT CARES—

THIS IS MORE THAN JUST MALICE.

BETTER STOP AND TAKE STOCK

WHILE YOU'RE SITTING HERE STUCK

ON THE CHAIR OF THE PALACE.

YOU THINK, WHAT DO YOU WANT?

YOU THINK, MAKE A DECISION.

WHY NOT STAY AND BE CAUGHT?

YOU THINK, WELL, IT'S A THOUGHT,

WHAT WOULD BE ITS RESPONSE?

BUT THEN WHAT IF IT KNEW

WHO YOU WERE WHEN YOU KNOW

THAT YOU'RE NOT WHAT IT THINKS

THAT IT WANTS?

AND THEN WHAT IF YOU ARE

WHAT A CHAIR WOULD ENVISION?

ALTHOUGH HOW CAN YOU KNOW

WHO YOU ARE TILL YOU KNOW

WHAT YOU WANT, WHICH YOU DON'T?

SO THEN WHICH DO YOU PICK:

WHERE YOU'RE SAFE, OUT OF SIGHT,

AND YOURSELF, BUT WHERE EVERYTHING'S WRONG?

OR WHERE EVERYTHING'S RIGHT

AND YOU KNOW THAT YOU'LL NEVER BELONG?

AND WHICHEVER YOU PICK,

DO IT QUICK,

'CAUSE YOU'RE STARTING TO BLEED

ON THE CHAIR OF THE PALACE.

IT'S YOUR FIRST BIG DECISION,

THE CHOICE ISN'T EASY TO MAKE.

TO ARRIVE AT A BALL

IS EXCITING AND ALL—

ONCE YOU'RE THERE, THOUGH, IT'S SCARY.

AND IT'S FUN TO DECEIVE

WHEN YOU KNOW YOU CAN LEAVE,

BUT YOU HAVE TO BE WARY.

THERE'S A LOT THAT'S AT STAKE,

BUT YOU'VE STALLED LONG ENOUGH

'CAUSE YOU'RE STILL SITTING STUCK

ON THE TACKS ON THE CHAIR...

BETTER RUN ALONG HOME

AND AVOID THE COLLISION.

EVEN THOUGH THEY DON'T CARE,

YOU'LL BE BETTER OFF THERE

WHERE THERE'S NOTHING TO CHOOSE,

SO THERE'S NOTHING TO LOSE.

SO YOU PRY UP YOUR SHOES.

THEN FROM OUT OF THE BLUE,

AND WITHOUT ANY GUIDE,

YOU KNOW WHAT YOUR DECISION IS,

WHICH IS NOT TO DECIDE.

YOU'LL JUST LEAVE IT A CLUE:

FOR EXAMPLE, A SHOE.

AND THEN SEE WHAT IT'LL DO.

NOW IT'S THE CHAIR AND NOT YOU

WHO IS STUCK WITH A SHOE,

IN A STEW,

IN THE GOO, AND YOU'VE LEARNED SOMETHING, TOO,

SOMETHING YOU NEVER KNEW,

ON THE CHAIR OF THE PALACE.

::Chiyumi races onstage::

Come any closer and you're dead! ::Whips out blade boomerangs::

Baker's Wife: Whoa! Just hear me out!

Cinderella: We have nothing to discuss. You already attacked me once before—

Baker's Wife: I didn't attack _you_. I attacked your shoe. I need it. ::Digs around up her sleeve and pulls out, two Shukusens, a Shippo plushie, a hairbrush—:: I know it's here _somewhere_…::—some food, a Swiss Army knife, P-Chan and the last bean:: Found it!

P-Chan: Bwee…. ::runs offstage::

Baker's Wife: Here. Here's a magic bean in exchange for it. ::Gives bean to Lilli::

Cinderella: Magic bean?!?

Baker's Wife: Yes…it's a Holy bean.

Cinderella: Give me a break! ::Throws bean away::

Baker's Wife: Hey! ::Begins looking for it.

Cinderella: I already gave up one shoe this evening, no way in Hell I'm giving up another one. ::Begins to leave::

Baker's Wife: ::Gets back up:: I need that shoe to have a child!

Cinderella: That doesn't make sense!

Baker's Wife: Does it make sense that you're running from a prince?

Cinderella: Have you met Raven when he's had to chase after me?

Steward: Stop!

Baker's Wife: Good point, here take my shoes, you'll run faster. ::Give Lilli her shoes and takes the slipper. Lilli runs off. Van rushes onstage and looks around::

Steward: Was that Lilli?

Baker's Wife: I'm sure I don't know, sir.

Steward: Lying will cost you your life!

Baker's Wife: And are you going to take it?

Steward: Er…no…

Baker's Wife: Well ok then.

::Miroku enters with Ceres, dressed as a cow::

Baker: I got a cow!

Ceres: How'd I get stuck with this part again?

Ryoga: ::Does the evil grin that all Hibiki do _so _well ^_^:: You splashed water on me so you get to be the new cow.

Ceres: ::Grumbles evilly::

Baker's Wife: ::sees the cow and is excited:: The slipper! We've all four! ::Runs to Miroku, Van steals the slipper from her::

Steward: I'll give this to the Prince and we'll search the kingdom for Lilli. ::Nods to himself:: Yep, I'm a genius.

Baker's Wife: ::Grabs the slipper:: It's mine! ::Chiyumi and Van begin a massive tug of war:: Gimme! I don't care if this costs me my life!

Mysterious Man: ::From up a tree:: Give her the slipper and all will—

:: Suddenly there's a cracking sound followed by a big ass thud. Everyone on stage freezes. There's a moment of stunned silence. Raven rushes onstage::

Cinderella's Prince: What was that noise?

Steward: Just a bolt of lightning in a far-off kingdom.

Cinderella's Prince: ::to Van:: How dare you go off in search without me!

Steward: My apologies, sir. I thought that I might--

Cinderella's Prince: Enough of what you thought you idiot! I employed a scam and had the entire staircase smeared with pitch. And there, when she bolted, was her shoe!

Steward: Brilliant!

Cinderella's Prince: I thought so. It did create quite a mess when the other guests left. ::Looks happy about the mess he made::

Mysterious Man: Give them the slipper and all will come to a happy end.

Steward: Who are you dog-boy?

Mysterious Man: I'm a demon you little slave boy.

Steward: Shut up!

Cinderella's Prince: Do as it says. It can obviously kick your ass slave boy.

Steward: I'M NOT A SLAVE BOY!!! ::Lets go of the slipper::

::There's a loud scream and Karou runs on stage, still screaming::

Jack's Mother: ::hysterical:: There's a dead giant in my backyard!!!! I heard Jack coming down the beanstalk, calling for his axe. And when he reached the bottom he took it and began hacking down the stalk. Suddenly, with a crash, the beanstalk fell, but there was no Jack! For all I know he's been crushed by the giant! ::Cries::

Cinderella's Prince: Yeah well that was his own fault for getting in the way now wasn't it? Come on slave boy, I need my rest before I can go find Lilli tomorrow.

Jack's Mother: Doesn't anyone _care_ that a giant fell from the sky?

Narrators: NO!

::Rina appears::

Witch: The third midnight is near. I see a…Ceres?!?

Ceres: Shut up.

Witch: I see a cow. I see a slipper.

Baker: And the cape as red as blood.

Baker's Wife: And the hair as yellow as corn.

Witch: You've all the objects? ::Miroku crosses over to her, Rina's amazed::

Baker's Wife: Yes. ::Brings Ceres forward::

Witch: Wow, Ceres. Lose a bet?

Ceres: Shut up Rina.

Witch: ::Still chuckling:: That cow looks more lavender than white.

Ceres: Shut up Rina.

Baker's Wife: Oh she is! ::Pats Ceres on the head:: She is! ::White powder flies off of Ceres's head as Chiyumi pats her. Ceres sneezes::

Witch: You covered it with flour!

Baker: Well we _had_ a cow as white as milk. Honestly.

Witch: Well then, where the hell is it?

Baker's Wife: We had to kill it for the good of the play.

Baker: We thought you'd prefer a live cow.

Witch: Of course I'd prefer a live cow you idiot! So bring me the _dead_ cow and I'll bring it back to life!

Baker: You can do that?

Witch: Now! ::She waves her arm and a rabid woodchuck hits Miroku. Miroku and Chiyumi dash upstage and we can see the dirt fly as they dig up the cow::

Ceres: ::Stands up:: Um, I've been turned into a cow, can I go home now?

::Yes, you may go. Anyone else?::

All: No.

::Kenshin runs onstage with a golden harp::

Jack's Mother: There you are! ::Hits him:: I've been so worried!

Jack: Miss Karou look! The most beautiful harp! ::Hands over harp::

Jack's Mother: ::Pleased:: Shame on you! You've stolen too much!

Baker: ::Offstage:: Ever consider a diet Yahiko-White?

Yahiko-White: Shut up!

::Agitated, Rina walks over to the grave.::

Jack: What's happening?

Jack's Mother: Yahiko-White is dead but don't worry, that nice girl is bringing her back to life. ::Rina waves her hand and Yahiko-White stands up, very much alive. Chiyumi and Miroku bring him forward:: 

Jack: Yahiko-White! Now I have my friend back! And I'm rich, that I am!

Witch: Quiet you. Feed the objects to the cow.

Baker, Baker's Wife, Jack, Yahiko-White: What?

Witch: You heard me. Feed them to the damn cow.

Yahiko-White: Er…

Witch: You gonna argue?

Yahiko-White: No.

::Miroku begins to feed the objects to Yahiko-White as we hear the first chime of midnight::

Yahiko-White: Wow, better than Karou's cooking.

Jack's Mother: WHY YOU—

Witch: ::Pulls out a silver goblet from her cloak and hands it to Miroku:: Fill this.

Jack: I'll do it, ::Goes over to Yahiko-White:: She'll only milk for me. Squeeze pal.

Yahiko-White: Oh no, get away from me!!!

Clear Shadow: YAHIKO! 

Yahiko-White: ::Winces::

::Kenshin milks feverishly…nothing. Rina goes over and grabs the goblet, looks inside then turned it upside down::

Witch: Wrong ingredients. Forget about a child.

Baker's Wife: Wait! We followed your instructions. One, the cow is as white as milk, correct?

Witch: Yes.

Baker's Wife: And two, the cape was certainly as red as blood.

Witch: Yes.

Baker's Wife: And three, the slipper--

Witch: Yes.

Baker: And four, I compared the hair with this ear of corn.

Baker's Wife: I pulled it from a maiden in a tower and—

Witch: YOU WHAT?! What were you doing there?

Baker's Wife: Well, I happened to be passing by—

Witch: I touched that hair! Don't you understand? I cannot have touched any of the ingredients!

Baker, Baker's Wife: ::moaning:: Nooooo...::Inuyasha hops out of his tree::

Mysterious Man: The corn!

Baker: What?

Mysterious Man: The silky corn hair moron. Pull it from the corn and feed it to the cow. Quickly! ::Miroku does so hurriedly::

Witch: This had better work Dog-boy, before the last stroke of midnight or your son will be the last of your flesh and blood.

Baker: Son?

Mysterious Man: Not now.

Baker's Wife: Hold up. Re-wind that please. If Inuyasha-kun is Miroku-san's father, and I'm his _sister_ then doesn't that make me Miroku's Aunt?

Clear Shadow: It's just a play!

MereMew: Yeah don't be dense.

Clear Shadow: HEY!! NO ONE CALLS MY CHARACTERS DENSE BUT ME!!!!

MereMew: Sorry.

Witch: Anyway, meet your father. ::Moves to Yahiko-White::

Baker: _Father_?? I thought you died in a baking accident.

Mysterious Man: Yeah well ,what exactly _is_ a baking accident?

Clear Shadow: See!! See my point?!

Yahiko-White: MOO!!!!

Baker's Wife: It's working!

Jack: She's milking that she is!

Yahiko-White: This is so embarrassing…

Baker: I don't understand.

Mysterious Man: No now idiot! Into the cup!

Baker's Wife: ::Hold cup under Yahiko-white's udder::

Yahiko-White: It's not an udder!! I don't have an udder!!

::Kenshin continues to milk, when the goblet is full Rina takes it and drinks::

Baker: We've given you what you wish.

Baker's Wife: Now when can we expect a child?

::She turns away from them all and begins to tremble. Smoke surrounds her::

Baker: What's wrong? What's happening?

Baker's Wife: Wait. Where are you going?

::We hear the last stroke of midnight.::

Mysterious Man: ::Falls to ground as if by subduing:: Son! Son!

Baker: ::Goes to Inuyasha's side:: Father! Father!

Baker's Wife: Inuyasha-kun!!

Mysterious Man: All is fixed. ::Dies::

Baker: He's dead!!!!! ::Cries::

::Rina turns around. She's back to her beautiful self and has a chocker with a heart shaped pendant on it::

****

END OF SCENE FOUR

Ryoga: Yay!

Yume Tenshi: Meow?


	5. Act One, Scene Five

Into the Woods

************************************************************************

For your convenience and in case you forgot, here's the cast list. Don't worry I'm putting it at the binging of every scene.

Cast:

Narrators: Clear Shadow, Yume Tenshi, Sharpsnout and MereMew

Jack: Himura Kenshin

Baker: Miroku

Cinderella's Stepmother: Irvine

Lucinda: Moonbay

Little Red Ridinghood: Hibiki Miaka

Cinderella's Mother: Rudolf

Wolf: P-Chan

Rapunzel: Maxwell Duo

Cinderella's Prince: Raven

Milky White (Called Yahiko-White for the sake of humor): Yahiko

Cinderella: Lilli

Jack's Mother: Kamiya Karou

Baker's Wife: Chiyumi

Florinda: Fiona

Cinderella's Father: Dr. D

Witch: Maxwell Rina

Mysterious Man: Inuyasha

Granny: Mousse

Rapunzel's Prince: Hawk

Steward: Van 

************************************************************************

****

Scene Five

Yume Tenshi: And so the Mysterious Man died, having helped end the curse on his house. For the Baker, there would be no reunion with his father, and he and his wife, bewildered, returned home.

Baker: Let's go bear children.

Baker's Wife: Is that _all_ you think about? ::They leave::

Sharpsnout: The Witch, who had been punished with age and ugliness—

Witch: Hey!

Sharpsnout: It's what the line is! Don't take it personally! 

Witch: ::Grumble, grumble::

Sharpsnout: —that night when her beans were stolen and the lightning flashed was now returned to her former state of youth and beauty.

::Rina flashes twin peace signs and a happy smile at everyone then leaves::

MereMew: And Yahiko-White, after a night of _severe_ indigestion…and embarrassment, was reunited with the now wealthy Jack. ::Kenshin, Karou, Yahiko-White and the harp all leave:: As for the Prince… ::Fanfare::….

Yume Tenshi: ….He began his search for the foot to fit the golden slipper. ::Raven and Van enter on Zoids:: When he came to Cinderella's house, Cinderella's stepmother took the slipper into Florinda's room.

::Fiona tries on the shoe, Irvine is helping, Moonbay watches::

Florinda: CAREFUL, MY TOE—!

Stepmother: DARLING, I KNOW—

Florinda: WHAT'LL WE DO?

Stepmother: IT'LL HAVE TO GO— ::Fiona looks shocked when Irvine pulls out a knife::

BUT WHEN YOU'RE HIS BRIDE

YOU CAN SIT OR RIDE.

YOU'LL NEVER NEED TO WALK! ::Nods encouragingly and Fiona holds out her foot. Irvine chops off her toe. Fiona bites back a squeal as fake blood squirts everywhere::

Sharpsnout: The girl obeyed, swallowing the pain, and joined the Prince to become his bride.

:: Raven and Fiona, on a Zoid arrive at Rudolf's tree::

Cinderella's Mother: LOOK AT THE BLOOD WITHIN THE SHOE:

THIS ONE IS NOT THE BRIDE THAT'S TRUE.

SEARCH FOR THE FOOT THAT FITS

::Raven Looks at Fiona's foot and sees the blood. They return to Cinderella's house::

MereMew: The Prince returned the false bride and asked the other sister to put on the shoe. 

::Irvine tires to force the shoe on Moonbay's foot::

Lucinda: WHY WON'T IT FIT?

Stepmother: ::holding the knife with a slightly maniacal grin plastered across his face::

DARLING BE STILL

CUT OFF A BIT

OF THE HEEL AND IT WILL

AND WHEN YOU'RE HIS WIFE

YOU'LL HAVE SUCH A LIFE

YOU'LL NEVER NEED TO WALK!

::Looks at Moonbay who nods and holds out her foot with a grimace. Irvine cuts off her heel and Moonbay bites back a scream::

Clear Shadow: The girl obeyed and swallowed her pain. But once again the Prince noticed blood trickling from her shoe. ::Raven takes the shoe and pours blood from it:: 

Cinderella's Prince: Have you no other daughters?

Yume Tenshi: To which the woman replied:

Stepmother: No, only a little stunted kitchen wench which his late wife left behind, but she is much too dirty; she cannot show herself.

Cinderella's Prince: I insist.

Sharpsnout: And when Cinderella presented herself and tried on the blood-soaked slipper, it fit like a glove.

Cinderella's Prince: I found you!

MereMew: Much to the dismay of the stepmother and her daughters, he took Cinderella on his horse…er…Zoid and rode off.

::Raven and Lilli ride up to the grave::

Cinderella's Mother: NO BLOOD AT ALL WITHIN THE SHOE;

THIS IS THE PROPER BRIDE FOR YOU,

FIT TO ATTEND A PRINCE.

::during the following Duo wanders in, singing softly, and carrying twin babies. At the same time Hawk wanders in blindly

Clear Shadow: As for Rapunzel, she bore twins, and lived impoverished in the desert until the day her Prince, wandering aimlessly, heard a voice so familiar that he went towards it. And when he approached Rapunzel, overjoyed at seeing him, fell into his arms, weeping.

Rapunzel: One, if I fell into Hawk's arms I'd take him out. Two, I'm not weeping for anything!

Clear Shadow: ::Gritted teeth:: Fell into his arms weeping. Two of her tears wetted his eyes and their touch restored vision.

Rapunzel's Prince: ::sees Duo:: GYAAA!! Take back my vision! That's a freakin' nightmare!

Witch: ::appears from nowhere:: I was going to come fetch you as soon as you learned your less— WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU CARRYING TWINS FOR?!?!? 

Rapunzel: I kinda gave birth to them…

Witch: YOU WHAT?!?!? How???

::Oh you know medical advances…::

Witch: That's not funny!!!

::Oh just get on with it.::

Rapunzel: ::Shrugs:: Who are you?

Witch: Surely you remember.

Rapunzel: Mother?

Witch: This is who I truly am. Come with me child. We can be happy as we once were. ::Offers Duo her hand::

Rapunzel's Prince: ::Shoves Duo forward:: Here take it!

Witch: Wait, that's not right…

Rapunzel: Take me home!!

Witch: That's _really_ not right!

Rapunzel's Prince: Well? Do you want to take her with you or not??

Witch: ::Panicked:: That's not in the script!! I'm so confused! ::Tries to do a spell and is hurt by the collar:: Hey! Where'd the collar come from?! (AN: For more about the collar, read "Soul of Magic" since I'm not explaining it here) 

Rapunzel: Wow, that sucks.

Witch: Take it off of me!

Rapunzel: No way! ::Runs::

Witch: ::Gives chase::

Rapunzel's Prince: Well I think we screwed that scene really well. You'd better just continue.

Yume Tenshi: Uhhh ok….As is often the way in these tales, in exchange for youth and beauty, the Witch lost her power over others.

Sharpsnout: When the wedding with the Prince was celebrated, Florinda and Lucinda attended, wishing to win favor with Cinderella and share in her good fortune…huh?

Clear Shadow: That means they went to mooch off of her.

Sharpsnout: Ohhh…..

::Lilli, in her wedding gown, and Raven enter with Moonbay and Fiona at their sides::

MereMew: But as the sisters stood by the blessed couple, pigeons swooped down upon them and poked out their eyes and punished them with blindness.

::Fiona and Moonbay are blinded by pigeons descending and stagger offstage, screaming::

MereMew: Damn that sucks.

::Fanfare::

::Chiyumi walks in, very pregnant::

Baker's Wife: I see Raven finally found you.

Cinderella: Yeah and he threatened to handcuff me to his Organiod if I run off again.

Cinderella's Prince: And don't think I won't either!

Baker's Wife: Um yeah. Thank you for the slipper. ::Pats her belly::

Clear Shadow: It tasted like chicken!!

Other Narrators: ::Sweatdrop, groan::

::Miroku enters::

Cinderella: I DIDN'T THINK I'D WED A PRINCE.

Cinderella's Prince: I DIDN'T THINK I'D EVER FIND YOU.

Clear Shadow: He does sing!!

Cinderella, Cinderella's Prince, Baker, Baker's Wife: I DIDN'T THINK I COULD BE SO HAPPY!...

::All come onstage::

Clear Shadow: And it came to pass, all that seemed wrong was now right, the kingdoms were filled with joy, and those who deserved to were certain to live a long and happy life.

Ever after...

All Except Narrator: EVER AFTER!

Sharpsnout: JOURNEY OVER, ALL IS MENDED,

AND IT'S NOT JUST FOR TODAY,

BUT TOMORROW, AND EXTENDED,

EVER AFTER!

All Except Narrator: EVER AFTER!

Yume Tenshi: ALL THE CURSES HAVE BEEN ENDED,

THE REVERSES WIPED AWAY.

ALL IS TENDERNESS AND LAUGHTER

FOR FOREVER AFTER!

All Except Narrator: HAPPY NOW AND HAPPY HENCE

AND HAPPY EVER AFTER!

MereMew: THERE WERE DANGERS—

All Except Narrator: WE WERE FRIGHTENED—

Clear Shadow: AND CONFUSIONS—

All Except Narrator: BUT WE HID IT—

Yume Tenshi: AND THE PATHS WOULD OFTEN SWERVE.

All Except Narrator: WE DID NOT.

Sharpsnout: THERE WERE CONSTANT—

All Except Narrator: IT'S AMAZING—

MereMew: DISILLUSIONS—

All Except Narrator: THAT WE DID IT.

Clear Shadow: BUT THEY NEVER LOST THEIR NERVE.

All Except Narrator: NOT A LOT.

Narrators and Men: AND THEY/WE REACHED THE RIGHT CONCLUSIONS

Narrators and Women: AND THEY/WE GOT WHAT THEY/WE DESERVED!

All: NOT A SIGH AND NOT A SORROW,

TENDERNESS AND LAUGHTER.

JOY TODAY AND BLISS TOMORROW,

AND FOREVER AFTER!

::Fiona and Moonbay enter, blind and limping, and make their way to the front of the stage::

Florinda: I WAS GREEDY.

Lucinda: I WAS VAIN.

Florinda: I WAS HAUGHTY.

Lucinda: I WAS SMUG.

Florinda and Lucinda: WE WERE HAPPY.

Lucinda: IT WAS FUN.

Florinda: BUT WE WERE BLIND.

Florinda and Lucinda: THEN WE WENT INTO THE WOODS

TO GET OUR WISH,

AND NOW WE'RE REALLY BLIND.

::Rina enters::

Witch: I WAS PERFECT.

I HAD EVERYTHING BUT BEAUTY.

I HAD POWER,

AND A DAUGHTER LIKE A FLOWER,

IN A TOWER.

THEN I WENT INTO THE WOODS

TO GET MY WISH,

AND NOW I'M ORDINARY.

LOST MY POWER AND MY FLOWER.

Florinda and Lucinda: ::overlapping:: WE'RE UNWORTHY.

Witch, Florinda, and Lucinda: WE'RE/I'M UNHAPPY NOW, UNHAPPY HENCE,

AS WELL AS EVER AFTER.

HAD WE USED OUR COMMON SENSE,

BEEN WORTHY OF OUR DISCONTENTS—

All: TO BE HAPPY, AND FOREVER,

YOU MUST SEE YOUR WISH COME TRUE.

DON'T BE CAREFUL, DON'T BE CLEVER,

WHEN YOU SEE YOUR WISH, PURSUE.

IT'S A DANGEROUS ENDEAVOR,

BUT THE ONLY THING TO DO--

::in three groups::

THOUGH IT'S FEARFUL,

THOUGH IT'S DEEP, THOUGH IT'S DARK,

AND THOUGH YOU MAY LOSE THE PATH,

THOUGH YOU MAY ENCOUNTER WOLVES,

YOU MUSTN'T STOP,

YOU MUSTN'T SWERVE,

YOU MUSTN'T PONDER,

YOU HAVE TO ACT!

WHEN YOU KNOW YOUR WISH,

IF YOU WANT YOUR WISH,

YOU CAN HAVE YOUR WISH,

BUT YOU CAN'T JUST WISH--

NO, TO GET YOUR WISH

::in unison::

YOU GO INTO THE WOODS,

WHERE NOTHING'S CLEAR,

WHERE WITCHES, GHOSTS,

AND WOLVES APPEAR.

INTO THE WOODS

AND THROUGH THE FEAR,

YOU HAVE TO TAKE THE JOURNEY.

INTO THE WOODS

AND DOWN THE DELL,

IN VAIN PERHAPS,

BUT WHO CAN TELL?

INTO THE WOODS TO LIFT THE SPELL,

INTO THE WOODS TO LOSE THE LONGING.

INTO THE WOODS TO HAVE THE CHILD,

TO WED THE PRINCE,

TO GET THE MONEY,

TO KILL THE WOLF,

TO FIND THE FATHER,

TO CONQUER THE KINGDOM,

TO HAVE, TO WED,

TO GET, TO SAVE,

TO KILL, TO KEEP,

TO GO TO THE FESTIVAL!

INTO THE WOODS,

INTO THE WOODS,

INTO THE WOODS,

THEN OUT OF THE WOODS—

All Narrators: To be continued...

::a giant beanstalk emerges from the ground and stretches to the heavens; the characters are oblivious to its presence::

All:—AND HAPPY EVER AFTER!

::Everyone heads off to their respective homes::

****

END OF SCENE FIVE & ACT ONE


	6. Act Two, Scene One

Into the Woods

************************************************************************

 Ok since it's a new act and there are new characters I'll put up a new disclaimer. Ahem. I own Chiyumi, Lilli, Rina, Amari, Nadeshiko, Sakura, and Akemi. Sharpsnout Owns Hawk, Ty and Ashi. Yume Tenshi owns Miaka and Matiko. None of us own Rorouni Kenshin, Gundam Wing, Zoids, Inuyasha, Ranma ½ or the musical "Into the Woods".

Also since we have some new faces in this Act I have added to the cast list and put it into some sort of order.

**Cast List:**

Narrators: Clear Shadow, Yume Tenshi, Sharpsnout and MereMew

**Cinderella's Cast:**

Cinderella's Stepmother: Irvine 

Lucinda: Moonbay

Cinderella's Mother: Rudolf 

Cinderella's Prince: Raven

Cinderella: Lilli

Florinda: Fiona

Cinderella's Father: Dr. D

Steward: Van

**Baker's Cast:**

Baker: Miroku 

Baker's Wife: Chiyumi 

Mysterious Man: Inuyasha

**Little Red Ridinghood's Cast:**

Little Red Ridinghood: Hibiki Miaka

Wolf: P-Chan

Granny: Mousse

**Jack and the Beanstalk's Cast:**

Jack: Himura Kenshin

Milky White (Called Yahiko-White for the sake of humor): Yahiko

Jack's Mother: Kamiya Karou

**Rapunzel's Cast:**

Rapunzel: Maxwell Duo 

Witch: Maxwell Rina 

Rapunzel's Prince: Hawk

**New Faces:**

Cinderella's Prince: Ashi

Rapunzel's Prince: Ty

Little Red Runningshorts: Hibiki Matiko

Giant: Sagara Sanosuke

Giant: Mizukagami Akemi

Baker and Baker's Wife's Baby: Ugami Amari

Rapunzel's Twins: Ugami Sakura and Ugami Nadeshiko

************************************************************************

**ACT TWO**

Scene One 

::On the stage are three sections. On the left is a castle where Lilli now lives. She's sitting on the throne. In the middle is Kenshin and Karou's house. It now looks very posh. Kenshin is with Yahiko-White and Karou is holding the Golden harp. On the right is Chiyumi and Miroku's house. It's s huge mess—::

Baker's Wife: Hey.

::Well, it is.::

Baker's Wife: You could put it more nicely.

::Alright, alright, alright. It's cluttered with baking stuff and baby stuff. Chiyumi holds a baby that won't shut up. All on stage are frozen Clear Shadow, Yume Tenshi, Sharpsnout and MereMew step forward::

Clear Shadow: Once upon a time— ::Music begins:: —Later—    
::Spotlight on Lilli::   
Cinderella: I WISH... 

Yume Tenshi: —in the same far-off kingdom—   
Cinderella: MORE THAN ANYTHING...   
Sharpsnout:—lived a young Princess--   
Cinderella: MORE THAN LIFE...   
MereMew: —the lad Jack—

::light on Kenshin::   
Cinderella: MORE THAN FOOTMEN...   
Jack: I WISH, that I do ...   
Clear Shadow: —and the Baker and his family—  
::light on Miroku and Chiyumi with the baby::   
Baby: WAAH!   
Jack: NO, I MISS, that I certainly do...   
Cinderella, Baker: I WISH...   
Baby: WAAH!   
Jack: MORE THAN ANYTHING...   
Cinderella, Baker, Jack: MORE THAN THE MOON...   
Baker's Wife: ::to the baby:: There, there...   
Cinderella: I WISH TO SPONSOR A FESTIVAL.   
Baby: WAAH!   
Baker: MORE THAN LIFE...   
Jack: I MISS, that I do...   
Cinderella: THE TIME HAS COME FOR A FESTIVAL...   
Baby: WAAH!   
Baker's Wife: Shh...   
Baker: ::overlapping:: MORE THAN RICHES...   
Cinderella: AND A BALL...   
Jack: I MISS MY KINGDOM UP IN THE SKY, that I do.   
Cinderella, Baker: MORE THAN ANYTHING...   
Baker's Wife: I WISH WE HAD MORE ROOM...   
Jack: ::to harp:: PLAY, HARP...   
Baker: ANOTHER ROOM...   
::Kenshin pokes the harp and it sings. Irvine, attended by the blinded Fiona and Moonbay, enters the castle::

Yume Tenshi: But despite some minor inconveniences, they were all quite content...   
::Raven enters the castle::   
Cinderella: I NEVER THOUGHT I'D WED A PRINCE...   
Cinderella's Prince: I NEVER THOUGHT I'D FIND PERFECTION... 

Clear Shadow: It can sing!  
Cinderella, Cinderella's Prince: I NEVER THOUGHT I COULD BE SO HAPPY!   
Cinderella: NOT AN UNHAPPY MOMENT SINCE...   
Jack, Jack's Mother: I DIDN'T THINK WE'D BE THIS RICH...   
Cinderella's Prince: NOT A CONCEIVABLE OBJECTION...   
Baker, Baker's Wife: I NEVER THOUGHT WE'D HAVE A BABY...   
Cinderella, Cinderella's Prince, Jack, Jack's Mother: I NEVER THOUGHT I COULD BE SO HAPPY!   
Baker, Baker's Wife: ::overlapping:: I'M SO HAPPY!   
Stepmother: HAPPY NOW, 

        HAPPY HENCE, HAPPY EVER AFTER—

Stepmother, Stepsisters: ::to Lilli:: WE'RE SO HAPPY YOU'RE SO HAPPY, 

    JUST AS LONG AS YOU STAY HAPPY,   
               WE'LL STAY HAPPY... 

Cinderella, Cinderella's Prince: NOT ONE ROW...   
Jack's Mother: POTS OF PENCE...   
Jack: WITH MY COW...

Yahiko-White: For the _last time_!!! I am not a cow!!!!   
Baker, Baker's Wife: LITTLE GURGLES...   
Cinderella's Prince: ::to Lilli:: DARLING, I MUST GO NOW...   
::exits:: 

Cinderella: ::Giggles:: "Darling"?  
Jack's Mother: ::to Kenshin:: WE SHOULD REALLY SELL IT.    
Baker: ::to Chiyumi:: WHERE'S THE CHEESECLOTH? 

Jack's Mother: No really, all Yahiko-White does is eat and sleep.

Yahiko-White: Yeah well at least I don't have a tonooki face!!!

Jack's Mother: WHAT DID YOU SAY?!?!?!?

All others: WISHES MAY BRING PROBLEMS, 

      SUCH THAT YOU REGRET THEM. 

All: BETTER THAT, THOUGH, 

       THAN TO NEVER GET THEM...   
Cinderella: I'M GOING TO BE A PERFECT WIFE!   
Jack: ::overlapping:: I'M GOING TO BE A PERFECT SON!   
Baker's Wife, Jack's Mother: I'M GOING TO BE A PERFECT MOTHER!   
Baker: I'M GOING TO BE A PERFECT FATHER! 

           I'M SO HAPPY!   
Cinderella, Jack, Jack's Mother, Baker's Wife: ::overlapping:: I'M GOING TO SEE

   THAT HE ::SHE:: 

   IS SO HAPPY! 

All: I NEVER THOUGHT I'D LOVE MY LIFE! 

       I WOULD HAVE SETTLED FOR ANOTHER!   
Cinderella: THEN TO BECOME A WIFE...   
Jack, Jack's Mother: THEN TO BE SET FOR LIFE...   
Baker, Baker's Wife: THEN TO BEGET A CHILD...   
All: THAT FORTUNE SMILED... 

       I'M SO HAPPY!   
Baker's Wife: ::hands the baby to Miroku, who is very awkward in holding the child:: If only this cottage were a little larger.  With a backyard or something.  
Baker: I will expand our quarters in due time.   
Baker's Wife: Why DIY when we can move? It'd be easier and you wouldn't screw up anything. ::Baby cries::   
Baker: We will not move. This was my father's house, and now it will be my son's.   
Baker's Wife: Long family heritage, blah, blah, blah. You would raise your child alongside a Witch?   
Baker: ::edgy:: Why does he always cry when I hold him?   
Baker's Wife: Babies cry. He's fine. He's not made of china you know.

Baker: I might upset the prayer beads. Besides, he wants his mother. Here. 

::Baker carefully passes Baby back to Chiyumi. Baby stops crying::   
Baker's Wife: I can't take care of him all the time!   
Baker: I'll take care of him when he's older. 

Baker's Wife: Give me a break!  
Baker, Baker's Wife, Jack, Jack's Mother: WE HAD TO GO THROUGH THICK AND THIN.   
Stepmother, Florinda, Lucinda: WE HAD TO LOSE A LOT TO WIN.   
Cinderella: I VENTURED OUT AND SAW WITHIN.   
All: I NEVER THOUGHT 

       I'D BE SO MUCH I HADN'T BEEN!   
       I'M SO HAPPY...   
::The song is suddenly interrupted by a loud rumbling noise followed by a big ass crash. Hey that rhymed. Anyway.  Miroku's house caves in. He is caught underneath the rubble as Chiyumi runs forward with their Baby  
::Everyone freezes. Kenshin, Yahiko-White and Karou look concerned. Lilli sends Irvine out to investigate. I'm not really sure if there's an accident onstage:: 

Clear Shadow: You mean you don't know? But you're the stage directions. You know everything.

::Sorry::  
Baker's Wife: Oh, my goodness.   
Baker: ::stunned:: Are you all right?   
Baker's Wife: I think so.   
Baker: And the baby?   
Baker's Wife: Yes, he's fine. Are you all right?   
::Miroku nods. Rina enters, looking highly disgruntled::   
Baker: ::to Rina:: You! Have you done this to our house?   
Witch: Always thinking of yourself? Look at my garden.   
Baker's Wife: What of your garden? 

Witch: ::Smacks forehead:: Look!  
::Miroku and Chiyumi look at the garden which is squashed flat::   
Baker: Destroyed.   
Baker's Wife: Damn that sucks…what happened?   
Witch: I was thrown to the ground. I saw nothing.   
Baker's Wife: What could do such a thing?   
Baker: An earthquake.   
Witch: No earthquake! My garden has been trampled. Those are footprints!   
Baker's Wife: Who could do such a thing?   
Witch: Anything that leaves a footprint that big is no "who."   
::the following spoken in rhythm::   
Baker: Do you think it was a bear?   
Witch: A bear? Bears are sweet. Besides, you ever see a bear with forty-foot feet?   
Baker's Wife: A dragon?   
Witch: ::shaking her head:: No scorch marks-- Usually they're linked.   
Baker: Manticore?   
Witch: Imaginary.   
Baker, Baker's Wife: Griffin?   
Witch: ::Exasperated:: _Extinct_.   
Baker: Giant?   
Witch: Don't be… wait…Possible. Very, very possible...   
::music fades under::   
Baker: A Giant...   
Baker's Wife: Maybe we should tell someone.   
Witch: Who are you going to tell?   
Baker: The royal family, of course.   
Witch: ::lets out a loud snicker:: The royal family!?!? I wouldn't count on that family to snuff out a rat! With a Giant, we'll all have to go to battle! ::change of tone:: A Giant's the worst! A Giant has a brain. Hard to outwit a Giant. A Giant's just like us—only bigger! Much, _much_ bigger! So big that we are just an expendable bug beneath its foot. ::suddenly steps on a bug:: BOOM...CRUNCH! ::we hear it crunch as she grinds it into the floor and then eats it::

Witch: What?!? No way am I eating a bug. Not for you, not or anyone!!! ::Rina exits::   
Baker's Wife: We are moving! And don't argue!!!

Baker: ::Holds up hands in surrender::  
Sharpsnout: And so, the Baker proceeded to the castle, but not before visiting Jack and his mother. Why the detour anyway?

Baker: Because they know a lot more about giants than I do.

Sharpsnout: Oh, alright then.   
::knock on Kenshin's door; Miroku enters::   
Jack: Look, Yahiko-White. It's the butcher, that it is.   
Baker: The baker.   
Jack: The baker... 

Yahiko-White: Yeah whatever.  
Jack's Mother: What can we do for you, sir?

Baker: You can bear my child.

Clear Shadow: Miroku!!

Baker: Oh don't worry you and Yume are on the top of the waiting list.

Clear Shadow: Oh. That's alright then. Go ahead.   
Baker: I'm here to investigate the destruction that was wrought upon our house today.   
Jack's Mother: ::defensive:: Jack has been home with me all day. 

Jack: Oro?  
MereMew: The Baker told Jack and his mother that he feared there was a Giant in the land.   
Jack: I can recognize a Giant's footstep, that I can! I could go to your house—  
Jack's Mother: You'll do no such thing!   
Baker: Any help at all—  
Jack's Mother: I am sorry, but you'll get none from us. ::opens the door for the Miroku::   
No one cared when there was a Giant in my backyard! I don't remember you volunteering to come to my aid.   
Baker: A Giant in your backyard is one thing. A crushed home is quite another.   
Jack's Mother: ::change of tone:: Look, young man. Giants never strike the same house twice. I wouldn't worry.   
Baker: I am taking this news to the castle, nonetheless. ::exits::   
Clear Shadow: When the Baker reached the castle, it was the Princess who greeted his news. The story unfolds.   
::fanfare; Van enters::   
Steward: S'cuse me Lil, this monk wants to see you.

::Miroku enters. ::

Baker: ::kneels, kisses Lilli's hem::  Will you bear my child?

Cinderella: No.

Baker: Oh. Well then. Princess, I've come to report the appearance of a Giant in the land.   
Cinderella: Where did you see a Giant?   
Baker: Well, I didn't exactly see it.   
Steward: Then how do you know there _is_ one?   
Baker: Our house was destroyed and there are footprints—  
Steward: That could have been caused by any number of things. Raven is out and about. I bet it was his Zoid.

Cinderella: Yeah probably. Don't worry about it.

Baker: Wait. A Giant visited a nearby household not long ago...descending from a beanstalk—  
Cinderella: Yes, I remember.   
Steward: That Giant was killed, pal. Now c'mon—  
Baker: ::apologetic:: Wait, please. We have a young child. Princess, our child was very difficult to come by. His safety is of great importance to me. 

Cinderella: So you did find someone to bear your child?

Baker: Yes.  
Steward: Are we done now?   
Baker: Yes.   
Cinderella: I will take this news up with Raven when he gets back. I doubt it's anything serious though. Probably Irvine or Dr. D out for a joyride. They do that you know.

::Miroku and Van exit. Lilli, Van, Miroku, and Chiyumi freeze::   
Jack's Mother: ::with her coat on:: I'm going off to market, Jack.   
Jack: Goodbye, Miss Karou.   
Jack's Mother: Now, I want you stay inside.   
Jack: But I haven't been outside all day, that I haven't!   
Jack's Mother: Jack. Listen to me! I don't want you out when there might be a Giant on the loose.   
Jack: But I know how to kill a Giant, that I do!   
Jack's Mother: Please! We've had our fill of Giants!   
Jack: But Miss Karou, if I could help—  
Jack's Mother: Enough! Promise me, son, you won't leave your surroundings!   
Jack: But Miss Karou, I'm a man now. 

MereMew: And a hot one at that!

Clear Shadow: Was that necessary?

MereMew: Is bearing Miroku's child?

Clear Shadow: Yes.

MereMew: Then so is this.

Clear Shadow: No it isn't!

MereMew: Yes it is!

Clear Shadow: Oh shut up!

MereMew: You!

Clear Shadow: You!

Everyone else: CAN WE CONTINUE OR NOT!?!?

Clear Shadow, MereMew: Sorry….  
Jack's Mother: You're still a little boy in your mother's eyes. I want you to promise. ::pause:: Promise!   
Jack: ::reluctantly:: I promise.   
::Karou gives Kenshin a peck on the cheek, then smacks Yahiko-White upside the head, and exits. Kenshin, Karou and Yahiko-White all freeze:: 

::Miaka knocks on Miroku and Chiyumi door and enters, suitcase in hand followed by Matiko; Miroku and Chiyumi are sitting, looking over insurance papers for the house::

Baker's Wife: Yep, here it is. We _are_ covered for giant damage.

Baker: ::Whistles:: Giants, tornados, bad cooking, baking accidents,  dueling martial artists, floods, robberies, polynomial division………  
Little Red Ridinghood: What happened to your house?   
Baker's Wife: We've had a baking accident.   
Baker: Baking accident? 

Little Red Runningshorts: What's a baking accident?

Clear Shadow: ::Opens her mouth to go into the whole baking accident thing again and is pounced on by the other narrators::

Yume Tenshi: Don't you even!!  
Baker's Wife: ::whispers to him:: No use frightening the young thing.   
Baker: ::whispers back:: You _can't_ frighten her.  She lives with Milky Way.

Baker's Wife: Oh yeah…

Yume Tenshi: ::Threatening:: What about my cat?

Everyone else: Nothing!  
Little Red Ridinghood: Well, I guess Mousse-san will have to do without the bread and sweets. Besides, I have all I can carry. ::drops suitcase::   
Baker's Wife: ::trying to lift suitcase:: Oi! What the hell d'ya have in here??   
Little Red Ridinghood: Oh. We're moving in with Mousse-san. We had an accident, too. I came home to find our house collapsed. As if a big wind blew it in. I couldn't find my mother anywhere. All I could find was my brother.

Little Red Runningshorts: ::Has set the insurance papers on fire:: Pretty…   
Baker's Wife: Stop that!! ::Tries to put out fire but the papers are ruined:: Oh shit…   
Little Red Ridinghood: So we salvaged what we could, and now we're off. 

Baker's Wife: The insurance…

Little Red Runningshorts: ::Grins up at her::  
::music continues under. birds descend, chirp to Lilli::   
Cinderella: Oh, good friends. Any news for me? ::listens:: What of Mother's grave? ::listens:: What kind of trouble? ::listens:: Oh, no. I can't investigate. A Princess is not supposed to go into the woods unescorted. ::Lilli begins to cry—:: What again? Why am I always crying? ::I dunno. I didn't write it.:: Well, ok then… ::birds chirp:: Geniusness!!! I will disguise myself and go to see what's wrong. Thank you, birds. ::birds ascend. Lilli exits::   
Baker's Wife: We'll take you to Granny's.   
Baker: What?!   
Baker's Wife: ::whispers:: We're not going to let them go alone! The little boy might start a forest fire.

Little Red Runningshorts: ::Has set some random bread on fire:: Fire…

Baker's Wife: Cut that out!!  
Baker: All right. I will take you.   
Little Red Ridinghood: I don't need anyone to take us. I've been so many times that I know the way.

Baker's Wife: What about the Hibiki Bad Sense of Direction?

Little Red Ridinghood: I'm better than my father!!

Little Red Runningshorts: So am I!

Baker's Wife: But you still get lost.

Little Red Ridinghood: ::Growls::

Baker's Wife: ::Growls back::

Baker: ::Edges nervously away::

Narrators: ::Edge nervously away::

Little Red Runningshorts: ::Edges nervously away::

::Guys, behave.::

Little Red Ridinghood: ….Ok….   
Baker's Wife: That's right. We'll all take you.   
Baker: No!   
Baker's Wife: I'm not about to stay here with the baby when a "wind" might return to this house, too! Do I look stupid?

Baker: You are not to co— 

Baker's Wife: Finish that sentence and you're dead.

Baker: ::Gul….ulp::

Little Red Ridinghood, little Red Runningshorts: ::Giggles::  
Jack: I know Miss Karou made me promise, but I'm going to find that Giant anyway! 

Yahiko-White: Woo-hoo!! Field trip!!  
::Lilli, Kenshin, Miroku, Chiyumi, Miaka, Matiko, and the baby all make their way into the woods::   
Baker: INTO THE WOODS, 

IT'S ALWAYS WHEN 

YOU THINK AT LAST 

YOU'RE THROUGH, AND THEN 

INTO THE WOODS YOU GO AGAIN 

TO TAKE ANOTHER JOURNEY.   
Baker's Wife: INTO THE WOODS, 

           THE WEATHER'S CLEAR,   
           WE'VE BEEN BEFORE,   
           WE'VE NAUGHT TO FEAR...   
            INTO THE WOODS, AWAY FROM HERE—

Jack: INTO THE WOODS, TO FIND A GIANT—!

Yahiko-White: Field trip!   
Little Red Ridinghood, Little Red Runningshorts : INTO THE WOODS TO GRANDMOTHER'S HOUSE...   
Baker: INTO THE WOODS, 

THE PATH IS STRAIGHT, 

NO REASON THEN 

TO HESITATE--   
Baker's Wife: INTO THE WOODS, 

           IT'S NOT SO LATE,   
           IT'S JUST ANOTHER JOURNEY... 

Cinderella: INTO THE WOODS, 

       BUT NOT TOO LONG:   
                   THE SKIES ARE STRANGE,   
                   THE WINDS ARE STRONG.   
                   INTO THE WOODS TO SEE WHAT'S WRONG...   
Jack: ::picking up a huge pair of broken eyeglasses:: INTO THE WOODS TO SLAY THE GIANT!   
Baker's Wife: INTO THE WOODS TO SHIELD THE CHILD...   
Little Red Ridinghood: TO FLEE THE WINDS... 

Little Red Runningshorts: TO START SOME FIRES…  
Baker: TO FIND A FUTURE...   
Baker's Wife: TO SHIELD...   
Jack: TO SLAY...   
Little Red Ridinghood: TO FLEE... 

Little Red Runningshorts: TO START…  
Baker: TO FIND...   
Cinderella: TO FIX...   
Baker's Wife: TO HIDE...   
Little Red Ridinghood: TO MOVE... 

Little Red Runningshorts: AND STUFF…  
Jack: TO BATTLE...   
Cinderella: TO SEE WHAT THE TROUBLE IS...   
::music fades:: 

END OF SCENE ONE 


	7. Act Two, Scene Two

Into The Woods

************************************************************************

No new disclaimer this time. Heh heh heh. But there is a cast list!

**Cast List:**

Narrators: Clear Shadow, Yume Tenshi, Sharpsnout and MereMew

**Cinderella's Cast:**

Cinderella's Stepmother: Irvine 

Lucinda: Moonbay

Cinderella's Mother: Rudolf 

Cinderella's Prince: Raven

Cinderella: Lilli

Florinda: Fiona

Cinderella's Father: Dr. D

Steward: Van

**Baker's Cast:**

Baker: Miroku 

Baker's Wife: Chiyumi 

Mysterious Man: Inuyasha

**Little Red Ridinghood's Cast:**

Little Red Ridinghood: Hibiki Miaka

Wolf: P-Chan

Granny: Mousse

**Jack and the Beanstalk's Cast:**

Jack: Himura Kenshin

Milky White (Called Yahiko-White for the sake of humor): Yahiko

Jack's Mother: Kamiya Karou

**Rapunzel's Cast:**

Rapunzel: Maxwell Duo 

Witch: Maxwell Rina 

Rapunzel's Prince: Hawk

**New Faces:**

Cinderella's Prince: Ashi

Rapunzel's Prince: Ty

Little Red Runningshorts: Hibiki Matiko

Giant: Sagara Sanosuke

Giant: Mizukagami Akemi

Baker and Baker's Wife's Baby: Ugami Amari

Rapunzel's Twins: Ugami Sakura and Ugami Nadeshiko

************************************************************************

Scene Two 

::Duo enters, sees Miroku, Chiyumi, the baby, Miaka and Lilli; he screams::

Rapunzel: Ex_cuse_ me?

::Hysterical sobbing?::

Rapunzel: No.

Twin #1: ::Burps:: S'cuse me.

Clear Shadow: Why does that child look familiar?

Rapunzel: We Chibi-fied Sakura and Nadeshiko.

Clear Shadow: Does Ceres and Eriol know you Chibi-fied their children?

Rapunzel: It was their idea.

Twin # 2 (Nadeshiko): I like being a Chibi!

Twin #1 (Sakura): I don't. Someone is so dead when this is over. 

Clear Shadow: ::Thinking about something:: Wait, is that why Chiyumi's baby looked familiar?

Rapunzel: It's Amari.

Sharpsnout: And he didn't say anything?

Twin #1: He thinks it's fun. 

Twin #2: He's been begging Chichiri to teach how to go Chibi for for_ever_.

::Yeah, so anyway, back to the play?::

All: Right.

::Duo screams. The others scream and exit. Kenshin wanders in with Yahiko-White at his heels, Duo sees Kenshin and screams. Kenshin Oro's loudly and exits. Duo plops down on the ground and proceeds to have a mental breakdown. Rina enters::   
Witch: ::urgent:: Duo!! Why the hell are you in the middle of the forest having a breakdown? ::Duo whimpers:: What's the matter?   
Rapunzel: Oh, nothing! You just locked me in a tower without company for fourteen years, then you blinded my Prince and banished me to a desert where I had little to eat, and again no company, and then bore twins!

Twin #2: I don't think he likes us.

Twin #1: It's just a part of the script.

Rapunzel: And on top of all that you chopped off my beautiful hair!!!! Because of the way you treated me, I'll never, never be happy! ::begins bawling::   
Witch: ::defensive, yet sincere:: I was just trying to be a good mother… er sister. Stay with me. There's a giant running about.   
::Duo runs off; Rina gives chase::

Witch: What part of stay with me did you misinterpret?!?

::Hawk and Raven enter::   
Rapunzel's Prince: No.

Clear Shadow: Not again. I'm not dealing with him. Sharpsnout he's yours you do it.

Sharpsnout: No what Hawk?

Rapunzel's Prince: There is no way in hell that I'm continuing with this part. What are people gonna think? I gave Duo twins! How is that even humanly possible?!

Cinderella's Prince: If he's not doing it then neither am I.

Clear Shadow: Awww…but you look so cute in your costume,

Princes: No.

Yume Tenshi: ::To Raven:: You get to make out with Chiyumi later on.

Cinderella's Prince: Who?

MereMew: You get to cheat on your wives with Sleeping Beauty and Snow White.

Rapunzel's Prince: ::Thinking…:: Who's playing Snow White?

Clear Shadow: Uhh……whomever we can get at the very last minute?

Cinderella's Prince: This is ridiculous. You people are complete idiots. I'm not a part of this anymore.

Clear Shadow: I had a feeling this would happen, and as I'm not prepared to sing anymore Shakira for all the nice readers out there I came up with a backup plan.

Everyone else: You did??

Clear Shadow: Yep. Understudies!! ::Whistles:: C'mere guys! ::Ty and Ashi walk in:: Ta daa!!

Rapunzel's Prince: You got _Ty_ to do my part?!?

Cinderella's Prince: I'm fine with it. ::Shrugs and prepares to leave:: Oh, one thing. ::To Ashi:: Touch Lilli and you're dead fox boy. ::Exits::

Ashi: Yeah whatever.

Ty: So who's Rapunzel again?

Clear Shadow: Some guy named Duo.

Ty: You got a guy? Should Terr be doing this?

Clear Shadow: Do you want the damn part or not?

Ty: Ok, ok, ok.

Rapunzel's Prince: Ty acting. This I gotta see.

Clear Shadow: Again as the author of this fic I feel that I should inform you all that from now on when it says Rapunzel's Prince that means Ty and when it says Cinderella's Prince that means Ashi. I'm sorry if it gets confusing but what can you do? 

Rapunzel's Prince: Good Brother! What a surprise!

Cinderella's Prince: Uhh…yeah… ::Grabs script handed to him by Clear Shadow:: Thanx. Brother. How good to see you.   
Rapunzel's Prince: What brinith you intoith the wood today?   
Cinderella's Prince: ::Reading off script:: I am investigating news of a giant. 

Clear Shadow: ::Smiling nervously as the other narrators glare and Hawks starts to snicker::  
Rapunzel's Prince: You? Investigatingith news of a giant? Father wouldsn't even do that! That isith the business of your Steward...or less.   
Cinderella's Prince: ::defensive:: Well what the hell are you here for?

Rapunzel's Prince: My Rapunzel has runith offith.

Clear Shadow: Um guys? Small favor?

Cinderella's Prince: What?

Clear Shadow: ::To Ashi:: You stop reading and act for cryin' out loud and you, ::To Ty:: One more "ith" at the end of a word and I'll kill you.

Rapunzel's Prince: Sorry.

Cinderella's Prince: Yeah ok.

Clear Shadow: Not asking much you know…………   
Cinderella's Prince: Run off?   
Rapunzel's Prince: She's suffering from post…birthing? Stress. 

Cinderella's Prince: Huh?

Rapunzel's prince: Severe PMS.

Cinderella's Prince: _HUH_?!?

Sharpsnout: You know how Ceres can be?

Ceres: I heard that! I do not have severe PMS you little creep!

Cinderella's Prince: Still don't get it.

Clear Shadow: You know how girls go from happy to sad to homicidal within moments? That's what Rapunzel's suffering from.    
Cinderella's Prince: Wow that sucks.   
Rapunzel's Prince: And Cinderella?   
Cinderella's Prince: She's good, thanx..   
Rapunzel's Prince: ::Nudge, nudge, wink, wink:: Really now? C'mon why are ya really here?

Cinderella's Prince: ::Reading script:: Wait. There's a song with this job? No one said anything about that.

Clear Shadow: Ashi I am begging you. Please just sing the song. Look. I'll feed you for a week if you do.

Cinderella's Prince: Two months.

Clear Shadow: Month.

Cinderella's Prince: Deal. ::Clears throat::  HIGH IN A TOWER 

         LIKE YOURS WAS, BUT HIGHER...   
                     A BEAUTY ASLEEP. 

         ALL ROUND THE TOWER 

         A THICKET OF BRIAR 

         A HUNDRED FEET DEEP 

         AGONY! 

         NO FRUSTRATION MORE KEEN. 

         WHEN THE ONE THING YOU WANT 

         IS A THING THAT YOU'VE NOT EVEN SEEN. 

Rapunzel's Prince: I FOUND A CASKET 

       I THINK I CAN SELL IT… ::Ashi looks half interested::

      AND, IT'S UNBREAKABLE 

      INSIDE...DON'T ASK IT... 

      A MAIDEN. ALAS. 

      JUST AS UNWAKEABLE...  ::Ashi has now lost what little interest he held::

Sharpsnout: ::Whispering:: I don't think those are the right words.

Clear Shadow: ::Whispering:: They're not.

Hawk: ::whispering:: Just remember. It was your idea. Don't blame me if props go missing.  
Cinderella's Prince, Rapunzel's Prince: WHAT UNMISTAKABLE AGONY! 

   IS THE WAY ALWAYS BARRED? 

Rapunzel's Prince: SHE HAS SKIN WHITE AS SNOW...   
Cinderella's Prince: DID YOU LEARN HER NAME?   
Rapunzel's Prince: NO.   
                              THERE'S A DWARF STANDING GUARD.   
Cinderella's Prince, Rapunzel's Prince: AGONY   
                                                               SUCH THAT PRINCES MUST WEEP!

   ALWAYS IN THRALL MOST 

   TO ANYTHING ALMOST, 

   OR SOMETHING ASLEEP. 

Cinderella's Prince: IF IT WERE NOT FOR THE THICKET...   
Rapunzel's Prince: A THICKET'S NO TRICK   
                              IS IT THICK?   
Cinderella's Prince: REALLY THICK.   
Rapunzel's Prince: THE QUICKEST IS 

       PICK IT 

      APART WITH A STICK... 

Cinderella's Prince: YES, BUT EVEN ONE PRICK   
                                 IT'S MY THING ABOUT BLOOD.   
Rapunzel's Prince: WELL IT'S SICK!   
Cinderella's Prince: IT'S NO SICKER   
                                THAN YOUR THING WITH DWARVES.   
Rapunzel's Prince: DWARFS MORON.  
Cinderella's Prince: DWARFS...   
Rapunzel's Prince: DWARFS ARE VERY UPSETTING.   
Cinderella's Prince, Rapunzel's Prince: NOT FORGETTING 

  THE TASKS UNACHIEVABLE, 

  MOUNTAINS UNSCALEABLE... 

  IF IT'S CONCEIVABLE 

  BUT UNAVAILABLE,

  AHHHHHHHHHHHHH... 

  AGONY!

Cinderella's Prince: MISERY!   
Rapunzel's Prince: WOE!   
Cinderella's Prince, Rapunzel's Prince: NOT TO KNOW WHAT YOU MISS   
Cinderella's Prince: WHILE THEY LIE THERE FOR YEARS...   
Rapunzel's Prince: AND YOU CRY ON THEIR BIERS...   
Cinderella's Prince, Rapunzel's Prince: WHAT UNBEARABLE BLISS! 

   AGONY 

   THAT CAN CUT LIKE A KNIFE! 

   AH WELL, BACK TO MY WIFE... 

::we hear a wail in the distance::   
Rapunzel's Prince: ::disappointed:: That'd be Rapunzel. Gotta go. See ya bro.

Cinderella's Prince: See ya.   
::they exit in different directions:: 

Clear Shadow: They did all right I think.

Hawk: Just wait. It'll get worse.

Yume Tenshi: Wanna stick around?

Hawk: Sure why not?

::Miroku with a suitcase, Chiyumi with the baby, Miaka and Matiko enter::   
Baker: Are you certain this is the right direction?   
Little Red Ridinghood: We went down the dell.   
Baker's Wife: Perhaps the Hibiki curse is kicking in.   
Little Red Ridinghood: Shut up! The path is straight.   
Baker: Was straight. Now there is no path.   
Little Red Ridinghood: ::increasingly upset:: Where's the stream? Where's the lily pond? Where's Mousse-san?   
Baker's Wife: Calm down. ::the baby starts to cry. To Miroku:: Maybe we should turn back.   
Little Red Ridinghood: No!   
Baker: We're just gonna have to cut through the woods or something..   
Little Red Ridinghood: ::crying:: But mom warned me never to stray from the path! 

Little Red Runningshorts: She also said never to leave the house unless it's with her or one of out non-Hibiki-cursed relatives.  
Baker: The path has strayed from you.   
Little Red Ridinghood: Wait. That looks familiar. ::Points::

Little Red Runningshorts: The trees?

Little Red Ridinghood: Three large oak trees. Duh.

Little Red Runningshorts: Ohhh….

::we hear voices approaching::   
Baker: Yes. I recognize...   
Baker's Wife: Who might that be?   
::Van with wicker satchel and staff, Irvine with umbrella, Dr. D with carpet bag, Moonbay and Fiona with blind canes and dark glasses all enter and make their way towards the group:: 

Baker: The Steward and the Royal Family. ::they bow:: What brings you into the Woods?   
Cinderella's Father: The castle has been set upon by a Giant.   
Baker's Wife: Oh, shit...   
Baker: ::to Van:: I warned you! Why didn't you do something?   
Steward: I don't make the rules!!

Florinda: He just breaks them.

Steward: Fiona!

::Rina appears::   
Witch: ::to Miroku:: And I warned _you_ that you can't rely on the Royal Family to solve your problems.   
Baker's Wife: I think it best we go back to the village.   
Witch: ::bitter chuckle:: I wouldn't be in such a rush if I were you. Guess which path the giant took to the castle?   
Baker's Wife: Oh shit again... 

Little Red Runningshorts: You swear a lot.

Baker's Wife: I'm a half demon. I can.  
Baker: What?   
Witch: All that was left of my garden was a sack of beans...and there's not much left of your house either. 

Baker, Baker's Wife: Oh shit.  
Baker: But I heard giants never strike the same house twice.   
Baker's Wife: Who told you that crap?   
::suddenly the ground begins to shake. a huge shadow of a person envelopes the stage. the earth stops shaking and they look up in amazement::

Yume Tenshi: _Sanosuke_???

Clear Shadow: Sanosuke. He was all over the part.

Giant: Ha ha ha! I am humongous!

Clear Shadow: ::Cups hands over her mouth to amplify voice:: That doesn't mean you get to eat more!!

Giant: It doesn't?

Clear Shadow: No! I don't have that much food!!  
Witch: ::total amazement:: The giant's a woman!   
Baker: That size!   
Giant: ::amplified from a specific spot:: Where is the lad who killed my husband? Wait… I'm a woman?? ::Reaches down as the cast scatters and gently picks up Clear Shadow:: You never said I was a woman.

Clear Shadow: ::Hands over her ears:: That hurts!! Please, not so loud.

Giant: Oh. Sorry. ::Whispers:: You never said I was a woman.

Clear Shadow: You never asked.

Giant: I'm not sure I like this part anymore.

Clear Shadow: I'm sorry.

Hawk: ::Yelling as loud as possible:: Wow, you're battin' a thousand today aren't you?

Clear Shadow: Would you rather someone else do it?

Giant: ::Nods, nearly taking Clear Shadow out with the oversized fish bone in his mouth::

Clear Shadow: ::Sighs:: Go get the other giant then. She'll do it without complaint.

Giant: ::grins at Clear Shadow and puts her back down, then walks off::

Clear Shadow: ::Grin apologetically:: Actors are so picky.

::The ground begins to rumble as the sound of running feet is heard. Akemi enters and skids to a stop just in front of the cast::

Giant: I'm here! I'm here!! ::Bows:: I'm sorry Sanosuke no baka put you through that.

Clear Shadow: No big deal. Just start the lines!

Giant: Ok!! Where's the lad who killed my husband?  
::All lean back as Akemi speaks::   
Steward: There is no lad here.   
Baker: We haven't seen him.   
Giant: I want the lad who climbed the beanstalk! Now!!  
Witch: We'll get him for you right away. Don't move! 

Giant: Ok!  
::Miaka pulls a knife from beneath her cape and runs towards Akemi who looks shocked. Miroku restrains her, but she threatens Akemi anyway::   
Little Red Ridinghood: It was you who destroyed our house...not a great wind! It's because of you I've no mother!

Little Red Runningshorts: ::Going to help his sister:: _You_ did this to our lives. _You _made it a disaster!! Because of you we have seen _HELL!!_ ::Whips out combat umbrella and begins whacking Akemi's ankles:: Prepare to die!!   
Giant: It's not my fault!! It's not, it's not!! That boy asked for shelter, and then he stole our gold, our hen, and our harp. Then he killed my husband. I must avenge the wrongdoings. Ow that _hurts_!!!   
Baker's Wife: We are not responsible for him.   
Witch: You are wasting your breath.   
Steward: She's right. You can't reason with a dumb giant.   
::the ground gives a mighty shake; leaves and twigs fall down::   
Giant: ::Hurt:: I'm not dumb!! You're just mean!! ::Begins glowing blue and suddenly transforms into Kaguya::

Clear Shadow: Dear readers, please don't ask. I haven't gotten to that part of "Mizu Kagami" Yet. 

MereMew: When will you?

Clear Shadow: ::Shrugs:: I still have to work on "The Ties that Bind", "Soul of Magic", ::Hands clap over her mouth::

Baker: We get it, you're a busy lass.

Clear Shadow: ::Removes hands:: Still have enough time to bear your child!

Yume Tenshi: Yeah! And I'm not…that…busy.

MereMew: Oh god…

Sharpsnout: You two are…forget it. Guys just go on with the play.  
Little Red Ridinghood: Ok…we told you, he's not here.   
Cinderella's Father: The girl is telling the truth!   
Giant: I know he's there. And I'm going to wait right here until he's delivered to me. ::plops down on the ground, making everything shake and crosses her arms::   
Yume Tenshi: The giant, who was nearsighted, remained convinced that she had found the lad. There was no consensus among them as to which course of action to take.   
Baker's Wife: ::to Rina:: Put a spell on her.   
Witch: I no longer have my powers. If I did, you think I'd be standing here with all of you? ::indicates group; getting down to business:: Now, we'll have to give her someone.   
All Except Witch: Who?   
Witch: The Steward. It's in his line of duty to sacrifice his life...   
Steward: Don't be ridiculous! I'm not giving up my life for anyone!   
Giant: I'm waiting! ::Takes out Katana::  
Sharpsnout: You must understand, these were not people familiar with making choices...their past experiences in the woods had in no way prepared them to deal with a force this great.   
Witch: Excuse me, but would you like a blind girl instead?   
::Fiona and Moonbay scream::   
Stepmother: How dare you!   
Witch: Put them out of their misery.   
Florinda, Lucinda: We're not that miserable!   
Baker: What are you talking about?   
Baker's Wife: She doesn't want a woman.   
Witch: Fine. Then what do you suggest we do?   
Giant: I'm still waiting!   
MereMew: It is interesting to examine the moral issues at question here. The finality of stories such as these dictates... ::The narrators turn upstage and notice everyone looking at them. The cast moves towards them, as a group:: Sorry, we tell the story, we're not part of it.   
Little Red Ridinghood: That's right. ::pulls out knife:: 

Little Red Runningshorts: You said it. ::Pulls out Combat umbrella::  
Witch: Not one of us!   
Baker: You're always on the outside.   
Clear Shadow: ::nervous:: That's our role. You must understand, there must always be someone on the outside.   
Steward: You are going to be on the inside now.   
Yume Tenshi: You are making a big mistake.   
Stepmother: Nonsense.   
Sharpsnout: You need an objective observer to pass the story along.   
Witch: Some of us don't like the way you've been telling it.   
::They grab the narrators and begin to pull them upstage::   
MereMew: If you drag us into this mess, you'll never know how your story ends. You'll be lost.   
Baker: ::to group:: Wait. They're the only ones who know the story.   
Clear Shadow: Do you think it will be fun when you have to tell it yourselves? Think of your baby.   
Baker's Wife: Stop! She's right! Let them go! ::They let go. To Miaka and Matiko:: Put that away!   
Yume Tenshi: Now that's better. You don't want to live in a world of chaos.   
::Narrators calm down and begins to inch away from them:: 

Clear Shadow: I made some of you.

Sharpsnout: And we feed you all!  
MereMew: Besides there must always be an outside observ--   
Witch: ::screaming; racing towards narrators:: Here's have a couple of lads!   
::she suddenly pushes the narrators across the stage in the direction of Kaguya. She blinks bemusedly and suddenly turns back into Akemi.

Giant: Ohayo! ::Gently picks up the narrators:: Whatever are they doing to you?   
Narrators: I'm out of here!! ::Wriggle out of the Giant's grasp, fall to the floor, bounce twice and take off at full speed::   
Giant: They're not the lad. 

Witch: ::Shoves Hawk forward:: Here take this one!

Hawk: What?!? You traitor!! Sharpsnout, Yume, Shadow, MereMew!! Wait for meeee!!!! ::Takes off at full speed::

Giant: ::Sad:: That wasn't Master either…  
Baker: ::to Rina:: Why did you push them into her arms?   
Witch: You wanted to get rid of them, too. 

Baker's Wife: We might have thought of something else.   
Witch: If it were up to you, a decision would never be made.   
Little Red Ridinghood: ::Looking at the direction that the narrators took, panics:: Now that they're gone we'll never know what will happen next.   
Baker's Wife: We'll manage. 

Little Red Runningshorts: And Clear Shadow always gave me stuff to burn too…  
Giant: Must I search among you for the lad?   
::Karou enters:: 

All: No!   
Giant: ::Happy:: Karou-sama! Ohayo!

Jack's Mother: ::tough:: Jack is just a boy! We had no food to eat and he sold his beloved cow in exchange for magic beans. If anyone is to be punished, it's the man that made that exchange!  
Little Red Ridinghood: That's right! 

Little Red Runningshorts: Yeah!  
Baker: Shhh.   
Baker's Wife: Nonsense.   
Giant: He was your responsibility! Now I must punish him for his wrongs! I will make him eat your cooking!  
Jack's Mother: WHY YOU LITTLE!!!! We've suffered too! Do you think it was a picnic disposing of your husband's remains?   
Giant: You are getting me angry! ::Begins glowing blue::  
Jack's Mother: ::more worked up:: What about our anger? What about our loss? Who has been flouncing through our kingdom?   
Steward: Shhh. Be quiet.   
Jack's Mother: I'll hide my son and you'll never find him!   
Baker: ::through clenched teeth:: Don't upset her.   
Jack's Mother: You'll never, never find him!   
Giant: ::Growls::  
Jack's Mother: ::out of control:: And if you don't go back this instant, we'll get you for all you've done! We'll--   
::Van comes from behind her and slams her over the head with his staff. She staggers a moment, then stands motionless::   
Giant: Where's Master, Karou-sama? ::Duo runs onstage weeping; she sees Akemi and screams; Rina restrains her:: Is that him? I can't see from way up here.    
Witch: No. No. This is not the boy. ::to Duo:: Stay here!   
Steward: The boy is hiding in the Steeple tower.   
::Ty enters::   
Rapunzel's Prince: ::To Rina:: Rapunzel!

Witch: I'm the Witch you stupid idiot. ::Throws Duo at him:: _That's_ Rapunzel.

Rapunzel: Not by choice!!

Rapunzel's Prince: I thought you was a boy.

Rapunzel: I AM!!!   
Stepmother: That's true.   
Florinda, Lucinda: Yes...   
Giant: If he is not, I will return and find you! ::Slightly whinny:: Master? Master!  
Rapunzel's Prince: Rapunzel!   
::Akemi begins to exit, still calling for Kenshin. On the second footstep, Duo runs towards her::   
Rapunzel's Prince: Rapunzel, my…er… love, wait...   
::Ty begins to follow her off stage::   
Steward: No, don't step on...   
::we hear a loud squish noise; the group winces; Ty returns, looking disgusted, pauses near the edge of the stage then throws up::

Witch: Ty!! ::Runs over:: You ok?

Rapunzel's Prince: ::nods:: Give me a minute… ::Continues to throw up. Rina begins rubbing his back:: 

Witch: Clear Shadow should've warned you.

Rapunzel's Prince: She did….she just never said how _real_ it would look… ::Rina looks highly disgusted and backs off. Karou moans::   
Baker: She's in poor condition.   
Baker's Wife: Wake up. ::Light slap::   
Jack's Mother: ::fighting for breath:: Don't let them get Jack.   
Baker's Wife: We won't.   
Jack's Mother: Promise me you let him be hurt. As I stand here at death's door.   
Baker: I'll do all I can.   
Jack's Mother: Promise! Promise!   
Baker: Alright! I promise. Sheesh…

Baker's Wife: ::Hits him::  
::Karou dies in true anime fashion. Miaka sidles beside her and stares Matiko's right behind her::   
Baker's Wife: No, no. Come away from there. ::pulls them away; to Van:: You killed her! Bastard!  
Steward: I was thinking of the greater good... or something like that. I dunno… That's my job.   
::The guys drag Karou offstage. She curses as they accidentally drop her. Rina stands by herself, looking like a lost little girl::   
Witch: ::looking offstage to where Duo was killed:: 

THIS WAS THE WORLD I MEANT,   
COULDN'T YOU LISTEN?   
COULDN'T YOU STAY CONTENT   
SAFE BEHIND WALLS?   
AS I COULD NOT? 

NOW YOU KNOW WHAT'S OUT THERE IN THE WORLD

NO ONE CAN PREPARE YOU FOR THE WORLD

EVEN I

HOW COULD I WHO LOVED YOU AS YOU WERE

HOW COULD I HAVE SHIELDED YOU FROM HER?

OR THEM? ::Glares at the others accusingly. They don't notice::  
NO MATTER WHAT YOU SAY,   
CHILDREN WON'T LISTEN.   
NO MATTER WHAT YOU KNOW   
CHILDREN REFUSE TO LEARN.   
GUIDE THEM ALONG THE WAY,   
STILL THEY WON'T LISTEN.   
CHILDREN CAN ONLY GROW   
FROM SOMETHING YOU LOVE   
TO SOMETHING YOU LOSE.

::The guys come back. Miroku is rubbing the side of his face where there's a red handprint::   
Stepmother: Life was so steady, and now this! When are things going to return to normal?   
Steward: We must be gone if we're to arrive before nightfall.   
Baker: Where are you going?   
Lucinda: We're off to a hidden kingdom.   
Stepmother: Shhh. We can't take everyone.   
Witch: ::Bitter and more than a little pissed:: Fools! Idiots!! There is nowhere to hide!   
Baker: You'll never get there. We have to stay and find our way out of this together.   
Stepmother: ::sincere:: Some people are meant to fight giants. I'm _not _one of them. See ya. ::Gives an ironic salute:: 'Side all well's that ends well right?

Baker: Not always.   
::Irvine, Moonbay, Fiona, Dr. D and Van exit::   
Little Red Ridinghood: ::Resentful:: I hope the giant steps on them all. 

Little Red Runningshorts: ::Shocked:: Miaka!  
Baker's Wife: You shouldn't say that!   
::Rina, who has been quietly standing off to the side, turns around. She no longer looks lost but rather very, very angry::   
Witch: You were thinking the same thing.   
Little Red Ridinghood: This is terrible. We just saw three people die!   
Witch: ::bitter:: Since when are you so squeamish? How many wolves have you carved up?   
Little Red Ridinghood: A wolf's not the same. 

Little Red Runningshorts: Not even a little similar.  
Witch: Ask a wolf's mother!   
Baker: Stop it!   
Witch: I suggest that we find that boy _now_ and give her what she wants.   
Little Red Ridinghood: If we give her the boy, she'll kill him too.   
Witch: And if we don't, she'll kill half the kingdom!   
Baker's Wife: One step at a time. Maybe if he apologizes. Makes amends.   
Baker: Yes! He'll return the stolen goods.   
Little Red Ridinghood: Yes! 

Little Red Runningshorts: A perfect plan!  
Baker's Wife: He's really a sweet boy at heart. She'll see that.   
Witch: You people are so blind! It's because of that boy that there's a giant in our land! While you continue talking about this problem, I'll find the lad and I'll serve him to the giant for lunch! ::she exits::   
Little Red Ridinghood: Are we going to let her feed the boy to the giant?   
Baker's Wife: No!   
Baker: I'll have to find him first.   
Baker's Wife: I'll go too.   
Baker: No! Stay here with the baby.   
Baker's Wife: We'll fan out. It will increase our chances of finding him.   
Baker: What if one of us gets lost?   
Baker's Wife: We'll count our steps from right here. ::Miaka and Matiko come over:: No. You stay here with the baby. I do not want you roaming about the Woods. You'll both get lost and your parents will kill us.  
Baker: You would leave our child with them? He might set him on fire.

Baby (Amari): Cousin Matiko wouldn't do that, right?

Little Red Runningshorts: 'Course not.   
Baker's Wife: The baby is asleep. He will be safe with these kids.  
Baker: But what if the giant were to return here...!   
Baker's Wife: The giant will not harm them. I know.   
Baker: How do you know?   
Baker's Wife: I know!   
Baker: But what if...   
Baker's Wife: But what if! BUT WHAT IF! I'M GOING TO WHAT IF YOU!!! Will only a giant's foot stop your arguing. One hundred paces...GO!   
::pause. They stare at each other for a moment, then Miroku leans over and kisses her::

Baker: Be careful.   
::They leave in opposite directions Miaka and Matiko stay with the baby:: 

::Chiyumi is counting to herself and runs into Ashi  
Baker's Wife: 81...82...83...84…::she sees Ashi and bows:: Hello, S— _Ayashi_? What they hell are you doing here? I thought Raven was Cinderella's Prince. 

Cinderella's Prince: I'm the understudy and don't call me that!!

Baker's Wife: Feh.  
Cinderella's Prince: ::continuing to walk:: Hello.   
Baker's Wife: You must be here to slay the giant.   
Cinderella's Prince: No just walkin'. I mean! Yes, Yes I am here to slay the giant.   
Baker's Wife: Have you come upon her yet?   
Cinderella's Prince: No. It's a her?  
Baker's Wife: Yep. I saw her.   
Cinderella's Prince: ::stops walking:: You have?   
Baker's Wife: Yep.   
Cinderella's Prince: Well, why are ya here by yourself?

Baker's Wife: I came with my husband. We were...well, it's a long story.   
Cinderella's Prince: ::Suspicious:: Who's dat?

Baker's Wife: ::Defensive:: Miroku-san.

Cinderella's Prince: He would let you roam alone in the woods?  Oh wait, he's probably groping other members of the cast.  
Baker's Wife: No, actually, it was my choice… though I think I'm regretting it now. I'm looking for Chibi-Samurai-Kun.   
Cinderella's Prince: ::moves closer:: Your choice? How brave.   
Baker's Wife: ::Step back:: Brave?   
Cinderella's Prince: ::next to her:: Yes. 

ANYTHING CAN HAPPEN IN THE WOODS   
MAY I KISS YOU? 

Baker's Wife: Excuse me?!?   
Cinderella's Prince: ANY MOMENT WE COULD BE CRUSHED   
Baker's Wife: Uh...   
Cinderella's Prince: DON'T FEEL RUSHED   
::He leans in, Chiyumi sticks a hand up and he winds up kissing her hand::

Baker's Wife: Are you nuts kid? Get back and get back now.

Cinderella's Prince: ::Just realizing what the hell is going on:: Wait a minute… ::Reading the script:: WHAT THE FREAKIN' HELL?!?!

Baker's Wife: Didn't you read the script before taking this on?!?

Cinderella's Prince: ::Shakes head, Chiyumi smacks him upside the head:: Don't do that!! CLEAR SHADOW!!!

Baker's Wife: They're not here.

Cinderella's Prince: How come?

Baker's Wife: Rina threw them at the Giant.

Cinderella's Prince: Good. I'm not continuing this song. Can we just go to the end?

Baker's Wife: Do the last couple of verses.

Cinderella's Prince: Why the hell should I?

Baker's Wife: I'll feed you.

Cinderella's Prince: ::Excited:: Ok! RIGHT AND WRONG DON'T MATTER IN THE WOODS. 

         ONLY FEELINGS.   
         LET US MEET THE MOMENT UNBLUSHED.   
         LIFE IS OFTEN SO UNPLEASANT...   
         YOU MUST KNOW THAT AS A PEASANT...   
         BEST TO TAKE THE MOMENT PRESENT   
         AS A PRESENT FOR THE MOMENT. 

::As Ashi takes Chiyumi into the glade—::

Baker's Wife, Cinderella's Prince: WHAT?!?!?

::You take her into the glade to do some…how does Yume put it? Ah. Investigating. You two are investigating::

Baker's Wife: HE'S TEN YEARS OLD!!!! ::I didn't write it!!::

Cinderella's Prince: ::Panicked:: I don't think I like this!! ::Chill out. You just have to go offstage:: 

Baker's Wife: I'll never be able to face you again you realize that right?

Cinderella's Prince: Got it. ::They exit:: 

::Miroku encounters Lilli at her Mother's grave; the tree is shattered. she is weeping:: 

Cinderella: Weeping, weeping. Do I do anything else in this goddamn play? ::No, not really:: Oh for crying out loud. This is ridiculous…  
Baker: ::offstage, then entering:: Jack? Jack? _JACK!!!_  81...82...83... ::he sees Lilli:: What's wrong Ma'am? May I be of some service? Will you bear my child?   
Cinderella: The tree has fallen. Mother's grave, destroyed. Damn this sucks… and no I will not.  
Baker: Oh, I'm sorry.   
Cinderella: My wishes have just been crushed.   
Baker: Don't say that. ::Inches closer::  
Cinderella: ::Inches away:: It's true. You wouldn't understand.   
Baker: ::Inches closer:: Well you can't stay here. There's a giant on the loose.   
Cinderella: ::Inches away:: I'm certain the Prince will see to it that the giant is rid from our land.   
Baker: ::Inches closer:: There's no sign of the Prince. No doubt he's off seducing some young maiden.   
Cinderella: ::Inches away:: What?   
Baker: ::Inches closer:: I understand it's what princes do.   
Cinderella: No that's what _you _do. ::Inches away:: Now get back!

Baker: ::Sigh:: You look just like the Princess...only dirty. You are the Princess.   
::he drops as if bowing but in reality is looking up Lilli's dress::   
Cinderella: Please. Get up. Get up! ::sees what he's doing and kicks him across the stage:: Stop that!   
::Miroku stands back up and hobbles back over::  
Baker: What are you to do?   
Cinderella: I must be on my way back to the castle.   
Baker: You haven't heard? We came upon the Royal Family. The castle has been set upon by the giant. The cowards have left.  
Cinderella: Stupid son of a bitch. I'm going to kill them. And the Prince?   
Baker: He was not with them. ::beat:: You must come with me. You shall be safe in our company. 

Cinderella: I think I'd feel safer in someone else's company.

Baker: ::sigh::  
::They exit and we see Chiyumi and Ashi who are on the ground investigating::

Baker's Wife: WE ARE NOT INVESTIGATING!!! STOP SAYING THAT!!!

Cinderella's Prince: What exactly _is_ investigating?

Baker's Wife: Nothing. Never mind.

::Question::

Baker's Wife: ::Tiredly:: What?

::What _are_ you two doing?::

Cinderella's Prince: Blackjack!

Baker's Wife: Clear Shadow taught me how to play. It's great! ::Holds up a handful of papers:: See what I won from him?

::What?::

Baker's Wife: ::Leafing through the papers:: Phantom Hawk Gundam, Dan's racing broom, some of Kuduo's bandanas, Kasey's jewelry.

Cinderella's Prince: Stop, stop! They don't need to know alla that!! 

Baker's Wife: You should've considered that before you bet other people's property.

Cinderella's Prince: Oh shut up…

::Can we continue?::

Baker's Wife: Yeah. Go 'head Ashi-kun. It's your line.   
Cinderella's Prince: Yeah, yeah, yeah…I must leave you.   
Baker's Wife: Why?   
Cinderella's Prince: The giant, remember?  
Baker's Wife: The giant. I had almost forgotten. Will we find each other in the woods again?   
Cinderella's Prince: THIS WAS JUST A MOMENT IN THE WOODS. 

        OUR MOMENT,   
        SHIMMERING AND LOVELY AND SAD.   
        LEAVE THE MOMENT, JUST BE GLAD   
        FOR THE MOMENT THAT WE HAD.   
        EVERY MOMENT IS OF THE MOMENT   
       WHEN YOU'RE IN THE WOODS...   
::Music continues under:: 

Now, I must go off to slay the giant. Before I lose my shirt or something ::he gives her a quick kiss:: No! No kissing! ::How about a handshake?:: …………..Yeah alright. ::He shakes her hand::  I shall not forget you. How brave you are to be alone in the Woods. And how alive you've made me feel or something like that…I lost my script.

Baker's Wife: You should've had it memorized Ayashi-Chan.

Cinderella's Prince: Shut up Chiyumi. ::he exits::   
Baker's Wife: ::sits stunned; music briefly, stops:: What was that? ::music resumes::

WAS THAT ME?   
WAS THAT HIM?   
DID A PRINCE REALLY KISS ME?   
AND KISS ME?   
AND KISS ME?   
AND DID I KISS HIM BACK?   
WAS IT WRONG?   
AM I MAD?   
IS THAT ALL?   
DOES HE MISS ME?   
WAS HE SUDDENLY   
GETTING BORED WITH ME? ::she stands::   
WAKE UP! STOP DREAMING.   
STOP PRANCING ABOUT THE WOODS.   
IT'S NOT BESEEMING.   
WHAT IS IT ABOUT THE WOODS? ::firm::   
BACK TO LIFE, BACK TO SENSE,   
BACK TO CHILD, BACK TO HUSBAND,   
YOU CAN'T LIVE IN THE WOODS.   
THERE ARE VOWS, THERE ARE TIES,   
THERE ARE NEEDS, THERE ARE STANDARDS,   
THERE ARE SHOULDN'TS AND SHOULDS.   
WHY NOT BOTH INSTEAD? ::Dreamy expression::  
THERE'S THE ANSWER, IF YOU'RE CLEVER;   
HAVE A CHILD FOR WARMTH   
AND A BAKER FOR BREAD   
AND A PRINCE FOR WHATEVER...   
NEVER!   
IT'S THESE WOODS.   
FACE THE FACTS, FIND THE BOY,   
JOIN THE GROUP, STOP THE GIANT...   
JUST GET OUT OF THESE WOODS.   
WAS THAT HIM? YES IT WAS.   
WAS THAT ME? NO, IT WASN'T,   
JUST A TRICK OF THE WOODS.   
JUST A MOMENT, ::Leans against a tree wistfully::  
ONE PECULIAR PASSING MOMENT.   
MUST IT BE EITHER LESS OR MORE   
EITHER PLAIN OR GRAND?   
IS IT ALWAYS "OR"?   
IS IT NEVER "AND"?   
THAT'S WHAT WOODS ARE FOR;   
FOR THOSE MOMENTS IN THE WOODS...   
OH, IF LIFE WERE MADE OF MOMENTS,   
EVEN NOW AND THEN A BAD ONE...   
BUT IF LIFE WERE ONLY MOMENTS,   
THEN YOU'D NEVER KNOW YOU HAD ONE.   
FIRST A WITCH, THEN A CHILD,   
THEN A PRINCE, THEN A MOMENT...   
WHO CAN LIVE IN THE WOODS?   
AND TO GET WHAT YOU WISH,   
ONLY JUST FOR A MOMENT...   
THESE ARE DANGEROUS WOODS...   
LET THE MOMENT GO...   
DON'T FORGET IT FOR A MOMENT THOUGH.   
JUST REMEMBERING YOU'VE AN "AND"   
WHEN YOU'RE BACK TO "OR"   
MAKES THE "OR" MEAN MORE   
THAN IT DID BEFORE   
NOW I UNDERSTAND... ::sighs, starts walking faster::   
AND IT'S TIME TO LEAVE THE WOODS. ::Chiyumi finishes

the song and begins counting her steps offstage. She pauses and sniffs the air around her, then turns and takes off in another direction, pauses, sniffs and realizes that she's completely lost. Overhead are the sound of Akemi's footsteps and her plaintive calls for Kenshin. Chiyumi panics as the trees around her crash to the ground and runs blindly ion one direction. Trees fall around her and she disappears from view.

::set change. We see Miroku, Lilli, Miaka, Matiko sitting in a circle playing "Crocodili Oh My"::   
Baker: She should be back by now.   
Little Red Ridinghood: She wouldn't get lost.   
Cinderella: I'm sure she'll return. 

Little Red Runningshorts: She's good at finding her way. ::Gets hands clapped by Miaka:: Oh! I lost!  
Baker: No. I must go in search of her.   
Little Red Ridinghood: We'll come too.   
Baker: No. You stay here. You'll get lost. I'll count 100 paces. I shall return soon. 1...2...3...   
::Rina makes a noisy entrance with Kenshin in tow; she has a firm grip on him and is telling him off for something. Kenshin drops Chiyumi's Shukusens as he enters::   
Witch: Look who I found!   
Jack: Please don't let her give me to the giant!   
Witch: It's not our fault the giant wants you!   
::Miroku notices the Shukusens and picks them up::   
Cinderella: Let go of him!   
Little Red Ridinghood: Leave him alone! 

Little Red Runningshorts: Yeah!  
Baker: Where did you find this? ::Rina lets go of Kenshin:: Where is my wife?   
Witch: She's dead.   
Baker: ::he stops:: What?   
Jack: ::Runs over to where the group is:: I'm sorry sir. I came upon her, that I did. She was under a tree, that she was...   
Witch: He was sobbing over her like she was his own mother! 

Jack: She's a good person, that she is. I felt bad, that I did.  
Cinderella: How awful...   
Baker: How could this happen? I should never have let her wander off alone.   
Jack: I buried her in a footprint, that I did.   
Baker: I should have insisted she stay at home.   
Witch: Remorse will get you nowhere.   
Baker: ::angry:: My wife is dead!   
Witch: ::Equally angry:: Wake up! People are dying all around you. You are not the only one to suffer a loss. When you're dead, you're dead. Now it's time to get this boy to the giant before we're all so much dead meat. ::she grabs Kenshin who struggles::   
Cinderella: ::trying to free Kenshin:: Keep away from him!   
Little Red Ridinghood: ::joining Lilli:: No! 

Little Red Runningshorts: Leave him alone!  
Witch: This is no time to be softhearted! He's going to the giant and I'm taking him...   
Baker: ::advancing, distraught:: Yes. He's the one to blame. ::to Kenshin:: It's because of you there's a giant in our midst and my wife is dead.   
Jack: BUT IT ISN'T MY FAULT,   
         I WAS GIVEN THOSE BEANS! ::referring to Miroku:: 

        YOU PERSUADED ME TO TRADE AWAY MY COW FOR BEANS!   
        AND WITHOUT THOSE BEANS   
        THERE'D HAVE BEEN NO STALK   
        TO GET UP TO THE GIANT'S   
        IN THE FIRST PLACE!   
Baker: WAIT A MINUTE, MAGIC BEANS 

FOR A COW SO OLD 

THAT YOU HAD TO TELL   
A LIE TO SELL IT   
WHICH YOU TOLD!   
WERE THEY WORTHLESS BEANS?   
WERE THEY OVER SOLD OH AND TELL US WHO   
PERSUADED YOU   
TO STEAL THAT GOLD? 

Little Red Ridinghood: ::Shoves Kenshin:: SEE, IT'S YOUR FAULT   
Jack: NO!   
Baker: SO IT'S YOUR FAULT   
Jack: NO!   
Little Red Runningshorts: ::shoves Kenshin:: YES, IT IS!   
Jack: IT'S NOT!   
Baker: IT'S TRUE   
Jack: ::to Miroku:: WAIT A MINUTE... 

         THOUGH I ONLY STOLE THE GOLD   
         TO GET MY COW BACK   
         FROM YOU!   
Little Red Ridinghood: ::Shoves Miroku:: SO IT'S YOUR FAULT!   
Jack: YES!   
Baker: NO, IT ISN'T! 

I'D HAVE KEPT THOSE BEANS, 

BUT OUR HOUSE WAS CURSED ::pointing at Rina::   
SHE MADE US GET A COW   
TO GET THE CURSE REVERSED! 

Witch: IT'S HIS FATHER'S FAULT 

THAT THE CURSE GOT PLACED   
AND THE PLACE GOT CURSED   
IN THE FIRST PLACE! 

Little Red Ridinghood: OH, THEN 

  IT'S HIS FAULT! 

Witch: SO?   
Cinderella: IT WAS HIS FAULT...   
Jack: NO.   
Baker: YES, IT IS. 

IT'S HIS   
Cinderella: I GUESS...   
Jack: WAIT A MINUTE, THOUGH... 

         I CHOPPED DOWN THE BEANSTALK...   
         RIGHT, THAT'S CLEAR   
         BUT WITHOUT ANY BEANSTALK   
         THEN WHAT'S QUEER IS   
         HOW DID THE SECOND GIANT GET DOWN HERE   
         IN THE FIRST PLACE ::confused:: 

         SECOND PLACE...   
Cinderella: YES!   
Little Red Runningshorts: HOW?   
Baker: HMM...   
Jack: WELL,   
         WHO HAD THE OTHER BEAN?   
Baker: THE OTHER BEAN?   
Cinderella: THE OTHER BEAN?   
Jack: ::to Miroku:: YOU POCKETED THE OTHER BEAN   
Baker: I DIDN'T. 

YES, I DID.   
Little Red Ridinghood: ::Going to shove him:: SO, IT'S YOUR F...!   
Baker: NO, IT ISN'T, 

'CAUSE I GAVE IT TO MY WIFE!   
Little Red Runningshorts: SO, IT'S HER F...!   
Baker: NO, IT ISN'T!!   
Cinderella: THEN WHOSE IS IT?   
Baker: WAIT A MINUTE! ::Advances on Lilli excitedly:: 

SHE EXCHANGED THAT BEAN 

TO OBTAIN YOUR SHOE, 

SO, THE ONE WHO KNOWS WHAT HAPPENED 

TO THE BEAN IS YOU!   
Cinderella: YOU MEAN THAT OLD BEAN... 

       THAT YOUR WIFE...? OH DEAR... ::as they all look at her::   
       BUT I NEVER KNEW,   
       AND SO I THREW...   
       WELL, DON'T LOOK HERE! 

Little Red Ridinghood: ::shoves her:: SO, IT'S YOUR FAULT!   
Cinderella: ::Shoves back:: BUT...   
Jack: SEE, IT'S HER FAULT...   
Cinderella: BUT...   
Jack: AND IT ISN'T MINE AT ALL!   
Baker: ::to Lilli:: BUT WHAT?   
Cinderella: ::Shoves Kenshin, he falls over:: WELL, IF YOU HADN'T 

       GONE BACK UP AGAIN... 

Jack: ::Gets back up:: WE WERE NEEDY...   
Cinderella: ::Shoves him again, he falls down again:: YOU WERE GREEDY!   
                   DID YOU NEED THAT HEN?   
Jack: ::Gets back up:: BUT I GOT IT FOR MY MOTHER...!   
Little Red Ridinghood: SO, IT'S HER FAULT THEN!   
Cinderella: ::Shoves him a third time, he falls:: YES, AND WHAT ABOUT THE HARP   
                   IN THE THIRD PLACE?   
Baker: The Harp, yes!   
Jack: ::referring to Miaka:: SHE WENT AND DARED ME TO!   
Little Red Ridinghood: I DARED YOU TO?   
Jack: YOU DARED ME TO! to others:: 

         SHE SAID THAT I WAS SCARED TO.   
         SHE DARED ME!   
Little Red Ridinghood: NO, I DIDN'T!   
Jack: SO, IT'S YOUR FAULT!   
Little Red Ridinghood: WAIT A MINUTE...!   
Cinderella: IF YOU HADN'T DARED HIM TO...   
Baker: ::to Kenshin:: ...AND IF YOU HAD LEFT THE HARP ALONE,   
            WE WOULDN'T BE IN THIS TROUBLE   
             IN THE FIRST PLACE!   
Little Red Ridinghood: ::to Lilli, overlapping. They begin to shove each other back and forth as Matiko watches:: 

WELL, IF YOU HADN'T THROWN AWAY THE BEAN   
   IN THE FIRST PLACE...!   
   IT WAS YOUR FAULT! 

Cinderella: ::looking at Rina:: WELL, IF SHE HADN'T 

       RAISED THEM IN THE FIRST PLACE...!   
Jack: ::overlapping, to Rina:: YES, IF YOU HADN'T RAISED THEM   
         IN THE FIRST PLACE...!   
Little Red Ridinghood, Baker: ::to Rina:: IT WAS YOU WHO RAISED THEM 

                                      IN THE FIRST PLACE...!   
Cinderella: ::simultaneous:: YOU RAISED THE BEANS IN THE FIRST PLACE!   
Jack: IT'S YOUR FAULT!   
Little Red Ridinghood, Baker, Jack, Cinderella: YOU'RE RESPONSIBLE!   
                                                                              YOU'RE THE ONE TO BLAME!   
                                                                               IT'S YOUR FAULT!   
::Rina holds up a hand wearily::   
Witch: IT'S THE LAST MIDNIGHT. 

IT'S THE LAST WISH 

IT'S THE LAST MIDNIGHT. 

SOON IT WILL BE BOOM... 

::stamps her foot:: 

SQUISH! ::squishes; squish sound. confronting each in turn:: 

TOLD A LITTLE LIE, 

STOLE A LITTLE GOLD, 

BROKE A LITTLE VOW 

DID YOU? 

HAD TO GET YOUR PRINCE, 

HAD TO GET YOUR COW, 

HAVE TO GET YOUR WISH, 

DOESN'T MATTER HOW, 

ANYWAY, IT DOESN'T MATTER NOW! 

IT'S THE LAST MIDNIGHT. 

IT'S THE BOOM...  

SPLAT! ::splat sound:: 

NOTHING BUT A VAST MIDNIGHT 

EVERYBODY SMASHED FLAT! 

NOTHING WE CAN DO. 

NOT EXACTLY TRUE; 

WE CAN ALWAYS GIVE HER THE BOY! 

::they protect Kenshin as she reaches for him. She shrugs:: 

NO? 

NO, OF COURSE WHAT REALLY MATTERS 

IS THE BLAME, 

SOMEBODY TO BLAME. 

FINE IF THAT'S THE THING YOU ENJOY 

PLACING THE BLAME 

IF THAT'S THE AIM, 

GIVE ME THE BLAME... 

JUST GIVE ME THE BOY!   
Little Red Ridinghood, Cinderella: No!   
Witch: NO... 

YOU'RE SO NICE 

YOU'RE NOT GOOD, 

YOU'RE NOT BAD, 

YOU'RE JUST NICE. 

I'M NOT GOOD 

I'M NOT NICE 

I'M JUST RIGHT! 

I'M THE WITCH 

YOU'RE THE WORLD. 

I'M THE HITCH, 

I'M WHAT NO ONE BELIEVES, 

I'M A WITCH. 

YOU'RE ALL LIARS AND THIEVES 

LIKE HIS FATHER, 

LIKE HIS SON WILL BE TOO... ::throws hands up::

OH, WHY BOTHER? 

YOU'LL JUST DO WHAT YOU DO. 

IT'S THE LAST MIDNIGHT. 

SO, GOODBYE ALL. 

COMING AT YOU FAST, MIDNIGHT... 

SOON YOU'LL SEE THE SKY FALL. ::Rina begins to throw beans around throughout the next verse as everyone else tries to pick them up before they grow::

HERE, YOU WANT ANOTHER BEAN? 

HAVE ANOTHER BEAN. 

BEANS WERE MADE FOR MAKING YOU RICH! 

PLANT THEM AND THEY SOAR... 

HERE, YOU WANT SOME MORE? 

LISTEN TO THE ROAR; 

GIANTS BY THE SCORE...! 

OH WELL, YOU CAN BLAME ANOTHER WITCH. 

IT'S THE LAST MIDNIGHT, 

IT'S THE LAST VERSE. 

NOW, BEFORE IT'S PAST MIDNIGHT, 

I'M LEAVING YOU MY LAST CURSE; 

I'M LEAVING YOU ALONE. 

YOU CAN TEND THE GARDEN, IT'S YOURS. 

SEPARATE AND ALONE, 

EVERYBODY DOWN ON ALL FOURS. 

ALRIGHT MOTHER, WHEN? 

LOST THE BEANS AGAIN! 

PUNISH ME THE WAY YOU DID THEN! 

GIVE ME CLAWS AND A HUNCH 

JUST AWAY FROM THIS BUNCH 

AND THE GLOOM 

AND THE DOOM 

AND THE BOOM 

CRUNNNCH!   
::she disappears::   
Jack: Maybe I shouldn't have stolen from the Giant, that I shouldn't have.   
Little Red Ridinghood: Maybe I shouldn't have strayed from the path...   
Little Red Runningshorts: Or left home at all

Cinderella: Maybe I shouldn't have attended the ball...   
Baker: Yes, maybe you shouldn't have.   
::Miroku begins to exit::   
Jack: Where are you going?   
Baker: Away from here.   
Little Red Ridinghood: But you said we had to find our way out of this together.   
Baker: It doesn't matter whether we're together or apart.   
Jack: We need your help, we do.

Little Red Runningshorts: Yeah.   
Baker: You don't understand. My wife was the only one who really helped. I depended on her for everything. ::moves further::   
Cinderella: You would leave your child?   
Baker: ::sad:: My child will be happier in the arms of a princess.   
::Miroku exits::   
Cinderella: But wait... 

Little Red Runningshorts: Is this bad?

Little Red Ridinghood: Yeah.  
::Lilli, Kenshin, Miaka and Matiko exit::   
::Miroku is walking morosely through the woods and is surprised by Inuyasha::

Baker: I thought you were dead.   
Mysterious Man: Feh. Me?

Baker: As far as I'm concerned you are.   
Mysterious Man: Feh.   
Baker: It's because of you all this has happened.   
Mysterious Man: I went into the damn garden to get somethin' for your mother, and took the damn beans. How was I supposed to know what was gonna happen next? Then when she croaked I took off. Ain't you doin' the same thing?

 Baker: No.   
Mysterious Man: Feh.   
Baker: NO MORE QUESTIONS. 

PLEASE. 

NO MORE TESTS. 

COMES THE DAY YOU SAY "WHAT FOR?" 

PLEASE...NO MORE.   
Mysterious Man: THEY DISAPPOINT, 

                 THEY DISAPPEAR, 

                 THEY DIE BUT THEY DON'T...   
Baker: What?   
Mysterious Man: THEY DISAPPOINT, 

                 IN TURN, I FEAR. 

                 FORGIVE, THOUGH, THEY WON'T...   
Baker: NO MORE RIDDLES. 

NO MORE JESTS. 

NO MORE CURSES YOU CAN'T UNDO, 

LEFT BY FATHERS YOU NEVER KNEW 

NO MORE QUESTS. 

NO MORE FEELINGS 

TIME TO SHUT THE DOOR 

JUST...NO MORE.   
Mysterious Man: RUNNING AWAY...LET'S DO IT 

                 FREE FROM THE TIES THAT BIND. 

                 NO MORE DESPAIR,  

                 OR BURDENS TO BEAR, 

                 OUT THERE IN THE YONDER. ::Points into the distance::

                 RUNNING AWAY...GO TO IT. 

                 WHERE DID YOU HAVE IN MIND? 

                  HAVE TO TAKE CARE; 

                  UNLESS THERE'S A "WHERE", 

                  YOU'LL ONLY BE WANDERING BLIND. 

                  JUST MORE QUESTIONS. 

                  DIFFERENT KIND.  

                  WHERE ARE WE TO GO? 

                  WHERE ARE WE EVER TO GO? 

                  RUNNING AWAY...WE'LL DO IT. 

                  WHY SIT AROUND, RESIGNED? 

                  TROUBLE IS, SON 

                  THE FARTHER YOU RUN 

                  THE MORE YOU FEEL UNDEFINED 

                  FOR WHAT YOU HAVE LEFT UNDONE 

                  AND, MORE, WHAT YOU HAVE LEFT BEHIND. 

                  WE DISAPPOINT, 

                  WE LEAVE A MESS 

                  WE DIE BUT WE DON'T...   
Baker: WE DISAPPOINT 

IN TURN, I GUESS. 

FORGET, THOUGH, WE WON'T...   
Baker, Mysterious Man: LIKE FATHER, LIKE SON.   
Baker: ::as Inuyasha disappears:: 

NO MORE GIANTS, 

WAGING WAR. ::Gets more and more passionate:: 

CAN'T WE JUST PURSUE OUR LIVES 

WITH OUR CHILDREN AND OUR WIVES? 

TILL THAT HAPPY DAY ARRIVES, 

HOW DO YOU IGNORE 

ALL THE WITCHES, 

ALL THE CURSES 

ALL THE WOLVES 

ALL THE LIES 

THE FALSE HOPES, THE GOODBYES, THE REVERSES, 

ALL THE WONDERING WHAT EVEN WORSE 

IS STILL IN STORE? 

ALL THE CHILDREN... 

ALL THE GIANTS...   
::after a moment's thought:: 

NO MORE.   
::Miroku exits and returns to where he left the others. They are playing "Crocodilli Oh My::

Cinderella: I knew you wouldn't give up.   
Jack: He wouldn't leave his baby, that he wouldn't.  
Little Red Ridinghood: It looked like he was going to. ::Slaps Matiko's hand::

Little Red Runningshorts: Again?!?  
Baker: Give me my son. ::Miroku takes Amari, Amari begins to cry::   
He always cries when I... ::Amari stops crying::

Baby: Why do I hafta cry? 

Ceres: It's in the script kiddo.

Eriol: Gotta deal.

Baby: Oh…..  
Cinderella: Now what are we going to do?   
Baker: We must have a plan before the giant returns.   
Jack: What?   
Baker: We all have to think.   
Jack: If there were just some way we could surprise her.   
Little Red Ridinghood: She's too tall to surprise. 

Little Red Runningshorts: And too bouncy.  
::birds descend, twittering::   
Cinderella: Oh, good friends, I need your help now more than ever. ::she listens:: What of the Prince? ::she listens, glancing at Miroku as if he understands the birds:: Stupid asshole!! I'll kill him!!!!! Ahem… what's important now is that we find a way to kill the giant. How can you help? ::she listens:: You could do that? ::She listens:: How can I ever thank you? ::birds fly off as Lilli waves goodbye::   
Little Red Ridinghood: You can talk to birds?   
Cinderella: ::Shrugs:: I have many talents. The birds will help.   
Jack: How?   
Cinderella: When the giant returns, they'll attack her and peck out her eyes 'til she's blind.   
Baker: What good will that do?   
Cinderella: Then you can surprise her. Strike her...or whatever you do to kill a giant.   
Baker: Once she's blinded she'll stagger about.   
Jack: She'll get scared, she will.   
Little Red Ridinghood: And she'll crush us.   
Little Red Runningshorts: And that'll suck.  
Baker: Smear the ground with pitch.   
Cinderella: What?   
Baker: We'll lure her to an area smeared with pitch.   
Cinderella: Her shoes will stick, and she won't be able to move.   
Jack: And I will climb a tree and strike her from behind, I will. ::Sighs:: Poor Akemi-Chan isn't going to like this at all, she won't.   
Baker: I will climb a tree too. It will take two mighty blows.   
Little Red Ridinghood: I'm excited. 

Little Red Runningshorts: I'm hungry…  
Jack: I'm going to kill another giant, I am.   
Baker: Quick. It will be dark soon. We must find the pitch.   
Little Red Ridinghood: There's some at Mousse-san's.   
Baker: ::hands the baby to Lilli:: The baby will be safe here with you. This will take no time.   
::The others exit. Amari begins to cry::   
Cinderella: Oh no. Now, now, don't cry little one. I know you want your mother.   
::Amari begins to calm down. Ashi bounds onstage; he doesn't recognize Lilli, nor Lilli him::   
Cinderella's Prince: Hello. 

Cinderella: Hi. Who're you?

Cinderella's Prince: The Prince apparently.

Cinderella: What? I thought that, that boy was the new Prince. The one who threw up earlier.

Cinderella's Prince: I'm Cinderella's Prince.

Cinderella: You are?? Oh then you're the one who—Oh so Raven didn't—I'm so relieved!!

Cinderella's Prince: Uhh sure lady. Whatever.  
::he begins to cross the stage to exit::   
Cinderella: The Giant went in that direction.   
Cinderella's Prince: ::realizing it must be Cinderella:: My darling. I did not recognize you. What are you doing in those old clothes? And with a child? Is that supposed to mine or somethin'?!? You must go back to the castle at once. There's a giant on the loose.   
Cinderella: The Giant has been to the castle.   
Cinderella's Prince: No! Are you alright? ::Lilli nods and walks away:: My love, why so cold?   
Cinderella: Maybe it's because I am not your only love. Am I?   
Cinderella's Prince: ::beat:: I love you. I do. ::pause:: But yes, it's true.   
Cinderella: Why, if you love me, would you have strayed?   
Cinderella's Prince: I thought if you were mine, then I couldn't wish for more. And part of me is cool with that. But there remains a part that continually needs more.  ::Looks happy that he remembered his lines so well::  
Cinderella: I have, on occasion, wanted more. But that doesn't mean I went in search of it. If this is how you behave as a Prince, what kind of King will you be?   
Cinderella's Prince: I was raised to be charmin', not sincere. I didn't ask to be born a king, and I'm not perfect. I am only human.

Offstage:: A-HEM!!!

Cinderella's Prince: Half human. Whatever.   
Cinderella: ::after a pause:: I think you should go.   
Cinderella's Prince: Leave? But I do love you. And food. Food is always good.   
Cinderella: Consider that I have been lost. ::Bitter:: A victim of the Giant.   
Cinderella's Prince: Is that what you really want?   
Cinderella: My father's house was a nightmare. Your house was a dream. Now I want something in between. Please go.   
::Ashi begins to exit::   
Cinderella's Prince: I'll always love the runaway girl.

Cinderella: And I the faraway Prince.   
::Ashi exits. Another moment then Miaka and Matiko enter::   
Little Red Ridinghood: They're almost finished. You see over there between those two trees? When the giant comes, we are to send her over there.   
Cinderella: Good.   
Little Red Runningshorts: I wanted to climb the tree too.   
Cinderella: I am glad that you are here to help me. ::Miaka begins to cry; music begins::   
What's wrong?   
Little Red Ridinghood: Mousse-san's gone.   
Cinderella: Oh no. I'm so sorry.   
Little Red Ridinghood: I think my cousin and my mother would be very angry with us.   
Cinderella: Why?   
Little Red Runningshorts: They said to always make them proud. And here we are about to kill somebody.   
Cinderella: Not somebody. A giant that has been doing harm.   
Little Red Ridinghood: But the Giant's a person. Aren't we to show forgiveness? Mother would be very unhappy with these circumstances.   
Cinderella: MOTHER CANNOT GUIDE YOU. 

       NOW YOU'RE ON YOUR OWN. 

       ONLY ME BESIDE YOU, 

       STILL, YOU'RE NOT ALONE. 

       NO-ONE IS ALONE, TRULY. 

       NO-ONE IS ALONE. 

       SOMETIMES PEOPLE LEAVE YOU, 

       HALFWAY THROUGH THE WOOD   
                   OTHERS MAY DECEIVE YOU,   
                   YOU DECIDE WHAT'S GOOD.   
                   YOU DECIDE ALONE.   
                    BUT NO-ONE IS ALONE.   
Little Red Ridinghood, Little Red Runningshorts: I WISH...   
Cinderella: I KNOW...   
::The kids move closer to Lilli as the scene moves to Miroku and Kenshin::   
Jack: Wait until Miss Karou hears I've slain the Giant. She'll be most upset that I clubbed Akemi-Chan over the head, that she will.   
Baker: Jack. Your mother is dead.   
Jack: ::stunned:: Dead? Was she stepped on?    
Baker: She was arguing with the Giant...trying to protect you...and she was struck a deadly blow by the Prince's Steward.   
Jack: Oh no. Why would he do that?   
Baker: He was afraid she was provoking Akemi.   
Jack: Can no one bring her back?   
Baker: No one.   
Jack: That Steward will pay for this, that he will. After we slay the Giant, I will see to it, I will.   
Baker: You will do nothing of the kind!   
Jack: But he shouldn't have killed my mother, he most certainly shouldn't have. Right?   
Baker: I guess not.   
Jack: Then he must pay.   
Baker: Well, no.   
Jack: ::getting worked up:: Why not?   
Baker: Because that would be wrong.   
Jack: But what he did was wrong. He should be punished, he should.   
Baker: He will be, somehow.   
Jack: How?   
Baker: I don't know! ::angry:: Stop asking me questions I can't answer.   
Jack: I'm going to kill him.   
Baker: Then kill him. ::pause:: No, don't kill him. You'll regret it and scare Akemi.  
Cinderella: ::to Miaka and Matiko:: MOTHER ISN'T HERE NOW   
Baker: ::to Kenshin:: WRONG THINGS, RIGHT THINGS...   
Cinderella: WHO KNOWS WHAT SHE'D SAY?   
Baker: WHO CAN SAY WHAT'S TRUE?   
Cinderella: NOTHING'S QUITE SO CLEAR NOW...   
Baker: DO THINGS, FIGHT THINGS...   
Cinderella: FEEL YOU'VE LOST YOUR WAY?   
Baker: YOU DECIDE, BUT YOU ARE NOT ALONE.   
Cinderella: YOU ARE NOT ALONE.   
                   BELIEVE ME.   
                   NO ONE IS ALONE.   
Baker: NO ONE IS ALONE,   
            BELIEVE ME.   
Cinderella: TRULY...   
Cinderella, Baker: YOU MOVE JUST A FINGER,   
                              SAY THE SLIGHTEST WORD   
                              SOMETHING'S BOUND TO LINGER,   
                              BE HEARD.   
Baker: NO ONE IS ALONE.   
            CAREFUL, NO ONE IS ALONE.   
Cinderella, Baker: PEOPLE MAKE MISTAKES.   
Baker: FATHERS.   
Cinderella: MOTHERS.   
Cinderella, Baker: PEOPLE MAKE MISTAKES,   
                              HOLDING TO THEIR OWN,   
                              THINKING THEY'RE ALONE.   
Cinderella: HONOR THEIR MISTAKES...   
Baker: FIGHT FOR THEIR MISTAKES...   
Cinderella, Baker: ONE ANOTHER'S TERRIBLE MISTAKES   
                              WITCHES CAN BE RIGHT.   
                               GIANTS CAN BE GOOD.   
                               YOU DECIDE WHAT'S RIGHT   
                               YOU DECIDE WHAT'S GOOD.   
Cinderella: JUST REMEMBER:   
Baker: JUST REMEMBER:   
Cinderella, Baker: SOMEONE IS ON YOUR SIDE   
Jack, Little Red Ridinghood, Little Red Runningshorts: OUR SIDE.   
Cinderella, Baker: OUR SIDE...SOMEONE ELSE IS NOT.   
                              WHILE WE'RE SEEING OUR SIDE...   
Jack, Little Red Ridinghood, Little Red Runningshorts: OUR SIDE...   
Cinderella, Baker: OUR SIDE...   
Cinderella, Baker, Jack, Little Red Ridinghood, Little Red Runningshorts: MAYBE WE FORGOT: 

THEY ARE NOT ALONE 

NO ONE IS ALONE   
Cinderella: HARD TO SEE THE LIGHT NOW   
Baker: JUST DON'T LET IT GO   
Cinderella, Baker: THINGS WILL TURN OUT RIGHT NOW. 

                  WE CAN MAKE IT SO. 

                  SOMEONE IS ON YOUR...   
Little Red Ridinghood: Here she comes.   
Cinderella: Remember. Don't let her know our plan. ::ground trembles; shadow is cast, cheerful singing is heard::   
Giant: Where is the boy?   
Little Red Ridinghood: We don't know.   
Cinderella: Yes we do! We can't go on hiding him any longer. He must pay the price for his wrongs.   
Giant: Quick. Tell me where he is.   
Little Red Runningshorts: ::points:: Over there.   
Cinderella: See that tree where the birds are clustered? Jack is in that tree, hiding.   
Giant: Thank you. Now justice will be served and I shall leave your kingdom.   
::Akemi turns to head that way then freezes:: 

Cinderella: What's wrong?

Giant: ::Silence::

Little Red Ridinghood: I think she has stage fright.

Little Red Runningshorts: Naw. I think she knows what's coming.

Giant: ::Miserable:: I do and I don't want to go over there. Kenshin-sama's gonna bash me on the head.

Cinderella: ::Trying to adopt a soothing tone:: No he won't that's why these two and I have a running commentary. To make it seem like they're beating you up. See?

Giant: Really?

Little Red Runningshorts: You bet!

Giant: ::Runs in direction of trees as Lilli, Miaka and Matiko watch::  
Cinderella: Good birds!   
::cry from Akemi::   
Little Red Ridinghood: She doesn't look happy. 

Little Red Runningshorts: ::Wince:: Owchie.  
::we then hear Akemi pounded on the head; another cry::   
Cinderella: ::grimace:: Ouch!   
::another cry from Akemi::   
Little Red Ridinghood: ::disgusted:: The club is stuck in her head! 

Little Red Runningshorts: ::Makes a face::  
Cinderella: But they've done it. She's swaying.   
Little Red Ridinghood: She's bleeding all over!   
Cinderella: She's beginning to fall!   
Little Red Ridinghood: ::panicked:: She's beginning to fall this way! 

Little Red Runningshorts: TIM—BER!!  
::they back off the stage quickly, as the loudest noise of all resounds. Akemi skips onstage, once again her scant four feet eleven inches and bows for the nice readers:: 

Giant: Hee hee! I'm ok!! Nothing bad happened!!

::The following enter and give their moral and exit. Those killed appear as ghosts::   
Jack's Mother: The slotted spoon can catch the potato...   
Mysterious Man: Every knot was once straight rope...   
::Princes enter, Ty with Terr (Snow White) and Ashi with Hoshi (Sleeping Beauty)::   
Cinderella's Prince, Rapunzel's Prince: The harder to wake, the better to have.   
Snow White, Sleeping Beauty: ::yawn:: Excuse me.   
Steward: The greater the good, the harder the blow...   
Stepmother: When going to hide, know how to get there.   
Cinderella's Father: And how to get back...   
Florinda/Lucinda: And eat first...   
Granny: The knife that is sharp today may be dull by tomorrow...   
Rapunzel: AH-AH-AH-AH-AH... 

Giant: ::Waves cheerfully and skips offstage::  
::Kenshin, Miroku, Lilli, Miaka, and Matiko enter from upstage::   
Baker: Now we can return home and let us hope there will be no more killing.   
Jack: Where am I to go? I have no one to take care of me, I don't.   
Baker: You'll have to take care of yourself now Jack. It's time.   
Little Red Ridinghood: No, it's not. I'll take care of him.   
Jack: You will?   
Little Red Ridinghood: Yes. I'll be your mother now.   
Jack: I don't want another mother. I want a friend. And a pet. 

Yahiko-White: ::Comes running onstage:: Ha ha! Thought I was gone for good did you?!? ::laughs:: Well I am back!!!!  
Little Red Ridinghood: ::Sweatdrop:: Of course, we have nowhere to go, so we'll move in with you.   
Baker: Oh no.   
Little Red Runningshorts: It'll be fun!   
Baker: My house is a shambles and there is hardly room for— ::he stops mid sentence:: Of course you can come home with us.   
Jack: ::to Lilli:: And you shall join us too, that you will.   
Baker: You'll not return to the castle?   
Cinderella: I'll gladly help you with your house. There are times when I actually enjoy cleaning.    
Baker: How proud my wife would have been of us. And how sad it is that my son will never know her. Maybe I just wasn't meant to have children—  
Baker's Wife: ::enters as ghost:: Don't say that! Of course you were meant to have children!   
Baker: But how will I go about being a father with no one to mother my child? ::Amari cries::   
Baker's Wife: ::Puts one hand on Amari and the other on Miroku's cheek:: JUST CALM THE CHILD.   
Baker: ::attempting to do so:: YES. CALM THE CHILD.   
Baker's Wife: LOOK, TELL HIM THE STORY   
                       OF HOW IT ALL HAPPENED   
                       BE FATHER AND MOTHER   
                       YOU'LL KNOW WHAT TO DO.   
Baker: ALONE...?   
Baker's Wife:   SOMETIMES PEOPLE LEAVE YOU 

HALFWAY THROUGH THE WOOD.   
DO NOT LET IT GRIEVE YOU   
NO ONE LEAVES FOR GOOD.   
YOU ARE NOT ALONE   
NO ONE IS ALONE.   
HOLD HIM TO THE LIGHT NOW,   
LET HIM SEE THE GLOW.   
THINGS WILL BE ALRIGHT NOW.   
TELL HIM WHAT YOU KNOW... ::Amari cries:: 

Baker: Shhh...Once upon a time...in a far off Kingdom...lived a young maiden...a sad young lad...and a childless baker...with his wife.  ::Chiyumi gives Miroku a parting kiss on the cheek and leaves Rina enters::   
Witch: ::simultaneously with Miroku.:: CAREFUL THE THINGS YOU SAY,

CHILDREN WILL LISTEN. 

CAREFUL THE THINGS YOU DO CHILDREN WILL SEE 

AND LEARN.   
GUIDE THEM ALONG THE WAY   
CHILDREN WILL LISTEN   
CHILDREN WILL LOOK TO YOU   
FOR WHICH WAY TO TURN   
TO LEARN WHAT TO BE   
CAREFUL BEFORE YOU SAY   
"LISTEN TO ME!"   
CHILDREN WILL LISTEN. 

Company: ::during the following verse, the remainder of the Company (I.e., Ceres, Eriol, Hawk, Raven, Sakura and Nadeshiko) enter:: 

CAREFUL THE WISH YOU MAKE,   
WISHES ARE CHILDREN.   
CAREFUL THE PATH THEY TAKE...   
WISHES COME TRUE,   
NOT FREE.   
CAREFUL THE SPELL YOU CAST,   
NOT JUST ON CHILDREN.   
SOMETIMES THE SPELL MAY LAST   
PAST WHAT YOU CAN SEE   
AND TURN AGAINST YOU... 

Witch: CAREFUL THE TALE YOU TELL. 

THAT IS THE SPELL   
CHILDREN WILL LISTEN... 

Company: ::in three groups:: THOUGH IT'S FEARFUL, 

THOUGH IT'S DEEP, THOUGH IT'S DARK   
AND THOUGH YOU MAY LOSE THE PATH,   
THOUGH YOU MAY ENCOUNTER WOLVES,   
YOU CAN'T JUST ACT,   
YOU HAVE TO LISTEN.   
YOU CAN'T JUST ACT,   
YOU HAVE TO THINK.   
THERE ARE ALWAYS WOLVES,   
THERE ARE ALWAYS SPELLS,   
THERE ARE ALWAYS BEANS   
OR A GIANT DWELLS THERE.   
SO INTO THE WOODS YOU GO AGAIN...   
YOU HAVE TO EVERY NOW AND THEN   
INTO THE WOODS, NO TELLING WHEN,   
BE READY FOR THE JOURNEY.   
INTO THE WOODS, BUT NOT TOO FAST   
OR WHAT YOU WISH YOU LOSE AT LAST.   
INTO THE WOODS, BUT MIND THE PAST.   
INTO THE WOODS, BUT MIND THE FUTURE.   
INTO THE WOODS,   
BUT NOT TO STRAY   
OR TEMPT THE WOLF,   
OR STEAL FROM THE GIANT...   
THE WAY IS DARK,   
THE LIGHT IS DIM,   
BUT NOW THERE'S YOU,   
ME, HER AND HIM   
THE CHANCES LOOK SMALL,   
THE CHOICES LOOK GRIM,   
BUT EVERYTHING YOU LEARN THERE   
WILL HELP WHEN YOU RETURN THERE. 

Baker, Cinderella, Jack, Little Red Ridinghood: THE LIGHT IS GETTING DIMMER...   
Baker: I THINK I SEE A GLIMMER...   
Company: INTO THE WOODS, EACH TIME YOU GO 

     THERE'S MORE TO LEARN OF WHAT YOU KNOW.   
     INTO THE WOODS, BUT NOT TOO SLOW...   
     INTO THE WOODS, IT'S NEARING MIDNIGHT...   
     INTO THE WOODS   
     TO MIND THE WOLF,   
     TO HEED THE WITCH,   
     TO HONOR THE GIANT,   
     TO MIND,   
     TO HEED,   
     TO FIND,   
     TO THINK,   
     TO TEACH,   
     TO JOIN,   
     TO GO TO THE FESTIVAL!   
     INTO THE WOODS   
     INTO THE WOODS   
     INTO THE WOODS   
     THEN OUT OF THE WOODS...   
     AND HAPPY EVER AFTER! 

Cinderella: I WISH...   
::Blackout::   
  


**END OF SCENE TWO**

**END OF ACT TWO**

Clear Shadow: I can't believe Rina threw us at the giant. I'm going to kill her.

Yume Tenshi: Yeah really and after all the time it took for you to get this thing together.

Sharpsnout: Research—

MereMew: Typing—

Yume Tenshi: _Editing_.

Clear Shadow:::Growling::

::Cast enters, laughing and talking. They see the four authors and stop dead in their tracks::

Witch: Oh…hi guys…heh heh…

::The rest of that cast step back from Rina as if she had the black plague::

Witch: Oh come on you're not mad about me throwing you at the giant are you? You are. Ah crap.

Clear Shadow: You'd better start running Rina. 

Witch: ::Backs up slowly then slowly turns and bolts::

Clear Shadow: And the rest of you! Letting her do that!!

Baker: I had no part in it M'lady Shadow and might I say that you and Lady Tenshi are looking practically lovely and will you bear my child?

Everyone else: ::Is surprised that Miroku can talk that fast::

Clear Shadow, Yume Tenshi: Of course we'll bear your child!! ::Take Miroku's arms and lead him off::

Baker's Wife: ::Growls:: Miroku….

THE END 


End file.
